Perfectionism and torturousness of self.

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Does anyone get so wrapped up in perfectionism that it becomes torture? I can develop some interests that I become so intrinsically wrapped in that it becomes mentally detrimental. It gets to a point that it hinders my progress.(mentally) But in the same it makes me grow/improve due to an absolute obsessive intensity that I've not seen in others. It's a blessing and a curse. I sometimes wish I didn't care but then I would be content, and feel with contentment comes apathy. Do any others with an ASD have similar issues? Apologies if I'm not making sense.

Yes. And it is indeed both a blessing and a curse. It makes me very good at my job, but it makes "finishing" things difficult. To me, it's one of the Aspie super-powers. Being willing to spend those extra hours, weeks, years making something perfect because you have to, otherwise it'll form a mental block that won't easily let other pursuits past until it's seen out.

"To me it's one of the Aspie super powers" I sometimes think I would love to be normal/average, by average I mean without the lows and deficits, but still retain the advantages. I feel something is taken from one part of the brain and given to another. But then I feel if someone said "here's a red pill and a blue pill, Blue makes you normal, but you lose the advantages red you stay the way you are" I would want to stay the way iam. Perfect world, normality and keep advantages. I like the term you used "Aspie super powers"

Obviously I've thought the same, but it always leads me to thinking that it's getting around the disadvantages that probably hones the advantages. If I were able to keep track of a busy conversation between multiple people, I would never have needed such developed rote memory, etc.

Lol, glad you like the phrase =]

I definitely do have perfectionistic tendencies. Mediocrity won't help me move forward. I have to be careful about not letting it overwhelm my life, or I could get sick. That would ruin everything I want to do.

I like that analogy about getting around the disadvantages

I'm going through this at the moment. Making myself obsess and it's starting to take its toll. Maybe these obsessions are coping mechanisms?

Yes, I am certainly this way. Similar to what others have said about themselves here, it is one of my greatest strengths and also one of my greatest weaknesses. I have gotten better at not letting my perfectionism get out of control in recent years. This is largely because these tendencies have caused me some serious difficulties in the past, including some health issues with long-term effects.

During the (obsessive) pursuit of one of my interests, after encountering some difficulties due to the obsessiveness of said pursuit, I began to think about ways to optimize the use of my time, my energy, my body, and my attention in the pursuit of such interests. A lot of good advice relevant to these things is available these days. Sports psychology is one source. Psychologists and neuroscientists have studied expertise, competence, motivation, learning, and more. There are many good biographies of people who have achieved great things in various fields. Depending on what your interest is, there may be a tradition of technical training that stretches back hundreds of years.

So, now I have moved to the level of meta-obsession . Rather than simply pursuing an interest obsessively, I also obsessively pursue better and more effective ways to pursue that interest.

In fact, one of the things I have come across from reading and from my own experience is that your chances of success are better if you don't obsess too much. It seems that the brain can only learn at a certain rate, and trying to push beyond that becomes counterproductive. While studying "classical technique" in one particular area, I was encouraged to be aware of how I am doing things and to look for ways that reduce tension and increase efficiency. This experience made me see the value of spending time to reflect on how I do things. It still seems to me that one of the biggest factors in success in any undertaking is the amount of time and energy you put in. But, you have to use that time and energy wisely.

Sometimes the best way to practice a given skill is to put it away and do something else for a while.

Tongue-in-cheek: I could experience "group therapy" all alone by myself and resolve the matter of seeming "self-imposed torture" while nevertheless still seeking excellence (perfection) in all things.


Yes, I have learned my brain consistently works on things and can come up with solutions even (or sometimes especially) apart from my conscious participation.

Deadlines + Perfectionism = My own personal hell

Intense stress caused by sending out something (in a work context) that I'm not happy with
Intense stress caused by trying to meet the deadline

There is nothing good about perfectionism, particularly in a profit-driven work environment. It has caused me much heartache, triggering depression and suicidal ideation.

I see so many parallels with myself in the replys here. Do you believe you would be better off without it or that it's a gift although a very difficult one to live with? IMO without it I probably wouldn't succeed or be competent at much as it can override deficits. It would be nice if I could be less perfectionistic but have the same rate of skill/learning accruement. I feel the obsessiveness makes me but also destroys me at the same time.

I believe having to always have every little detail absolutely perfect before being satisfied would/could ultimately drive me mad (or certainly cause other people to be angry with me when nothing is never brought to completion), so the challenge for me is about quelling the obsession a bit without abandoning the pursuit of excellence. I currently have a certain project ahead of me that is simply *not* going to end in what I would consider a perfect completion. I am physically incapable of some of the work that would be required, I cannot afford to hire someone else to do those parts for me and I doubt I could find anyone willing to do exactly what I want done anyway...but I must do something if my wife and I are to continue having decent-and-reliable OTA (over-the-air) TV reception. I currently have all the actual parts needed for doing everything I would like to do, and I have a helper scheduled to come in another day or two in order for me to be able to do anything at all. I do not like the fact that I am not going to get the "perfect system" my particular brain can perceive, and I have already cautioned my helper a bit by letting him know of my high attention to fine detail and that this is *not* going to be some kind of quick-and-dirty toss of a TV antenna into the air. I hope I am make some sense: Always pursue excellence in whatever you do, but do not drive yourself mad while bringing nothing to completion by allowing obsession to try to drag you far beyond reality.

Last edited by leejosepho on 18 Jan 2017, 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You made plenty of sense. I tend to be perfectionistic myself. For instance, whenever I'm about to eat something, I have to prepare it just right before I eat it; just the right amount of condiments like mayonnaise, butter, salt, ketchup, etc. Then I mix everything together and make a shepherd's pie out of my meal. After that, I usually have to reheat my food because it would get cold while I'm busy making it perfect. Another example is whenever I'm playing cards, they have to be positioned just right and not all askew. Same with playing scrabble; the letters have to be aligned just right. However, my perfectionism doesn't get to the point to where it's torturous. If something isn't the way I want it, I just calmly fix it. As they say, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

That makes sense. It's getting my brain to accept it and make sense of it which is the difficult part.

It's not being happy with what I do myself is where the torture comes from. It can be really distressing.

*raises hand*

It's a curse for me. It was a curse for me in public school, since I would take forever to finish my assignments, and it's a curse for me now, since it greatly stifles my ability to pursue my creative passions.