Workplace Bullying: How Did You Survive?

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I needed to run this by everyone. I've edited some details just in case....

So I am experiencing workplace bullying and somehow chose to suffer under this for the last couple of years. It was tough going getting promoted the first time, I kept being told I wasn't communicating enough even though I really did try, I really wasn't able to figure out who to ask questions and how.....Well, it hit the fan. I'm on a Performance Improvement Plan where I need to show improvement in a couple of months or get kicked out. However, the thing is, I have to do these meetings with the bully himself. So, I decided to set some ground rules and objectives for our next meeting coming up soon. Like a code of conduct.

So the question is, do you think I should involve HR or a third party not in my team?

you should really speak up. bullying in anyplace is still bullying. talk to HR and tell them whats going on, be open and honest with them. tell them that you are on the autism spectrum if thats what you are. if he knows you are artistic and he's bullying you because of that then thats discrimination and harassment. he should get fired and possibly charged.

This is a very difficult situation.

Many years ago now, I used to work as a low-level manager in a software development company. I experienced some bullying (I mean, that's part of being a manager) and of course I had to help employees and co-workers with this as well. I am now a sociologist who studies autistic workers.

The plan you are on is structured to get you out of the company. Someone has complained about you (I assume the bully) and management is tired of hearing the complaints. If they truly wanted to help you communicate better or "blossom" or whatever, they would have given you a possible reward at the end, not a punishment.

I see two possible options here:
1) Find another job (this is what most people do in your situation)
2) Find the most sympathetic person in HR and explain to them about the bullying situation. You could possibly turn this around and get this plan lifted; get reduced contact with the bully (I have seen this happen)

Lastly, please know that this is not your fault. Quiet people and people who communicate differently (even rudely) can and DO work well in many different companies. Some disclose, some don't, but there is always a place for them. If this workplace don't seem like it wants you, another workplace will.

This probably won't help you but, in my experience, I've found that if the bully is a just a coworker it may be possible to just try and avoid them. However, if the bully is a boss, it's pretty much hopeless. That's been my experience. Though I've only had a few jobs (that didn't even last that long) I did deal with quite a bit of bullying.

I went through a thing like that.

The good part was the detailed listing of expectations. I was diligent in meeting those and there was nothing my antagonist could do, other than mocking me in staff meetings and taking every opportunity to belittle me.

I just ignored all that and got on with meeting all the expectations. Even when he tried to look for faults in the work, he could not do it and so that time passed. He was in various kinds of conflict with many others and took to drink after a time. Then he was gone and I had survived.

I worked at a warehouse for 8 years until I got laid off 5 years ago, thank goodness. I was bullied there emotionally and mentally not only by several people in the company. I was also bullied by the job coach who came to see me once a month. Anway, I used the chain of command but we didn't have an HR since this was a small business. I did the chain of command.

It happened to my NT mother but it was by her boss unfortunately. She eventually quit working there and got another job somewhere else even if it meant driving an hour to work instead of twenty minutes. One of the things her boss did was she had to grade her work performance like all employees get every year and my mom got a poor score. My mom was hurt by it because she is a good nurse and she doesn't get any complaints from her patients and her friend from work decided to add up the scores for her and it was a good score and the boss had lied to her about her score. Her co worker was also bullied at work too until she also quit.

What an interesting, albeit morose and familiar, position you're in. Yes, I was there, and yes, coping for me involved drinking like a fish after work. The bullies I've ran into were in league with the powers that be. In other words, I was S.O.L. That is why, to this day, I've worked at 30 jobs or so. Besides the bullies, there was a lack of support from the higher ups as well as mountains of work I had to accomplish within a certain time limit.

All jobs suck, unless you're self-employed. Sorry I couldn't be any cheerier than this; that's just the name of employment with us aspies, at least for me, anyway.

I am of the belief that it takes a certain kind of douchebaggery to become a manager or supervisor in a corporate. Nine times out of ten, these people have history, being the Jock at high school, the bully, and they carry this over into the workplace.

I have changed jobs close on 23 times to get away from various forms of bullying. The key predisposing factors are that they seem to target those who are quiet, and get on with the job. The louder and more outgoing you are in a company, the more likely it is that you will be able to join the clique and become untouchable.

I have come to realize that, certain oddities of my personality and my nature, are a juicy target for bullies, and in recognizing this, I have of late, managed to avoid taking a job where this is likely to happen, unfortunately trading that for a different set of problems, i.e. unrealistic expectations, and workload overload, not to mention disgustingly poor pay and unreasonable working conditions.

I learned to survive by

1. Once I learned that someone was bullying me, I just stopped talking to them or communicating with them as little as possible.
2. I called it out more than once
3. Reported it to the Dept of Labor
4. Began investing my time in positive people outside of work.
5. Started making plans to look for work elsewhere

There has been a person who has been bullying me at work and after a while I told the managers because it wasn't stopping and I didn't know how to respond to it. Even when the managers talk to them it still doesn't help much, but since they know what's going on it might be less likely for this person to somehow get me into trouble or turn the managers against me. I also try to always stay busy doing something so that I won't give them the reaction they might want and it also distracts me from it. Working out sometimes helps when it comes to dealing with the stress of it.

I have been there so many times, and I seem to wear it no matter what I say such as "the next time I will not be like this". I inevitably end up being the one breaking down and crying and leaving my job, or in my last experience I finally lost my s**t and haven't had a job since. Every bone in My Body wants to tell you to use someone in HR and smash it out, but on the other hand I know the feeling of being "that guy" and and continual beating up of one's self is cyclic for me so I don't do it. Which in turn is further damaging my esteem and current situation. I can't seem to break it even though I try my hardest and am such a good employee I always end up feeling guilty, useless, bad, and want to leave, even though in my heart I know I tried my hardest and alway give my most for them... and I know it's not right. All I can do is offer the understanding because I feel that pain if this is a bit of you.