What could be the answer?

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For years I've had multiple diagnosis's on what I could be.
I had an ODD, ADD, major depressive, anti social as a very young child.

As I've turned 18, some behaviors have become more prevalent and noticeable in my day to day life.
I'll list some and try to give information on how they affect me.

NOTE* I spent 2 hours last night reading autism forums and I've never really felt so understood.

Firstly, the explanation of the stares that I do. People always tell me that I'm really intimidating to approach or talk to because of my mannerisms and how I look at people. I'm never really sure if I should be looking at someone, or for how long. And I get stuck in this loop of thought so I forget what my own face even looks like. I flick my eyes back and forth when I'm looking at someone because eye contact is pretty uncomfortable generally.

I have a large collection of items that I think I'll use in the future but every 2 months I go through and re-clean it out, things like notes, stickers, pamphlets, worksheets, random stuff.

Noise sensitivity. Some sounds I find very pleasing and comforting, others make me want to climb out of my skin. Voices that are loud, and lots of voices at once seem to irritate me more than anything. If someone says something too loud I'll get a wave of intense agitation and I have to hold it in. I like to be outside and hear water, the rain I love to hear.

Textures and patterns. I've always loved textures and patterns in things. When I design graphics 9/10 they include some form of repetition or a distinct texture. When I get in bed I have 3 blankets that all go in a different place so I can feel them. I often rub my tongue on the roof of my mouth, but just recently noticed I do it. I make this sound with my throat because it feels good to me. In social situations I find myself rubbing or touching something.

Lights. Bright lights I hate them, I like to be in the dark with candles or any soft lighting. Neon lights, or the traffic lights, those feel good to look at, I love driving and looking at lights.

Social. I have some hyper awareness in social situations it seems, it's a sort of overload when I am around something like a food court. SO many conversations I hear, so much movement, I can never find one thing to pay attention to, but that's across the board. People always think I'm stuck up or arrogant because I say too much apparently when I do talk, but all I'm trying to do is give information I think that can help conversation. I can interact with people fine, it tends to be something I just strongly dislike and avoid, unless it's a good friend I have that understands. I often create distance between myself and others, and if that person comes into my "space" it causes me to stare at them because I'm not thinking about what they're saying or doing, but the action that just took place. this also ends up being me staring at them. I find talking to random people a lot easier when someone I'm familiar with is around.

School. Gifted student but never at all enjoyed school. Absolutely despise the power structures that public school systems have. Could never do homework on time or study for tests. Always got in trouble for asking too many questions. Not good at maths. Love english, love lots of sciences, love psychology. Never had a hard time once again interacting with people, but I was always notorious for being eccentric and out of the norm. Hate group work to this day, also depends on what the end goal is. Think formal education is stupid because I do not get to choose what I am learning and do not care to spend time with things I am not interested in. Tried to leave public school for homeschool, got in a lot of trouble for refusing to attend.

Home. I stare in mirrors a lot. I'll practice my facial expressions, recite what I should say to people in my head.
Most of the time I have to plan out how to talk to someone when I know I'm going to. What face should I use to react to them saying this, or this. How should I say this, do I use manners, how cordial do I have to be? Do I have to talk at all?
I repeat things sometimes like how I sit in a position, I sometimes eat in bed just because that's what I do every time.
I eat the same foods, just not at the same times. My diet I mean, it never changes.

Random Info. The way I process things seems largely controlled by sequences, patterns, or systems.
When I look at things like doors or drawers, cars, anything with structure really. I end up in my head seeing all types of 3-D models, graphics of whatever I'm looking at. When I look at doorknobs I see the internals of it, I see the screws going into the wood, the lock sliding into place. I see the wood being carved, cut, sanded, painted.
When I get home, I'm supposed to go straight into my room and empty my pockets, if I forget something I go back and fix it.
Someone mentioned this thing called "low latent inhibition" that I read about and I relate extremely well to most of those symptoms and behaviors.

There seems to be a glass wall between me and the world, if that makes any sense.

INTP - if that matters
I am very self aware
IQ - 137
Very sporadic thought processes, short attention span unless I am 100% absorbed
tend to ramble in circles when I talk to people in attempt to help them understand

Thanks in advance for any helpful feedback

*have not spoken to a doctor, not sure if that will do anything for me

Hello there,

Wow... I'm reading through your lists of observations, and they are very very similar to the things I have noticed.

Having said that, I am not officially diagnosed (I've been trying a year now with no success - can't find doctors willing to see me).

The face and eye contact thing, most definitely. I never know when to break eye contact.

Same thing with the collection of notebooks, paper, pencils, etc. I have this thing for needing to buy new notebooks all the time, only to only use the first few pages.

there is a name for the sensitivity for certain noises: misophonia. things like clattering dishes, certain voices, smacking lips, loud and sudden sounds... drive me insane.

The textures thing has never really been a big deal for me. Moreso with foods rather than clothing.

Lights make night driving crazy difficult for me. Sooo distracting.

The Social overload is definitely a strong sign of high-functioning Autism. If I'm in a loud place with no one else that I know, I just end up shutting down. I can't think, focus, and I just want to leave. Conversations happen the same way too.

School, here's a divergence for us, as I was homeschooled. My homework and studies were very free-form, so I could study and do pretty much what I wanted. It was the bet things my parents could do for me, to be honest.

The mirrors thing! I knew I wasn't the only one to do this! I do this ALL the time. I thought I was crazy, but it is vital in order for me to prepare for social interaction.

When I was into computer graphic design, I would always make a whole bunch of abstract, patterned and textured backgrounds for my desktop. I could never focus on realistic art.

"there seems to be a glass wall between me and the rest of the world". Yes. So much yes.

I am INTP/J (P on some days, J on others).
IQ-141. You are very bright and gifted.

Sorry for a lengthy regurgitation, but here's what I would do:

Read a lot more about High-Functioning Autism. Compare yourself to the DSM definitions.

Look into a variety of other screening tests (AQ, EQ, RAADS-R , etc.) there should be resources here to help you out.

If you feel confident that you might have Asperger's/ASD, consider looking for a health professional that could give you a diagnosis. Is it for affirmation? SSDI? other benefit?

If you don't feel a strong propensity for official diagnosis, then start off with the question, "OK, if I have Asperger's, then what if I do this differently?" Operate off of it as an assumption, and see if the other tips and helpful ideas work for you. If you have Asperger's, you might see some benefit.

As always, talk it out with the amazing people on this forum. they all have great insight that may be helpful. I hope this wasn't too narcissistic a post, and that it would help you out.

WOW THANKS

It wasn't narcissistic at all, it made me feel a lot better to know someone else feels how I do about these things.

Most of what you said also describes me (but not the mirror thing - I hate looking in mirrors) and I'm diagnosed AS. Try some of the online AS tests as they give a decent indication that a diagnosis could be useful.