How I will remove my social anxiety.

Post Reply New Topic

I realise that I've gone completely back to square one with regards to talking with other students at college and I'm a complete loner but that's not the issue as such as the issue is I'm feeling nervous and other people know that so they start to see me as weaker and it's like an invite to bully me. I'm not weaker but if I behave that way then people will think it's true.

I will have to start acting as I was in the beginning when I purposely gave myself a task to do and I'd do it. I'd give myself a reason to talk to someone and I wouldn't care about if I get a good response or not, just accept whatever and learn from it and do better next time. This method did work.

There is no good in being worried about the other students. I don't want to be a victim and I won't have others think that of me.

One problem is I can't join in on banter though because I don't know a thing about how and I don't know how to handle if someone says banter about me.

Most people bond this way

That's awesome. If you talk to enough people, you'll find people with whom you have something in common, and you might find that makes it all worth it. It can be really hard to face fears and step out there, so good for you.

It's very hard for me at school as well, I've gotten further than I've expected without any social skills and the anxiety that I suffer from but I always worry there is something looming that will knock me out that I won't be able to handle. It's annoying since I know how irrational it all is but that doesn't seem to convince my body, so even if I get over the mental hurdle I still have to deal with it physically. Exposure is probably the key, the more familiar you are with something the less anxiety I have about it and it's always a tough time for me at the beginning of the semester. I just try to focus on school, I don't have any support with anything else.

One happy eccentric once told me that when he was going into a challenging situation he could get much better treatment if he would mentally "Heavy up." He just pretended that he was actually very dense and correspondingly strong. This gave him a more deliberate gait, and made him careful to not break chairs and tables by using them with normal abandon. Thus, when he spoke, he could be quiet, but still get a response like a bulldozer idling forward.

Banter is just a teasing competition to see who can come up with the funniest insult the quickest.

If you don't or can't play the banter game , you can either laugh at banter about yourself to show you have a good sense of humour ( this can obviously backfire and make you a target ) , or just roll your eyes as if your bored , people soon get tired when they realise they can't get a rise out of you ( not always though ).

You can usually shut down banter if you don't want to play by having a list of retorts eg "Do you think your arse ever gets jealous of all the s**t coming out of your mouth " ( this can also backfire )

You could also hit them with logic & honesty ( it may make you look stupid but there is no pretense ) i.e Ask them why they feel the need to put you down with stupid comments as you really don't understand what you have done to deserve it. ( this can also backfire ).

I think thats pretty useful. I sometimes do similar things like pretending im very confident and good at talking to people and then i can pull it off in reality but only for very short periods like perhaps a few minutes max.

Im doing better now and i spoke quite a lot more to the other students and all are nice. Trouble is now im feeling too many emotions and i dont know how to handle it. I realise that actually everyone has similarities and sometimes people think of the same things or feel the same emotions. Its weird when i see that other people are like myself in that they have friends and families outside of college and have hobbies and such. They have ideas about things too. Its weird but ive always seem it as in its me against them and that we are different but really its not like that...

Thanks for these tips. Ill try to remember them