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Angnix
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24 Jan 2017, 2:52 pm

I can't stand lying, but I met a type of liar that ended up really urking me and I wonder how annoying this is to aspies!

A man claims he is the most honest man in the world. You catch him lying on fb saying he's extemely fit and walks 2 miles a day. You post "you lyin'" because you live with him and know he dont. He storms out the door "Im taking my walk now!" then he claims he erased the lie and its as if he never lied in the first place, so hes still honest.

:x


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crystaltermination
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25 Jan 2017, 2:23 pm

Known a few compulsive liars from my past and as you've found, they generally hate it when you expose them and enter full-defense mode, even may attempt to gaslight you.


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kraftiekortie
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25 Jan 2017, 2:44 pm

Sounds like he's a pretty bad liar....



FallingDownMan
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25 Jan 2017, 7:44 pm

The type of liar I have problems with is the one that includes me in the lie, and expects me to realize that a lie is being told and that I'm part of it and that I'm supposed to play along.

I never do realize what it is they are doing and what my role is supposed to be.


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foxant
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25 Jan 2017, 8:30 pm

if this kinda of person is in your facebook, i recomend you remove him and try to lost contact with him. that type of people only bringes deception and stress since they are not consistent and extremely unethical. Compulsive liars are the dung of mankind.

i 100% agree with crystaltermination sayed.


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Exuvian
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25 Jan 2017, 9:17 pm

I can't figure out what his motivation for lying was. Was he trying to impress someone? Does he wish to be an exercising fitness buff, but can't get motivated? It just seems so pointless.

I don't know that losing contact with him is very practical if you're at least roommates. You probably should express your concerns to him privately (ie. off facebook) if this is something new.



Angnix
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25 Jan 2017, 11:39 pm

Actually he is my uncle... And he ended up destroying me on facebook for calling him a liar and he even said that was the reason, he convinced my family that I was so cruel to him he tried to commit suicide. Now hes leaving but hes trying to make me feel super guilty.


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FandomConnection
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26 Jan 2017, 1:14 am

This annoys me too - people who claim that they are not lying if even if someone calls them out. This includes people (mostly my parents) who pretend I have choices (asking, 'Would you like to...' or 'Do you want to...' when they are actually telling me to do something). This really annoys me, because they are trying to pretend that they aren't forcing me to do anything whilst actually controlling almost everything I do. I don't see why they can't just order me to do things honestly. It's confusing.


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wrongcitizen
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26 Jan 2017, 1:17 am

I think this is more humorous than it is negative. I think he's messing with you because he knows that his behaviors annoy people like us. I think you should just laugh along and he'll probably stop.



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26 Jan 2017, 1:27 am

wrongcitizen wrote:
I think this is more humorous than it is negative. I think he's messing with you because he knows that his behaviors annoy people like us. I think you should just laugh along and he'll probably stop.


I don't think there is humour in claiming that someone nearly incited you to commit suicide. It is manipulative, and also lying if not true. Do you have a record of your correspondence that could be shown to your family?


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BeaArthur
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26 Jan 2017, 1:39 am

Angnix wrote:
Actually he is my uncle... And he ended up destroying me on facebook for calling him a liar and he even said that was the reason, he convinced my family that I was so cruel to him he tried to commit suicide. Now hes leaving but hes trying to make me feel super guilty.

How can he be leaving? I thought it was his house you were living in.

You should let a lie go if it isn't hurting anything. Sounds like just the vanity of an old man, trying to make himself sound better than he is. So what?

Also, you should avoid embarrassing a family member by confronting them about their conduct on a public forum. If it was absolutely necessary to confront the lie - and I think in this case, it wasn't - then as a matter of courtesy you should do it privately.

I have stated the above as two rules of conduct for living in a neurotypical world, because sometimes Aspies do better with rules rather than the "common sense" standard. I didn't say "you should" in a desire to be bossy or judgmental. It seems that you put the "lying is wrong" concept higher than the "get along well with others" concept. Is that really the choice you want to make for your life?


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wrongcitizen
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26 Jan 2017, 1:48 am

FandomConnection wrote:
wrongcitizen wrote:
I think this is more humorous than it is negative. I think he's messing with you because he knows that his behaviors annoy people like us. I think you should just laugh along and he'll probably stop.


I don't think there is humour in claiming that someone nearly incited you to commit suicide. It is manipulative, and also lying if not true. Do you have a record of your correspondence that could be shown to your family?


Sorry, didn't read that part about the suicide. It seems however that he isn't hurting anyone by saying that, and since his suicide isn't the fault of the people he is threatening it with then they shouldn't care as it's not directly harming them.

Though it is manipulative, it is counter able by truth like all manipulation, which the OP has, and he doesn't, because the OP knows that he's lying. Truth can be revealed through logic in many cases, because there's a lot of holes in what he says, and if he's able to convince the family then the family needs to be addressed and criticized. Also, maybe it would be better to get to the cause of his behavior, what's he thinking and seeking at the moment of lying?



Angnix
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26 Jan 2017, 8:21 am

Its his land, but he was planning on eventually leaving and willing it over to me and now hes going to do that early.

I just feel that nothing can be said bad about him but everyone can pile insults on me...


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underwater
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26 Jan 2017, 9:01 am

Well, stop saying bad things about a guy who is letting you live in his house and then giving it to you! Never mind if it's true! Even if he's the worst kind of as*hole, you will come across as spectacularly ungrateful if you publicly criticize a family member while living under his roof. You may see this issue as unrelated, but others won't.

Don't sweat the small stuff so much! Yeesh. Now I am understanding the food issue.

Also: lying about how fit he is is really a tiny lie. Who does it hurt? If he wants to lie about it, that's his problem. He doesn't owe you the truth about every tiny thing in his life. Most people lie about some things not because they want fool others, but because they want to keep some things private. When you guys live together, you need to work hard on respecting each other's privacy. That means purposely ignoring certain things.


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27 Jan 2017, 3:25 am

underwater wrote:
Well, stop saying bad things about a guy who is letting you live in his house and then giving it to you! Never mind if it's true! Even if he's the worst kind of as*hole, you will come across as spectacularly ungrateful if you publicly criticize a family member while living under his roof. You may see this issue as unrelated, but others won't.

Don't sweat the small stuff so much! Yeesh. Now I am understanding the food issue.

Also: lying about how fit he is is really a tiny lie. Who does it hurt? If he wants to lie about it, that's his problem. He doesn't owe you the truth about every tiny thing in his life. Most people lie about some things not because they want fool others, but because they want to keep some things private. When you guys live together, you need to work hard on respecting each other's privacy. That means purposely ignoring certain things.


I was thinking about this a bit....I'm sorry for being harsh. I suppose it's because I've done things like this myself in the past, and I've deeply regretted it. Is there a way for you guys to talk about it and be friends again? I think you owe him an apology.


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Angnix
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27 Jan 2017, 9:00 am

I cant figure it out, i dont know if i can blame it on my brain or not. I have a problem with him where he tells private things to people and tells people about problems before he comes to us about them, for example his girlfriend knew of an embarrasing problem i have and bought things for it... And he does it all the time and I fell like i walk on eggshells around him now.0


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