Does anyone else here absolutely hate having AS?

Post Reply New Topic

While I can respect different opinions, I'm disappointed after joining this place to find that I'm in the minority about hating this disorder.

I feel like it's never been positive for me. I've always had problems making friends, never had a best friend in my life, never had any friends I was close enough to talk about anything with them, still don't have any friends that close, only had one boyfriend in my whole life, didn't get so much as my first kiss until I was in college, have had problems getting and keeping a job, and I don't feel very happy that often anymore. I've suffered from depression and obsessive compulsive tendencies since I was a child.

I don't have a single good memory of high school, as I never had any friends there. I thought all of that would change when I got into college, but I was wrong.

I hate feeling like I have to decide between being with people I don't feel happy around or being by myself but lonely. It's horrible not being satisfied or comfortable with other people but still craving the basic human need for social interactions.

The only person I've ever felt happy with in my entire life was my last boyfriend. I was so excited everytime I got to be with him or spend the weekend at his house because it was the only time I could be with someone else but still be myself, without having to put on some normal act. He was the only person I've ever known who accepted me. Now he's having emotional problems and I haven't heard from him in a long time, so it might be over.

I think this is a horrible neurological disease and sometimes feel like I was a genetic mistake and shouldn't have been born. I'm going to have to struggle my whole life to achieve things that come naturally to most people. Most people take it for granted that they'll have people to call whenever they need to talk, or something to do on Saturday night. But for me, I barely have any of that.

Maybe NT's aren't as intelligent as us and are the ones who are flawed, but I still have to function in their world. I can't be in denial and have my own little world and cut myself off from everyone else; real adults in the real world don't have that option. I have to go to college and work (and would like to socialize.) It's damn near impossible to do all of this correctly when I'm the only person I know who functions differently like I do. I can't even find words to explain it to normal people, so none of them understand.

Am I the only person on this board who feels this way?

I might have felt like this if I`d known I had AS when I was younger. I had a horrible time not knowing why all the things you describe were happening to me so when I found out about AS it was a relief that there was a reason and I wasn`t alone in this.
I don`t know if knowing about AS earlier could have helped me because I would be more aware of the issues and so perhaps make more appropriate choices that fit better with who I was not who I wanted to try ad be.

If you're going to hate anything, you should hate society, not Aspergers.

Sorry, but as a mature and responsible adult, I'm not going to hate the society that I have to live in. Having an anarchist attitude isn't going to help me function any better or be happy.

Hating yourself isn't going to make you happy either.
I never said you should hate society. I said if you're going to hate anything then hate the people who make your life difficult. Which is the rest of society.

Much agreed.

I shouldn't have to be unhappy with who I am, just because narrow-mindedness runs so deeply through the world.

i hate haveing autism aswell

I sometimes feel like that. I hate some of the traits that go along with autism, but I don't wish I never had it completely, I wouldn't be me! I just hate how NTs can't never seem to understand me, and I hate how I can't function like NTs can, and do the things they do.

i hate all the traits

Actually since I don't know what its like not to be autistic, I really wouldn't know for sure. To me autism is normal, to me clapping my hands, or flapping my arms, biting, hitting oneself, rocking back and forth and etc is normal to me. I see how NTs are, but I can never say I really know how they are.

I'm not proud to have ASD like some of the people here. I'm glad I found out I have it, since it makes me feel a little better about some of the struggles I have had, and also has given me a group of people that I can feel sort of like I belong to.

I certainly don't hate AS though, and hope that some day you will learn not to hate it either. I recognize that it's made some aspects of my life very difficult. I also recognize that it's a big part of who I am, and it's hard or even impossible to separate the AS part of me from the rest of me. I don't hate myself, thus I can't hate my AS. I do sometimes wish it would go away, though.

Same and so I'd act out and over-react emotionally plus I'd try and come off like I understood empathy and feelings through what I analyzed in observation because of my strong need for independence, perfection and egotism. I'd also keep people away from my real world that was inside of me and when I was younger I didn't understand it too well either so they through me on pills and shoved Mood disorder Dx and ADD on me - fascinating that none of the medication helped and my case just worsened and I up and f****d off when I was 12.

Like you though, I've just found out about it recently and everything is finally making sense. I too am relieved. its given me insight to something I was blind to and helped me make sense of the things I couldn't make sense of. Its given me a direction and hope that I am strong in certain area's and I am not incompetent because of my inability to understand certain things.

I am definitely glad.

I honestly don't know whether there will be anything to go to after I die or not, but if heaven is real, I can imagine that once I get there, it'll be like this disorder is lifted from me and I'll be able to know what it's like not to struggle with it.

I just wish my last boyfriend and I could get together again, or at least be close friends. He was the only person I've ever known who made this disorder bearable. When I was with him, I felt like nothing was wrong with me. I've never been that happy in my life.

I don't know how or where to meet people that make me feel comfortable like that. I've been trying my whole life, but never find any friends that I feel okay with. It was a freak coincidence when I met him, by the way. I met him at the emergency room when he was there with a head injury and I was there with asick family member.

I admit there are times when I'm not particularly pleased with having AS, but for most of the time I'm fine with it. I see it as a part of me, and it does have its benefits in my case at least, which thankfully tend to outnumber the less desirable traits. I would like to be less easily stressed by changes, though, considering how much is changing in my home at the moment!

(1) There is no such thing as Heaven.
(2) You do not have a disorder. Just because NT doctors tell you you do, that does not mean you do. Fifty years ago I would have been thought of as mentally ill for being gay. There are plenty of things which are perfectly normal for said individual but, because society says so, if you are in the minority then you are the one with the problem, supposedly. I don't actually believe Aspergers is a disorder/syndrome. As far as I am concerned, it is simply a difference and, if the situation were reversed and NTs were in the minority, then they would be classed as the ones with a 'disorder.' I don't know about you, but there's nothing wrong with me. Although a lot of people here will probably disagree with me there.

Sometimes I just feel like there's a thick veil between me and the rest of the world. Those are the times when I think about the AS and mostly just want to yell, "Eww, get it off!" kind of like if a spider was crawling on my arm.