Inability To Make Friends Or Reluctance ?

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I have read that for some on the spectrum it is very difficult ( sometimes impossible ) to make friends even though you want them. As an older adult I know I possess the skills to make friends but have no desire to , I find it draining and never like the social politics involved.

Is there on the spectrum who had difficulty when they were younger but as they got older learnt the social rules but just don't want to participate anymore as it appears pointless.

I find it hard to maintain friendships. Apparently, you should keep in contact periodically (phone calls, messaging, meeting up) to ensure your friendship survives - I'm not great at that.

What makes you not great at it? Too distracted by other things , forgetting or something else ?

I think it's more that I'm happy enough already mixed with a dash of apathy.

Mostly reluctance for me. If I'm asked to go somewhere or hang out with people and agree, I usually end up feeling trapped and counting the minutes until I can leave. I feel bad though because I know they were trying to be nice by inviting me. I have a few friends that I talk to a few times a year and everyone's ok with that. Quality over quantity.

So do you older living on your own ever feel stranded without friends? That's the only part that concerns me. Or are you self sufficient enough that it doesn't matter?

It was easier to make friends when I was little because kids mostly came to me to play or would just start talking to me and hang out with me. Plus I called anyone my friend who I sat with in class or were partnered with by the teacher or whom I followed around on the playground and whoever I played with in class. Then that all changed when I got older because kids start to get into things I am not interested in and they decided to just stand around and chit chat and do nothing and they would not want me around anymore. I started to find it hard to make friends and to keep them and I found out in high school all my "friends" were just acquaintances because they never hang out at my house and I never go to theirs, we don't hang out outside of school, they are not someone I would go to for personal problems and they don't call me on the phone.

I have no idea how I would make friends as an adult unless they came to me and invited me but no one does that. I only have online ones but they have all faded away and I still talk to one of them sometimes on Facebook but I also have honestly lost interest in any online chatting. It takes an effort to respond to any PMs online or emails.

I made a few friends when I was little. I guess children aren't too hung up on differences. I was very reluctant to make friends from Grades 8-12. So many of my regular peers were either making fun of me or dismissing me, so I decided to give up and be friends with a few special needs peers. A few Sids, like me.

I have two really close friends that I spend time with and I'm friends with everyone at the bank that I work at.

Had few friends as a child & youth, & none of those friendships lasted. My being different interfered with making friends then. Once I was in my twenties I was a little better at interacting with people, but by then I didn't want friends anymore. I have found that maintaining a relationship of any kind is very demanding, very draining, & very stressful for me. People you interact with on a regular basis expect you to maintain frequent contact, to go out with them periodically, & to visit with them on a regular basis. They also expect you to do so at times/dates that can be planned on, & sometimes, also, at times/dates that are sprung on one at short notice. I have always had Executive Function Disorder, so I don't handle sudden changes in plan well. I also don't like being pressured into participating in things that I am not interested in doing. Also, I am a very solitary person, with interests of my own, which I don't like to set aside to interact with other people, so I finally got to the point where I realized friendships weren't for me. I find life much less stressful when I don't have to interact with other people.

I also have trouble interacting with relatives. They are very insistent on have contact with me at least once or twice a week. I am a hermit type person who is not into contact. I am also always busy doing stuff, or sleeping/eating/bathroom. I have health issues that cause me to have an irregular sleep/wake/meal time cycle. Because of IBS I also spend a lot of time in the bathroom, so I am not good at keeping in touch with family.

If you want friends, fine, but it doesn't work for me.

I've been told that I have trouble differentiating between friends and acquaintances. I often think I have made a friend if I have a successful conversation with somebody, when in reality, it was just one interaction.

I often find interacting exhausting with people in person. Online, it doesn't tire me out as much. I do love meeting people with common interests and find talking with them fun, but I don't often encounter people who like the same stuff as I do in person. I don't really understand social politics and have found that girls my age are somewhat catty and enjoy talking about other people behind their backs, which I hate when people do. We also have different interests and life goals.

Yes. I know I should go out more, make eye contact, smile, ask people questions and act interested, but I can't be bothered. Partly because it would require too much effort, and l'd worry that I couldn't 'fake it' as well as a neuro typical could and would come across as false.

I've always had trouble making friends. As a child, I always had to do the running, so by the time I reached adolescence I decided to let people approach me instead. Most of my peers weren't interested in me, but I managed to make one friend and we still keep in touch.

In my teens and early twenties, I was out of sync with my peers because I didn't want to socialise, drink alcohol or have sex, so I got left behind and never managed to catch up.

Now, as an adult, the gulf has widened so much, that I have even less in common with my contemporaries and I'm not quite sure what to do about that. Everyone my age has partners, children, jobs, social networks... Even if they are currently single, they've had relationship experience.

So, even though I technically know what to do in social situations, putting it into practice is too much of a challenge for me unfortunately.

The only reason I asked is to see if what I experience could be caused by ASD , there are so many overlapping symptoms I'm trying to work what symptoms to ignore and what to research.

I was just thinking about this tendency in myself as well, though unconnected to ASD or maybe ADHD or anything, more just thinking how callous and snarky my secret internal dialogue can be sometimes. Generally I like the abstract idea of having friends and bonding and having close relationships like I see depicted in movies and such. But if/when presented with the actual concrete opportunity to cultivate a real friendship, I'd rather not. I have a couple of female friends/acquaintances that invite me out to group activities every one or two months and that seems to satiate my needs.

When I was younger, I didn't particularly want friends. I was very happy alone with books or in nature. Although, I didn't understand social norms at all so it would have been hard for me to make friends if I wanted them. I wound up with a handful of good friends throughout my childhood who were understanding, although we're not in touch now as adults (eventually, I think they became less understanding).

These days, I can get along well with others but I don't enjoy a lot of the common "social rituals". Social media, bars, parties, clubs, etc. And I don't find much enjoyment in casual socializing or casual friendships, I'd prefer a few close ones. Although even finding casual friendships is next to impossible once you're older and not in school, if work doesn't introduce you to enough people.