lostonearth35 wrote:
An NT child crying and screaming when throwing a tantrum is doing it to get what they want. For example you're with them at the playground and then you tell them it's time to go home. First they start whining about not wanting to go. Then, if you haven't given in to their whining, then they start screaming and crying. They're aware of what's going on around them, they might check to see if the adults are giving in to their behavior, and they normally stop either because they get what they want (which is rewarding bad behavior), or because the adults wouldn't give in and it was useless, anyway.
An aspie crying and screaming during a meltdown is usually suffering from sensory overload and just can't take it any more. They might be at the same playground and there are too many other kids, it's too noisy and bright out, they may not want to play with the kids but the adults insist that they do. They may not show awareness of their surroundings, and they are not trying to manipulate others into giving them what they want. They don't always cry and scream, either. They might just be "numb". Aspies can have tantrums, too, but then it's more like the NT tantrum I just described.
Agreed.
My daughter (a toddler, not diagnosed but I have a strong suspicion) has had a few meltdowns in her time. She now has shutdowns instead - she's become very good at internalising and 'coping', but the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown was clear. In fact, I'm lucky that she's also only had one proper tantrum!
The tantrum was 'controlled'. There were tears and she was lashing out, but you could tell that it came from a place of anger and upset and that it was a standard emotional response. She kicked, she pushed me away, she shook me off when I tried to go near her, she cried and she shouted real words. And she didn't want comfort from me, because she was angry at me. She wanted what she wanted, and the more I refused and tried to calm her down the more upset she got until she realised that her tantrum wasn't helping.
Her meltdowns, when she's had those, were just a total loss of control. Tears, panic, stress and upset, unable to control herself. There was nothing 'thought out' about it. No deliberate action. Just desperation. And she was more cooperative in that when she was removed from the situation and taken somewhere quiet, she was happy to cuddle in for security and try to calm herself down.
Definitely, the first meltdown I treated as a tantrum because I didn't know the difference, but it soon became clear. And, when I realised she was having meltdowns, I was able to identify the causes and find ways to avoid them in future. It is hard to describe the difference, but when you've seen them both you know.
Now, like I say, she has shutdowns instead. Much like mine, in that she goes quiet and seems out of it, shuffles around rather than walking with purpose, stares blankly into the distance and is less responsive, and in her case starts moving towards tears again if she doesn't get out of the situation, but hasn't for a long time ended up in a full meltdown.
My own meltdowns or short, sharp moments of a bit of hand flapping and shouting. They apparently sound angry to outsiders, but are rooted in panic like my daughter's. Usually there's no noticeable build-up. I'm struggling, one more thing happens and I just snap. Then, a minute later, I'm fine or I've moved into shutdown. I definitely don't have anything prolonged like my daughter, it's more a short explosion. And I definitely don't have time to think about it beforehand, or to
want someone to make me snap.
I feel anger. It's rare, but I feel it. Anger is totally different. Again, not always controllable, but very different to a meltdown.
10 Feb 2017, 9:18 am
