Recognizing Autism In Others

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Now that I'm more familiar with the signs of HFA, all the lights are suddenly going on and I can think of several people I've known, and some I've been close to, who were probably HFA. It's all suddenly becoming clear now. I'm thinking of a couple people, including one ex-girlfriend, who are screamingly obviously autistic.

Is there any danger with this? Is it possible to project my own problems onto others, and to see HFA in someone else when it isn't there? What's the danger of misreading people, even if it's just in my own mind? What about conversations with these individuals about autism? Have you had any experience with this?

You can certainly be mistaken, assuming that similar results imply similar causes, so I'd proceed cautiously if you are seeing many cases. However, we generally find it a relief to understand the situation, so overall, trying to share a DX is a good thing. I once spotted a HFA on a listserv, coping with a business and family of his own, and he was only unhappy that he hadn't noticed it himself. He would have, but he'd never run across a list of common characteristics before. I should probably call another old friend, who is even more classic.

The "danger" is that often when you look for something you'll begin finding it where it doesn't exist. Even if its a Dx you have yourself, you may "find" others who seem to share your traits, but not your Dx. There's probably little harm as long as you're aware of what you're doing and keep your "discoveries" to yourself.

I have no idea how you'd properly broach the subject of "Are you HFA too?" outside of a dedicated forum.

Talking about your own discovery is not rude, and may be all they need.

In my experience, yes, we're drawn together. I can usually spot another aspie with no trouble. I wish my gaydar was equally as good!

One can spot autistic traits. They may be traits caused by another condition or because they are a introverted, quirky NT. Even when observing a person for a long period of time you can not know what is going inside a person, what they are thinking inside, what they were like as a child, or what they are like in private. One can be highly suspicious of autism in another person. If you are certain other people are autistic you are the problem.

The progress I've made in a decade, mostly with counselling, is just understanding what I'm coping with. Just recently, I learned that for NTs, Theory of Mind is automatic, while for me it has always been a conscious process, and my counsellor was amazed that we hadn't known that about each other.

i've been finding that i not only recognize it in others, that makes me more sympathetic towards them as well.

I always always end up finding the other autistic in the group and hanging out with him. And sure enough, usually he has a diagnosis. It's happened to me at least 3 times where the person was actually a diagnosed Aspie... once in elementary school, once in a mental hospital, and once in another online community. There were at least 2 other times where the person wasn't diagnosed (once in high school and once in another online community).

I say trust your instincts, but be prepared for mixed reactions if you discuss autism openly. Maybe keep this following story in mind:

Many years ago I happened to be at a social event with someone who was obviously autistic and also an important cancer researcher. We were doing small talk and he was telling me about his research and asking me about mine. He asked me to my face if I thought he was autistic. I was in a position of telling him something I could tell he suspected but did not know or lying. I said something like that he did have some signs but who knows. Our lively discussion went suddenly cold and I spent the rest of the social event feeling awkward and wondering if I had done him harm. I knew after I'd said it that he had wanted me to say "no you're not autistic." I should have just evaded answering him, but I was on the spot and didn't see that option at the time. I never ran into him again. I don't know if that was accidental or if he made sure we didn't run into each other again, you know? It really made me feel bad. We weren't friends just happened to have a conversation so there was no way for me to reach out and see if he was okay.

I am seeing it everywhere too. Even in famous people. I had an Andy Warhol book out and I started thinking about the book for a minute. He sounds super autistic in it. So I googled if he was or not and there are theories that he was. It was neat to recognize this.

Now I see it in an acquaintance and I desperately want to ask. But it might be better just talking about my own dealings with it and see if he bites.

On the other hand, I suspect my mother is also Aspie but I know she hasn't a clue. Maybe I'll broach the topic one day.

The thing is, I would have been thrilled if someone told me years ago. But I had to figure it out for myself after 34 years. So, I think it should definitely be brought up in one way or another.