Asperger's and large family gatherings

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Hello,
I am faced with a bit of a dilemma. There is a big family get-together coming up in my family. I do enjoy these get-togethers, but I have one family member who teases mercilessly and everyone respects him (as do I) but claims "it is no big deal." 15-20 people in one room is overwhelming to me and causes anxiety, especially a series of small incidents last Christmas. My family wants to see me and I want to see them, but I would rather "back away" and spend the day at home instead of going to the get-together, where there is literally no "escape route." The whole family is a very nice, respectful lot, but picks up on signs of weakness quickly. Should I go to this get-together (2.5 hours from my home) or just back away and stay at home? I my family but sometimes the whole thing can be a bit too much.
Sincerely,
Arctos Lowood

I'd say you have more to gain from seeing your family rather than staying away, even though it will certainly be taxing. Around any of my big family gatherings I often will take little breaks of about 10 minutes from everyone to be alone if I can, and if I can't, set myself on a working task like making tea just so I can get that space in my mind. I used to question this and feel bad about it, but it does help manage the anxiety.

Is there another family member who might be able and willing to keep the 'teaser' away from you, or to help explain to them that it is in fact a big deal?

Agree with that, especially as some of the family gatherings I have to attend often contain small children who don't understand your condition and are often extreme levels of sugar-high.

Hello,
Finally people are understanding how I feel about the whole thing! I seeing my family and have a great time at the gatherings and always go to them, but this time I would rather stay away due to some issues that happened at the last family gathering (Christmas) which brought on autism-related anxiety. Unfortunately, no one in the family can keep the "teaser" away from me because they really respect him and I respect him, too. I cannot be myself around that side of the family at all The other side of my family is more respectful, but they're all gone and the only one left lives across the country from me. I really do my family, but I need a little more "space" away from them. I will let you know on the decision I make. I all you guys' answers and how you guys are all very perceptive!
Sincerely,
Arctos Lowood

Hello,
Some unavoidable events happened which means I will not be able to attend the family gathering. I all my family, but I need a break after a few minor Asperger's meltdowns that happened at Christmas. I would not have gone even if those unavoidable events would not have happened. I the suggestions and good points everyone on here has been making! Again, I have nothing but deep and respect for all of my family, but it would have been too taxing to deal with the whole thing.
Sincerely,
Arctos Lowood

I actually have a problem with being in large groups, even with my own family. Even at family gatherings, I tend to avoid most people and keep to myself, saying little more than "hello" and "goodbye."

I don't go because I like it (and, if I do like it, it's because my favorite cousin is there); I go because I recognize my family's need to see each other and be reassured that everything is okay. Plus, in your family's eyes, they might think you don't like/love them if you don't go.

I totally agree with this! I try to keep to myself, but in THAT family, everyone asks a lot of questions and there's a lot of annoying teasing. I do my family big time, but don't think I could handle it not that long after Christmas, when I had a good time but also had a lot of Aspie-related anxiety. If you read my reply above, I can't go to the gathering anyway due to unavoidable events. My family knows I them (which is true) but it just would have been too much for me. I will go to the next family get-together, though.