Mistake telling my family about possibly having Asperger's?

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A few months ago I told my parents about how I had suspected for some time that I might have Asperger's because it would explain a lot of the problems I've had over the years. I talked about how had been researching the possibility and how I can relate a lot of what I've found online and what I've learned talking to people I've met at a local support group.

When I was younger, no one really knew about Asperger's, however, up until my pre-teen years anything "weird" or quirky on my part wasn't a problem- people told me how smart I was, and I got a long well with other kids. My special interests were encouraged.

Around 11 or 12 years old though, something changed- even without knowing anything about Apserger's, my parents attitude about me and my unusual but harmless behavior changed drastically, and they got downright obnoxious about "correcting" my behavior, getting the idea somehow that "gifted" meant mentally challenged and put an insane amount of effort trying to get me to be "normal"- restrictions on activities that weren't school related or related to managing my health issues, forced interactions to teach me proper social skills, and when I was around them, not allowing me to talk unless it was about one of a limited group of topics, and no talking about special interests, to the point of ignoring me until I got the hint and stopped, or else interrupting me if it looked like the conversation was drifting towards something I was interested in. The thing is, all of that was totally unnecessary. While there were some issues socializing sometimes and issues with executive functioning, none of it was on a level that warranted the way my family was acting- I actually had friends, so the forced coaching about how not to be weird around other people was definitely not needed. They became obsessed with those few things that were a problem and made them into the only thing about me, and it seemed like a lot of contrived drama was being created around me being a bit out of synch.

For years though a lot of that was forgotten although as an adult it seems like I've been under more scrutiny from my family than I should be. But what's been happening after I told them about possibly having Asperger's seems to have gotten them to dust off all of those old arguments. I'm as responsible as most adults, but since I don't make a big show out of mundane activities like paying bills or housecleaning they're acting as if I'm just like I was when I was a teenager, to the point of being expected to do chores to their satisfaction. In my own apartment.

Even the controlled interaction thing- over New Year's, my sister and her kids were visiting, and we were all at my parents house. I was really excited to see them, and my sister and nieces and nephew were genuinely excited as well. Except that in the two days they were visiting, I barely got to actually have a chat with them. Every time I tried to join the conversation, my parents would interrupt me until I backed off and got quiet, even when what I was going to say was totally relevant. They went as far as interrupting my sister and the kids if they tried talking to me. At one point they had left the room, only to rush back in when my sister started asking me about a project I'm working on.
I wasn't warned ahead of time, nor has anything been said about it since then. Previous visits never went like that.

I'm not sure what's really going on, but it's really upsetting- I consider my researching Asperger's and pursuing testing and a diagnosis to something proactive, but it looks like my parents are fixating on only the negative stereotypical aspects of it.

So was I wrong to tell them?

Well, it doesn't matter now, it's done - you can't remove the information from their minds. It sounds as though they need educating on what Asperger's actually is, and who you are as a person. If it were me, I'd write them a letter detailing my frustrations with the situation. Letters allow you to say exactly what you need to, are easier than trying to verbalise it and they also allow the recipient to read it and formulate a response at their own pace.

In the meantime, could you arrange to see your sister and her kids somewhere away from your parents?

Have you tried asking them plainly why they prevent you from having conversations and such? Their strategy only works if you acquiesce and go along with it. Call them out on it when it happens. If they cut you off from having a conversation, ask them right there why they just interrupted you. Interrupting is not socially acceptable either.

I've done this with my mother and she has figured out to stay on her side of the line and not push me around. I don't even have to be mean about it, just frank. When I told my mother it was suggested I get tested for Aspergers, she waved it off and said you don't need to worry about that. I simply said, I'll decide that. She was taken aback, but what can you do? I'm an adult with my own life and it IS my decision. What is she going to do? Say, no, it's not?

Apparently in the real world people don't usually call people out on their rudeness. It's some kind of unspoken rule or something. But if you call them out on it plainly, there's nowhere for them to go except either tell the truth about their motives or back off.