Being an autistic soldier

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Hey guys, I just wanted to share my experience being a soldier and somethings i've learned to cope in a working environment not sure if it would be useful to anyone but I hope it helps!

I joined the military in 2012, it wasn't a bed of roses as I had expected as much. I was still distress over crowds, noises and people in general. After training I often spent time alone. I ate away from everyone, I locked myself in the armory to shut myself from all the noise. I was barely balancing my mental state from being dragged into a meltdown.

One day my warrant officer noticed my odd behaviour and sat beside me. He asked "Why are you always alone" I told him, I have trouble making friends, and i'm afraid of people. Out of goodwill and to my dread my warrant spoke with my sarge and ordered that from tomorrow the entire platoon shall sit and accompany me wherever I go to help me bond.

I was a horrorshow played in 4d. I slowly became more and more distress each day. Until finally it happened. I had a meltdown and a total breakdown after training and punched my captain. I was aware i was screwing it big time but I couldn't help it. I knew I was going to be court martial for this.

I finally got a hold of myself after a while. Body shivering, perspiring all over. Everyone was confused. I explained to them my condition to some success. My captain chose not to pursue the issue and ordered for the soldiers to let me rest.

In spite of this my sarge came up telling me that he won't give up on me and he would help me overcome autism. He didn't understand..... It was not something I could conquer head on. In spite of all the Sensory Integration Therapy, I couldn't cope being put into a perpetually crowded environment marching in file all day with the platoon.

Realizing that there was no way to reason with him. I took matters to control myself from another meltdown. I took every moment I could during breaks to stay as far away from everyone to regain my composure. I stopped eating at the mess hall and instead picked up grains to eat quietly in the store room.

As time went by I came to terms that there were some thing in me that would never fully be recovered to that of a neurotypical. I spoke to all the soldiers and gave them the analogy about my distress for crowds. It was like asking a human to fly without wings or a plane.

Most of them understood and gave me some space. They understood that I wasn't spacing away because I hated them. I have great friends in the military but I needed a lot of time alone to mantain my composure. The agreement was mutual. I managed my exposures to crowds and also learned to take socializing slowly instead of avoiding it entirely.

I spent the next 2 years in peace as was even awarded an award for saving a fellow soldier from being a heat casualty during a training exercise. Eventually parting on a high note. My experience in the military has taught me how to cope in the civilian world.

I leave for work early before the train crowd, I work close to the office exit so I can walk out to regain my composure whenever I need to. I eat on my own and I socialize with my colleagues as I work. Its been going very well!

Congrats to you, many thanks for sharing and welcome to WP!

As Leejosepho has already said , Welcome. What you described sounded like torture to me , if I was a religious man I would of likened it to purgatory. Glad it's all on the up for you now.

Thanks lee! I hope this post would be helpful!
@Ferris
Thx too! I actually learned a lot there I don't regret the experience haha.

I don't doubt it , sometimes you can learn from trauma , I know I've learnt things from trauma that I probably wouldn't of understood otherwise.

How could anyone think being a soldier is a bed of roses? More like a bed of thorn bushes with the roses removed. Metaphorically speaking.

I also don't understand how anyone on the spectrum can stand to be a soldier. Being pushed physically, emotionally and mentally beyond the normal range of human endurance is horrific enough even when your NT. Sometime last month heard about someone with PTSD murdering his own wife and children. Love how the governments always have money to spend on war but won't help those mentally scarred by it.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I had a couple of family members go through basic training. One is autistic and the other has PTSD from childhood trauma that happened before he was old enough to remember it. Both of them reacted about how you described. My autistic family member specifically said he was about to deck his superior.

A lot of lightbulbs went off for me when I read your account. I'm glad you stuck with it. I wonder if either of my family members could have turned the experience around if they had dealt with it as proactively as you did.

Thank you for telling your story. Thank you for your service. Military structure has many benefits. Not everyone can access those benefits as you have but for those who do it can be life changing.

Probably the most famous example of a AS person in the military is George Patton. He could see patterns unfolding in battle that no one else could see. He had the ADHD aspect that did not allow him to let up. Hitler feared him more than any other allied General. He made grave socialization errors like the time he slapped a shell shocked soldier, something that would have gotten any other officer kicked out of the military, but everyone knew he was "different" and better at war than all his peers, so that cut him some slack. There is a place for some AS people in the military.

Thank again.

In Israel they have an army unit exclusively for people on the spectrum. I know bringing up the IDF and Israel has the potential to open up a can of worms but I'm putting it out there. Military service is compulsory there and I read somewhere that Jews have the highest percentage of autistic people out of all ethnicities so in a way it was going to be inevitable.

I could never deal with being in the Army, especially not on active duty. My grandfather was wounded at Normandy and he still had the shrapnel in him when he died. Not to mention the sounds and smells of the battlefield.