I'm A Nobody

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I'm the type of person who has so much to so much to say but never knows how to say it.
My communication sucks, in a way that no one else has probably seen before.
I say things in the worst possible ways, that get misinterpreted.
I'm the one who posts and hardly anyone replies to my topics, generally.
I'm the type of person who goes looking for people like me but only finds sociopaths, fakes and monsters.
I'm the one who has Autism and can't even fit in with other people who have Autism (weird, huh?)
I'm the kind of person who gets bad luck constantly and can't get a break.
I'm the kind of person who doesn't know what they want to do, or where to go.
When I ask if anyone can relate questions, I rarely ever get replies.
I'm the type of person who does really weird/unusual stuff...
I'm the girl who ever hates, and calls me the 'b' word, despite that don't know me, and generally I haven't done, nor said anything for them the judge me.
I'm the type of person who if at a party, no one bothers to interact with, and everyone ignores generally.
I struggle to understand people, and the world around me.
I wish people would try and desire to understand me as much I try and desire to understand them.
I was the type of girl who tried/or made everyone afraid of me since no one liked me, and often judged me or played me for a fool.
I'm the type of person who does really weird/unusual stuff...
I'm the type of person who always feels inferior, and like a ghost, or centre of negative attention sometimes.
I always want to be better, or impress people, or shock people because I never feel that I am good enough.
I have one best friend, who is my only link. We're friends because she knows my Sister, and friends with my Sister, and knew me since I was little. Without her, I have have nothing.

I love The Power Puff Girls though ! That was one of my most frequently watched cartoons, back when I used to watch cartoons anyway, although I have since then been without television for nearly two decades. I also practically automatically fell in love with you after reading how much you care about community well-being. I did.

Hey Powerpuff sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I am 16 and two years ago I was extremely depressed and felt like nothing I said was good enough and make sense. The thing is I got out of that stage. If their is one thing I learnt from that stage is that our negative view clouds who we really are. I think for that reason once you get out of depression you will find you are fairly capable at communication and find their your not stupid.

I do not understand your situation entirely but I know what its like to be depressed. And if I can get out of that stage why can't you.

Not so weird. I've read so many blog posts by autistic women who write about how they feel they've 'come home' once they've become part of the autistic community, how they suddenly fit in with all these people who think like they do. I don't get it. I don't fit in anywhere at all.

I don't feel like I belong in the community anymore nor have I ever. People always claim to be tolerant of other's opinions, but when I open my mouth, they turn their backs on me. Such hypocrites living in this world. When it doesn't match what they think, they don't associate with you. I guess I can be like that as well, that's life, now isn't it? I wish you the best, I recommend joining a club for people who have a similar interest.

Thank you for your replies, (((Hugs))) to all of you.
This is the first time I have heard that there are others like me.
Does anyone know of any groups that are specifically for people like us?
I tried making one on Facebook, but unfortunately, no one has joined and I haven't any way of getting it known.

I think that in the end, we aren't community people. I've never understood this whole sense of community. You're supposed to bond with people based on one common factor and nothing else? At least that's what the media makes it seem like. Such as race, age, gender, etc. I don't get it at all. Wouldn't it be more practical to bond over things like common interests? As for us, I'm sure we'll all find a place eventually.

You guys clearly are a community. I would say a moving cloud community. When you hear about some autistic person somewhere getting some props, don't you say to yourself, "That's our soldier. Good for him/her." Or when you read a story online that has been posted by an autistic person, aren't you more likely to read it? There is solidarity there.

Do you think maybe you just don't FEEL the community?

I've been using this analogy a lot lately, but I'll go ahead anyway. I've been taking this aqua aerobics class at the gym with elderly people. I'm almost 40, not elderly, and I'm heavily tattooed, which I can't hide in the pool. Elderly people aren't. It may seem as though I don't fit in with those people. But we're all neurotypical. A leader gives instructions and we, the herd, all do the same action as one. There is a soothing, "group as one" feeling. I'm not sure many autistic people pick up that feeling as anything but discomfort. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe that is one of the tenets of autism.

I can relate to a lot what you wrote. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that we would get along. Our autism and weirdness isn't enough. I think there's probably a friend for everyone in this world, but it might take a lifetime to find them.

I don't feel there is much of a community at all really, there is this site I guess but there is no solidarity and honestly when I see somebody do well with supports and come from better circumstances it is hard not to be jealous or resentful on some level. I know that is wrong but it doesn't stop you from thinking that way.

I don't bond with anybody, I see it as something fundamentally broken within myself that basically makes me less than human. Just venting so don't get offended please, it's all directed inward. I try really hard, I hold myself to a very high standard, it's all a pain.

but no Powerpuff you are not alone in how you feel, hopefully one day you can get to a place where you are happy.

Your almost me and that's almost my past similar experiences. Your not a nobody, you just haven't found the right friends.

As long as you love yourself and believe. I don't care if I'm different or the outcast. I know myself and accept that

Really? I've bonded with you, Jacoby. If my husband and I had had a child right after we got married he would about your age and perhaps with your personality. I kind of think of you like my online older child. Of course, if you were the son of mine and my husband's you would look like a blend of Jay and Silent Bob. I don't know if you'd like that.

(((PowerfuffGirls)))

Five years ago, I felt much as you do now. Things have improved quite a bit for me since then. I hope things improve for you.

I really appreciate you saying that, forgive me if you feel what I said discounts that in anyway. It's hard for me not to post depressive things sometimes and I imagine it's probably hard for everybody to give a proper value to the relationships & interactions they have people online so I apologize if you feel at all slighted. You are a kind person and I am glad that you have reached out to me when you have. As I said before, I am really hard on myself and offline in 'real life' things are a struggle every day. "Meeting" and talking to people online is a lot easier than it is done face to face, it's the missing piece right now for me.

As for looking like some blend of Jay and Silent Bob, are you sure you haven't seen my picture?

I haven't, why? Do you really look like like? Omg that would be epic.

Sorry to hijack the thread with me and Jacoby's mom/child bromance. Maybe this is a good example, though, that a lot of us feel like nobodies sometimes but are special to someone we might not have thought of. The person at the grocery store, a friend in class, your nephew? Someone, though?

hi, i am a really shy person and my communication with strangers is awful and i know it is easy to say that "no one is nobody" and things like that (i hate when people says this to me, it is so easy for them) but, i don't know, if you are different you have a different point of view and that make you a special person, and if you have met just bad people, there is something wrong with them, not with you...
i don't know if i said what i mean in the right way, anyway nice to meet you and good luck