Disappointed with "The Complete Guide to Asperger's"

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So I got a copy of Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome," which is supposedly the authoritative text for both clinicians and people with autism. But I'm unimpressed. Here's what I think:

1. Like most self-help books, this book has several hundred pages describing the problem with remarkable eloquence and insight, but when it comes to offering a solution to the problem, it offers only about 10 pages of half-baked ideas.

2. Attwood approaches autism with the same arrogance that the IQ people approach IQ, asserting that autism is a fixed, unchangeable set of traits that will be unresponsive to efforts for improvement, except through a trademarked program Attwood called "Social Stories."

3. He treats social skills as a matter of inborn intuition, almost as if people who are born with this intuition (NTs, allegedly) are members of a special club of people who Get It. If you weren't born a member of the special club of people who Get It, then no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to Get It, because intuition cannot be learned.

4. For autistics who appear to have good social skills, Attwood asserts that these autistics did not actually learn good social skills, but instead have become convincing actors who are good at pretending to have social skills, and who have learned to imitate NT behavior and feelings without actually having those feelings.

5. Attwood's general tone is that autism is actually a special talent that does not, or should not, need to be changed. But he completely ignores the fact that autism causes significant problems for family members of autistics and other people who depend on autistics, and he makes only minimal effort to offer solutions to this problem.

All in all, this book was a disappointment, because it mostly rehashed everything I already knew about autism, and was generally pessimistic about any hope for improving the quality of life of autistics and people who are close to autistics.

If you're read this book, what are your thoughts?

I like it, it's been very insightful.

Well, iliketrees, it appears that you and I don't have a very good track record of agreeing on things, do we?

What did you like about it?

It's really helped my parents understand me better, and I've learnt more about myself from it as well.

I think I recognise parts of this in myself it is how I cope although there is a price to be paid as it takes so much energy - I have not read the book however so will not comment further

4. For autistics who appear to have good social skills, Attwood asserts that these autistics did not actually learn good social skills, but instead have become convincing actors who are good at pretending to have social skills, and who have learned to imitate NT behaviour and feelings without actually having those feelings.

Why do you think it's a self-help book? The title clearly says it's a guide.


Well, that's a positive attitude. Far too many people want to get rid of their autism, or diminish its effects. It's nice to see someone who wants to improve it and get even better at being autistic. Bravo!


I like Attwood's tone. It made for a pleasant change to all the autism-is-vile-and-horrible-and-has-kidnapped-your-child stuff that constituted the standard narrative when the book first came out.

And I think Attwood makes the single most sensible and helpful suggestion possible: stop expecting autistics to act the same way you do. I mean, I'm autistic and I long ago learned to accommodate the NTs in my life and to stop expecting them to respond to things the way I do, but apparently the idea that they might reciprocated this courtesy is an alien notion to far too many of them.

I read it and it depressed me. It was a while back when I read it, so I would have to familiarize myself with it again, but I just remember that it didn't paint a very hopeful picture where NT's were concerned if they were in a relationship with an Aspie. I don't believe it gave any helpful insights on how to make a relationship better either.

Your #5 sums up how I remember the book to have been. I actually expected Tony Attwood to be more "positive", but he wasn't.

Here's one thing I don't get. Certain people (not all) who probably lack education on the topic of autism, make it seem like lack of social interaction is the biggest issue. I think that'd be the last thing to worry about. There are even some less social people who are neurotypical.

One of my issues with working out if I have autism was my social skills , when I'm firing on all cylinders my social skills appear fine. I have a hard time believing that I am a convinving actor pretending to have social skills , I'm either that good an actor that I fool myself or ( I dont know what the or is ).

Identifying the traits of Asperger's is very important if you want to make a relationship better.
It also helps to identify mental illness, such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you are a visual thinker you may want to put everything on a map. Then color code them according to how difficult it may be to change them. Most people can forget about changing OCDs, it usually doesn't happen.

I found it, in the end, like most books on the subject of Autism and Asperger Syndrome, a bit depressing. His definition of mental disability was also quite curious to me. He said something about not being able to understand mortgages and similar documents. I believe most people who aren't professionals and don't work with such documents on a regular basis would have to enlist the services of said professionals. I was depressed by the idea that, under Attwood's criteria, I am nowhere close to being normal.

Aspies typically take things at face value.
But, things like rental agreements aren't like that.
A professional can tell you that certain provisions are either unenforceable or prohibited by local law.
There is no way you would know that just by studying the document.

"The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" was one of the first books I had read, after learning about Asperger's. I found the book illuminating and quite useful.

Did he actually say that? I would find that very offensive. How care anyone say mine are fake. Sounds like he has some negative views about autism. Plus when I went to one of his conferences in 2009 I had to leave because his was so boring about autism and it was nothing but stereotypes portraying them all as being mathematical geniuses.

That is like saying an as*hole is faking being nice and a good person when in fact they wanted to be a good person so they work really hard at not being an as*hole so they are called a fake for not being an as*hole, go figure.

I have never read the book but have heard about it.

Yeah, he essentially says that if you're an NT in a relationship with an Aspie, there is nothing you can do to improve the relationship, and you need to look to people outside the relationship to get your needs met.

But Attwood doesn't want to help you make the relationship better. He wants you to accept that the relationship will never be better.



OCD is actually one of the conditions of associated with autism that does respond well, and quickly, to treatment. I have OCD tendencies, and when my OCD was really bad back in 2009, therapy started to improve my symptoms almost immediately, and in three months the OCD was quite manageable.