Letting people know you're having a shutdown / meltdown

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This might seem a like a strange question because I think most people would notice if you were having a "normal" meltdown, but I seem to be a bit different. I'm not sure whether you'd consider it a shutdown or just an "internal meltdown" but from the outside I don't think people know what's going on.

My problem is that I play a team sport and the evening training sessions, after a whole day of work, seems to be when I have the most meltdowns. It's loud and busy and people are shouting things and then all it takes is the coach to introduce a new drill or something unexpected and that seems to be the last straw, as it were. I get very upset but have a way of keeping it inside. I can't seem to do any of the basic physical things needed for practice, but I can't verbalise what's wrong either, but it's obvious to everyone that something isn't right. I recently explained to my coach about my AS but I don't think he understands it enough to know what a meltdown is (he's keen to learn, I just didn't want to bombard him with too much information all at once).

Has anyone else been in a situation when you need to let someone know that you're having a meltdown / shutdown / whatever but don't have the words to do it? If so, how did you manage it? I've seen people having traffic light coloured wristbands but this is more of an immediate thing, I don't have time to change jewelry! Any ideas?

There are double-sided wristbands that you turn inside out, so you don't need to 'change jewellery' as such, just flip it over?

Not me, but my daughter.

I don't know where she got the idea to do this. I'd like to say it is me but it was more likely a suggestion from her social skills coach at school. At the ripe age of 9, she pulled all of her NT friends aside and explained to them that sometimes she feels overwhelmed and shuts down and that when it happens, she cannot speak to them or respond to them. She explained that when that happens, they didn't do anything wrong and she is not mad, and that they shouldn't worry because she will eventually be OK. She told them not to try to make her talk, because it makes her feel worse, and asked that they just make sure she was somewhere safe (for example, take her hand and walk her to the teacher instead of leaving her in the middle of the playground). She told them they will know it was happening because she might move more slowly, not answer their questions, not look at them when they were talking, or seem spaced out.

IOW, for her, the key was not waiting until it was happening, but rather explaining to them that it happens (don't assume they will know, some people are really dense when it comes to stuff like this), how to know it is happening, and what to do to help (and what NOT to do...like trying to make her talk).

One of my friends is a class mom in her classroom. She said there are a handful of girls who are really sensitive to my daughter and who have learned how to notice when she is starting to get overwhelmed before it gets out of control and they help her. Sometimes they "run interference" with other kids. Sometimes they take her hand and guide her. Stuff like that. She is 10 now, and if a handful of 9-10 year old girls can figure out how to help her, I have to believe that there must be at least one grown-up who is on your team who will be able to do the same for you.

Thanks both. I think it's awkward at practice as the coach has 11 other people to be looking at at won't necessarily notice until it's too late for me. I shall have a talk with him about how I can let him know...

Shutdowns happen much more frequently for me than meltdowns.

I let a person know before a situation that may cause a meltdown or a shutdown. For example

Before going to a shopping mall, i tell a person that the lights are very bright and its very loud, so if i stop talking and cant really hear you, im not ignoring you, my brain has just shut down, and should probably go home.

Meltdowns are more complicated, if i am going through a meltdown i remove myself from the situation and tell the person(s) after my meltdown that i was having a meltdown. And also apologize if i hurt them or swore at them.w

Pretty much for me, there's no letting someone know, at that point, I'm in no shape to even try to think of a way to communicate that. It's been the keen observances of those who take care of me that allows for them to deal with the situation.

My shutdowns happen too suddenly to let anybody know.

Regardless of what my problem is, I never tell anyone. I always keep my problems to myself. But then I tend to implode.

I personally don't mention it to people because I don't even know it's happening/happened until after the fact. I just kind of zone/space out, usually without realising. Often I also find myself instinctively getting out my phone and doing stuff on there as a way to focus on a single point rather than everything around me, it can sometimes help me to drown out the background noise.

It is a problem I have when I am in a shutdown. I may be able to speak in a partial shutdown but I will try to avoid speaking as I want to avoid a full shutdown. If I tip over the point where I can't prevent a full shutdown then it is too late, but there also is a brief moment where I can talk but down aant to (Partial shutdown) as I am trying to calm myself and trying to do nothing and lie myself down to prevent a full shutdown coming...
The problem is that I can end up in a partial shutdown before I realize that I am having one so I may have no time to prepare....

I carry a thing in my wallet, but I can't access it because I lose my motor control ability along with my eyesight and speack and hearing etc...

And as I need to be left alone to recover, the last thing I need is someone trying to force me to talk or to get up off the floor etc because I will get repeated shutdowns which sap me of a tremendous amount of energy and the rest of the day has to be spent relaxing in "Me time" "Time out" sort of thing until the next morning where I will then be recharged. (The whole day is effected if I have had a full on shutdown and then a repeat shutdown, or a deep full on shutdown).

Trying to work when experiencing just partial shutdowns is like forced hard labour with an energy starved body that people have in concentration camps on films because it takes every bit of energy to force my body to move to complete just a simple task of walking half way across the room, let alone actually working!

In the past I couldn't tell people as I tried and tried and tried but I did not know what was causing them or what they were called. I spent from the age of 18 (My pare ts would not let me talk about them before that age as they thought I was imagining them) right up to the age of around 47 to 48 to repeatedly try to explain to doctors what I was experiencing and I had no success. It was not until I joined this site as one thing had led to another that had pointed me towards autism as a possible answer that I finally found out they had a name, and they were partial and full shutdowns. I never knew! Years and years of torture!
I could not put two and two together to even work out what caused them as a doctor had convinced me it was allwrgy related when I was in my late teens to early 20's and they never ever despite me asking and asking and asking let me have an allergy test... Not until about three years ago after a change of doctors surgeries did I get a test and it came up clear. (These doctors are good as they listen. The past doctors surgery lablelled me as a complainer and thought I was imagining it).
I have repeatedly had to quit jobs and have been without money for years at a time being trapped after burnouts of not being able to work and yet not being able to claim sick as no one could find an illness....

For years and years I had been trying to find out what it was that I was allergict to! Nothing ever made sense!

Now, today, though I am still waiting to be assessed, I now know the triggers that cause shutdowns so I can avoid some of them! This is great news and has enriched my life.

But how to tell others if I am having a shutdown... This is a problem for me!