I would like to be independent, but staying sane is more important.
I spent nearly 30 years fighting to do all of the things I should have been able to do. All it did was cause me immense stress.
Fact is, there are things I can try to do, but at the result of a constant state of anxiety or regular shutdowns. So, I am lucky to have a supportive husband that helps me with those tasks.
Even before I suspected autism, I struggled to keep on top of cleaning and tidying because I was constantly overwhelmed. I couldn't explain why, and I have no doubt that I seemed lazy, but my husband picked up the slack and I'm so grateful for that. Since my diagnosis, he's also become my named contact with every company that I have dealings with by phone. If I can't use my diagnosis to arrange contact by email or instant message, my husband makes all required calls on my behalf, because that saves me so much difficulty and also means that things actually get properly dealt with rather than me getting the call over as quickly as possible at the expense of actually solving the problem I called for.
There are also some things that I've had to give up on, including most recently running my own business, because trying to keep up was taking its toll. I'd always thought if I kept trying I'd get there, but I wasn't and once I realised why, the thought of continuing that forever was one I couldn't cope with.
I would like not to be that kind of burden, of course. I've always been very independent-minded. But after almost 30 years of that, it was getting harder and harder to keep fighting.
I have my strengths elsewhere. My parenting skills, for example. And I can only keep hoping that they make up for my weaknesses.