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catchme
Butterfly
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12 Feb 2017, 7:38 pm

I recall, as a child, a girl I didn't know well (from school) sat next to me and commented that I seemed like "someone [she] could talk to". She made strange expressions when she spoke, like she was trying to keep food in her mouth or some such thing. I think I thought that making the same expressions as her would make me more relatable, so I tried to make the same face that she made at the end of her sentences. Her response was not what I anticipated. She walked off without saying goodbye.

I've always remembered this exchange. I'm not sure why exactly (confusion, perhaps?). After many years of reviewing it in my head, I understand why she walked away: She thought I was mocking her.

Question: I tend to over-analyze and mimic people's facial expressions, even now, to determine what they're thinking and relate to them (often unsuccessfully). Is this common in ASD?

I'm female, if that matters.

-catchme



Desmilliondetoiles
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15 Feb 2017, 12:28 pm

Rule #1 of masking: When you practice whatever behavior you want to model, you do not do it with the object you are mimicking. For that very reason that you listed, it's hard to explain that you aren't mocking them when you're awkwardly copying them.

Rule #2: If you're especially confused about interactions, the only research you can really do is reading in order to know the expressions associated with a reaction (emotion). Then look up those expressions, bearing in mind that fat and bone structure may make it look different from face to face.

Rule # 3: Replicate effective and positive behavior. If it worked for someone else, it usually will work for you. The issue is identifying the right habit.

Rule #4: I understand that you were trying to be relateable by mimicry but you do not do that with facial expressions. You can do small gestures so that they subconciously react to you. If they turn to you, you turn to them. If they shift their arm, wait at least ten heartbeats before you mimic them.

People are annoyingly complex when it comes to understanding them. Interpretation is the hardest when we only have do much to go on. I don't know if that was terribly helpful but I've been masking for a while. After a while, it becomes second nature to respond and act a certain way.
When she said that you look like someone she could talk to, that was more that she had something she really wanted to voice (something that was bothering her and she felt she had to tell someone). That means you seem like a listener (because you're most likely quiet). She just wants you to sit there while she rants with occasional input so that she knows you're listening. Questions that relate to her story like: Why did that happen? Did she tell whoever pissed her off, can she?


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Luna035
Raven
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15 Feb 2017, 1:35 pm

If I respect the person I am speaking with I will remember what their expressions were, but normally I have a very serious face unless something genuinely makes me smile and that is not common.



Angelicatoo
Emu Egg
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19 Feb 2017, 5:13 pm

I catch myself mimicking actors expressions when I am watching something on tv, not doing it intentionally.



Jacoby
Veteran
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19 Feb 2017, 6:28 pm

I notice myself picking things up from other people quite often



hellhole
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19 Feb 2017, 7:15 pm

"Echolalia"; it's related to Tourettism.


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Polly
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20 Feb 2017, 2:21 am

Angelicatoo wrote:
I catch myself mimicking actors expressions when I am watching something on tv, not doing it intentionally.


I catch myself doing this all the time too.
Now I'm wondering if I sometimes do this when I'm talking to people.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.



Angelicatoo
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20 Feb 2017, 5:09 am

Polly wrote:
Angelicatoo wrote:
I catch myself mimicking actors expressions when I am watching something on tv, not doing it intentionally.


I catch myself doing this all the time too.
Now I'm wondering if I sometimes do this when I'm talking to people.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.


OK so I am not NT but I dont know how mimicking someone's expressions could be wrong. most of the time NTs are smiling whether they mean it or not anyway.