What am I supposed to do with these "friend" things?

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I'm looking into a 22+ high school program next week and if I talk about it with certain people on Facebook, I KNOW they are going to ask me if I made any friends there. I'm not going there to make friends. I'm going there to get my high school diploma. I'm not sure if I will go or not, or even if I'll be a accepted, but for the sake of this argument right now, let's assume I will. Anyway, I never sought out friends or wanted them. I remember getting ready to start preschool about 20 years ago and telling my mom I didn't want to make friends. Naturally, she didn't believe me. I didn't make any friends anyway, I was too in my "own world" to really notice the other kids. Kindergarten came around, same thing and it was decided I wasn't ready for kindergarten at five. I got diagnosed with ADHD because Asperger's didn't exist back then. Even regular autism was synonymous with Rainman. Anyhow, I never had the desire to make friends and and am confused as to why society insists I do. Life isn't some Sims game where you need need a certain number of friends in order to be promoted at your job. If I did have friends, what extactally am I supposed to do with them?

Oh, really? You'd be surprised.

You sure you don't mean "references"?

Yes.

I have the same damn question!!

But perhaps I have a little more experience with "friends" than you, so I will say this. You can talk to them or get advice, similar to this forum. You can share a common interest. You can get ideas. If you feel awkward going out alone, then you can have a friend go with you.

When you have friends you have a support circle around you so if you hit any hard times, they are there to help you and if you end up homeless let's say, you have a place to stay. If you have any problems, you have someone to talk to about your issues and someone to listen to. Having friends also helps you find employment easier because you will have all these references and when you make friends at work, you are more likely to be promoted. Having friends does give you benefits in life and help you move forward and succeed and because some people have a hard time with friends or finding any or having any, that is why they make it a disability because it holds us back.

It kind of is.


See movies together, go hiking together, share class notes, go for coffee or smoothies together, jog together, talk about class, talk about your teacher, talk about your peers, go shopping together, invite each other over for dinner, watch tv together, dogsit for each other, housesit for each other, talk about books, go to museum exhibits or art shows together, go to the gym together, get your nails done or hair cut together, etc.

There's a lot of things female friends do together. The biggest thing we do is look out for each other, but in order to reach that level you need to share some interests or at least experiences. I have at least one friend who I have no idea how I became friends with in the first place, because we really don't have a lot of shared interests. I'm 34 and I've been friends with her since high school. The key is we have a lot of shared experiences, and we know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We agree to disagree on some political things and such. But because we are friends, we'll stand up for each other. She steps in and saves me in social situations and such because she's really strong in that area. I'll help her with the things I'm stronger at than she is.

So is there some kind of law that states that a person must have friends? Can I be arrested for not having them? I know this sounds really silly and the answer is probably no, but I'm really curious now. People have made me feel like a criminal before for not wanting friends. I felt like they were trying to brain wash me into thinking I needed them and they did. Until I got older and realized how boring other people were and I was wasting my time trying to talk to them or they felt like they were wasting their's trying to talk to me. If I can't talk about my obsessions/special interests, I get bored. I've NEVER had someone share my special interests. My special interest now is veterinary medicine and I volunteer at a vet's office, but their "office talk" bores me to tears and the vet seems bored when I ask him legit questions about veterinary medicine. He'd rather talk about sports. When I become a veterinarian myself, I'm SO not going into traditional small animal private practice. I'm either going to go into exotics ONLY or going to work in a zoo someplace or maybe some kind of exotic animal sanctuary for abused big cats and other wild animals people tried to keep as "pets".

I think that they are concerned that you are lonely and they want you to be happy. They think that because friends make them happy then friends will make you happy. They just don't understand feeling content in ones own company.

If I remember correctly, I think you like feed them or something.

I'm exactly the same. I have never had the desire to make friends either, which those who thought themselves experts on me thought I did Besides family, I only care about animals and my other interests. Gillberg was very correct when he made "lack of desire to interact with peers" one of his criteria, it sure holds true for some of us. It's something that's not turned on me at all, and I see no reason to conform on this one. To me, playmates, acquaintances and friends are people who keep me from doing what I actually want to do, which is my interests.

I had a playmate I played with from I was 2 to 5 years old. They lived next door and our mothers found it convenient to put their similarly aged daughters together. When I was still 5, she moved away. I didn't miss her at all, and I didn't look for other kids to play with. Then we moved and I met a girl who was a distant relative. We played until I started school, then she told me being younger than me, that we couldn't play anymore, and I just said okay and continued on my way. They were okay but they didn't mean anything to me, I didn't care about them, didn't bond with them and didn't miss them. I was indifferent.
I've never had the least desire to make friends in any school or any other place I have been since then. I just wanna go there and do what I came there to do, and then return to my life.

For most people interests is something that is secondary to friends and they'd rather bond with them over things they don't care about than pursue actual interests. I would never waste my time on someone else's interests, it's much better that we just go do our different things and do something we both enjoy instead if we are to hang out. To be honest, I prefer to do my interests alone. Other people just tend to get in the way.

For the most part, people bore me. At best, I'm okay with being around them when I have to be a place (places like school, work, congregation), but I would never choose to waste a second of my spare time on them (and yes, waste is how it feels). I would say that my interest in them stops at the gate but that would imply there was an interest to start with. I forgot about them the moment I was no longer interacting with them.
I never liked it at all when people just called on the phone or even come to my door to try to hang out. It's not for me. It just distracts me from what I care about and is annoying.
Even on forums, the only type of social contact that gives me anything, I prefer to keep it casual and on the forum, not behind the scenes. I wanna come and go as I wish and only post when and if I wish. A lot of the time I have nothing to say and no need to say anything. There is nothing wrong with that, and when I die I want to know that as much as I could I lived my life as I wanted to and not regret letting NTs push me into trying to act like them instead of being myself and spend my spare time on my life as I wish.

The reason they are confused is that despite the claim that we aspies lack theory of mind, the truth is that all people only understand those who are similar to themselves. Everyone else must be wrong, mistaken or in denial. The incredible thing is that even as a kid I understood well that they probably felt like that even though I didn't and that I was different, while they didn't understand that we were different in that area.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel very strongly about living such an innocent part of my life the way I want.

You're not a criminal for not sharing their obsession with getting to know more people. You have every right to go to school to get your diploma and not make friends. If you do get in, I honestly think you should do what feels right to you. You might decide to try and find you don't find anyone there likable or you might decide not to try and find you actually like someone there.
Why decide before you even get there? Why not play it by ear?

working to help abused or neglected animals would be really great. You are so lucky to not have allergies that prevent you from working with them.

I'm only allergic to humans....the stupid ones who insist I be friends with them.