Severe and painful Frustration

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Hello, so I'm experiencing a sort of background painful frustration. It's like that feeling you get when you're being tailgated, or when you're watching a slow loading screen, or when something just doesn't work out but X100. It's horrible. I feel like just collapsing and I'm constantly f*****g nauseous. I've had this happen on and off my whole life. Whenever things "just don't workout" I get really angry and I tend to do odd things like hurt myself or exaggerate movements and sounds because I'm so full of annoyance I have to do SOMETHING to get it out. I've self diagnosed myself with things like retardation because I'm so frustrated I just can't handle emotions and thoughts. I can barely type this as I want it, and I use to be a very affluent speaker, now I can barely organize simple sentences.

I don't know what to do anymore. The irritation is unbearable. My mind feels like it's swirling in inexpressive pain, and the worst part is I can't word that pain, it's just there and it's all pervasive. The ULTIMATE cause (or at least the most identifiable one) is when things don't make sense. When I get confused or irritated it just spirals out of control and I end up crying and spa zing (I kept this autocorrect because it's an example of what irritates me) in a corner. I have severe difficulties with expressing pain, so I just go through my day with a blank expression and everyone just thinks I'm fine. When I try to say something they just disregard it as being rebellious.

It's always caused by such small menial things like the auto correct above but I don'tundestnad it, (<-- there's another thing that's irritating). I wantto know if anyone can help, because I'm truly lost as to what to do by this point. I feel like I can't breathand I'm afraid of suffocating, but there's nothing I can do. Everything just adds up into this ball of EXTREME DAMN FRUSTRATION THAT I CAN'T DEAL WITH ANYMORE. Thanks.

When little things set me off, I know that I have major frustrations I'm not dealing with. The world is not designed for us, and these days, it isn't really working well for anyone, but still life persists. We can see it as either a comedy or a tragedy. Maybe you can take a longer view of things overall, and also pick out small things to be grateful for. Time spent trying to meditate on my breath can feel frustrating too, but it does improve my mood overall.

I appreciate the response. I've though about what I posted a bit more and I wouldn't say I regret it, but I've certainly changed my perspective. When this was happening I was also under a severe amount of stress (like homelessness) and that caused my thoughts to be clouded by irritation and fear.

Homelessness is a real bear, especially if you wind up short of sleep. When things feel dangerous, the amygdala shorts out most of our smarts. Getting out of a depression is a lot like getting out of a hole in the ground after you fall in. At first, everything is mixed up, and then everything that was easy is hard. When it's life troubles instead of a real hole, the goal of getting back on your feet on level ground can start to seem out of reach, and you might try learning how to live in the hole. I'm in and out myself, and am learning to just go ahead and get my exercise, etc, almost no matter how I feel.

Thats one of the great things about this forum , you can vocalize your grievances to relative strangers without too much fear of judgement and reprisal and chances are one post will have something in it that might just make a difference.

The hole I fell in was partially filled with quicksand and somedays no matter how hard I try I make no progress upwards , so I just wallow in the quicksand waiting for it to pull me under. Other days the sand seems to solidify and I can get a foothold and sometimes get my head above the hole , sometimes I can last a few days before it rains and the sand liquifys again pulling me down , I've have yet to get out of the hole but it is not from want of trying and I refuse to be beaten by a f*****g hole in the ground.

Focus Plus is a super B12, it will clear your mind within 10 minutes.