Why am I not allowed to be negative in front of my family?

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K_Kelly
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04 Mar 2017, 7:53 pm

Every time I start a discussion with my family about how everything is going to hell, and the US becoming a miserable place to live, I am immediately shut down. I do believe that if they truly wanted to help me as parents, they won't shut me down or be skeptics, for the sake of being skeptic. I almost feel rejected, and I'm told that I am reading crap I shouldn't be reading. I can't reason them on it no matter what. It's like, if I told them "the sky is blue" they would still be skeptical. Negativity doesn't invalidate my opinion, sorry guys.



Exuvian
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04 Mar 2017, 11:44 pm

You're right that your opinion isn't invalidated just because it's negative, but people generally have a low tolerance for negativity. People like to feel "good" and "happy" and often prefer to stick bananas in their ears than deal with and try to improve an unpleasant reality.

A better bet for getting heard is to have a positive solution to propose before bringing up the negative problem. And if every conversation turns to the negative, it probably would be beneficial to recognize some positive things happening in the world now and again.



Dear_one
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05 Mar 2017, 1:26 am

"Denial isn't just a long river in Egypt."
The richest people in the US are using the very best psychological tricks to cultivate denial, because it maintains the status quo. Perhaps their biggest ally is the general human desire to avoid responsibility and guilt over having contributed to the problems. There are also very few options for most people, the way the economy has been built to perpetuate itself.

Current affairs aside, it is wise to err on the side of optimism, because "depressive realism" is a genuine condition. There are not a lot of genuine opportunities, but you can be sure that when they come along, the optimists will get far more than the pessimists. Just temper that eagerness with the best data and processing you can.



naturalplastic
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05 Mar 2017, 3:33 am

There is not enough data here in your post for any of us to respond to your problem.

What things are you negative about?

The problem could be ideological (you unwittingly oppose your parents' political, or religious, beliefs). Your parents might applaud you for being "negative" about other stuff (stuff they dislike). But you keep being negative about stuff they approve of (like you bash Trump, and they like him. Or you bash Hillary, and they like her. Or something partisan like that).

Or you could be right in thinking that negativity itself is the issue that your parents have with you. But even then it impossible to say what the real issue is from your post.

Many young folks are too uncritical about everything they read, or see on YouTube. One young man here on WP is notoriously hysterical about everything(north korea is gonna nuke us, Hillary gonna start WWIII, the End Times in Bible are gonna start this weekend, I cant sleep at night, blah blah)because he swallows EVERY thing he sees and reads. If you're being like him then your parents ought to slap some sense into you! Lol!

Or it could be the opposite, and they might be the ones with their heads in the sand about legit negative stuff that you are clear eyed about .

Or it could be other issues. Both optimism, and pessimism, can be over done. A family member who is just too negative in a constant way can annoy everyone else.

We are not there to observe. So we cant say what the dynamic is in your family.

Can you give an example of an actual conversation you had with mom and dad?



hurtloam
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05 Mar 2017, 3:50 am

Yeah, negativity makes people feel bad. People want to feel happy. If you're always negative you make them feel bad.

The thing is we are powerless when it comes to a lot of things like the economy. Yeah, it's bad, but we can't really do anything about it. Rather than focusing on that and feeling bad it's better to focus on positive things and feel good.



League_Girl
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05 Mar 2017, 4:16 am

I have been around negative people and they are very hard to be with because they come off as negativity is all they focus on and they can't find happiness. Nothing is ever good enough and they seem to find negativity in everything. Like if you both were to go bowling, they will find something to be negative about there. Plus they seem to love judging people over anything and act like everything people do in their lives is their problem and they seem to find petty things to complain about. Yeah bad stuff happens in the world but to focus all your energy on it and complaining about it isn't going to fix it.


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ASPartOfMe
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05 Mar 2017, 12:16 pm

There traditionally has been a large stigma against negativity and cynicism in America. This seems to be changing a lot recently but it seems to be accepted a lot more online not then in face to face interactions


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hurtloam
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05 Mar 2017, 3:53 pm

Being and feeling negative isn't much fun though. It doesn't feel nice. That's why there is a stigma. People want to feel nice.

I had a conversation with someone today where I mentioned a bad memory and she said, there must have been something good about it. She gave me an example of something she enjoyed, which jogged my memory and reminded me of something I enjoyed. I find that I like having this person around. She makes me feel good.



Dear_one
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05 Mar 2017, 4:02 pm

There were people within NASA who were warning about the upcoming Challenger disaster, but they were considered too unpleasant.



K_Kelly
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06 Mar 2017, 5:11 pm

I admit that it is very scary.

I don't want to die. It hurts and I'm crying over it. I hope it's all in my head.

I wish nuclear weapons were not invented. Their very existence should scare lot of people.



Dear_one
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06 Mar 2017, 5:57 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
I admit that it is very scary.

I don't want to die. It hurts and I'm crying over it. I hope it's all in my head.

I wish nuclear weapons were not invented. Their very existence should scare lot of people.


My aspie mother would have loved to stay in the Air Force, but she had decided that the A-bomb had made war obsolete. I have been to dozens of anti-nuke rallies, and while participation has only made me infinitesimally safer, it has made me feel a lot better to have done something, and met some like-minded people. Fitting in is extremely easy when shouting rude things is the order of the day. Carrying a sign with a clever comment, or just walking silently are also popular.
Sadly, while we have been, perhaps, barely holding the line on nuclear war, it has become just one of many crises, and the climate one is happening for sure.
While these are extreme times, life is never safe, and we feel most alive when we risk more. There's no chaos without opportunity for the nimble. Meditation can help you stay loose and help with worries about what comes after.



naturalplastic
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06 Mar 2017, 8:50 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
I admit that it is very scary.

I don't want to die. It hurts and I'm crying over it. I hope it's all in my head.

I wish nuclear weapons were not invented. Their very existence should scare lot of people.


Now we are getting somewhere.Getting an idea about what the issue is.

Sounds like its not really "negativity" that they have issue with you about. What they have an issue with you about is exaggerated fear- something bording on hysteria.

Baby Boomers like DearOne, and myself, were the first generation born and raised entirely in the Atomic Age. But we didnt spend every moment of our lives worried about nuclear war the next day. We might have gone to marches against nukes. But we still found a way to get on with life, and live our lives.

I am concerned about nukes. But I dont loose sleep over it. I would rather be alive now (or in any decade since they split the atom in 1945) than have been alive in 13th Century when one third of Europe died within weeks from the Bubonic Plague.

A potential apocalypse that never happens is better than an ,actual apocalypse that actually does happen. Actual apocalypses (millions dying from epidemics) happed all of the time in preindustrial times without humans being able to split the atom.

In fact in the early years of the Atomic Age itself millions of children in the US died from polio until they invented the Salk Vaccine.

you're more likely to be killed by a highschool classmate who drives drunk, or drives while texting, than to die from a nuke. So if you wanna worry about dying, worry about drunk driving instead.



CockneyRebel
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06 Mar 2017, 11:06 pm

People like things to stay positive and light. They don't like to be weighed down by negativity.


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