I cannot handle criticism

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I deal poorly when things that are very personal to me are questioned or criticised. I understand that most people would have a natural dislike for this but my reaction goes above and beyond.

I don't think I've ever had an Autistic meltdown but I think how I react could be considered a shut-down, though it often doesn't come with many external signs. I end up questioning everything about who I am as a person, what I should be doing differently, if I'm secretly an evil person for liking the things I do or for having the opinions I do.

I try my best to be nice to people and treat them as I'd like to be treated, as much as I can with my limited social skills but I still worry that I'm doing something wrong. There's just too much in the world and too many people and I can't keep up with their opinions and what they want!

Does anyone else have a lot of difficulty similar to mine?

I become very defensive.

There's a big difference between constructive criticism and criticising to be nasty. I brought both of my children up to be able to take and use constructive criticism and it has helped them improve their school and university work without losing their tempers. Of course, you can still disagree with criticism even if it is constructive and that tends to be where problems start, as both parties need to be able to think logically and be prepared to change their point of view.

My eldest is studying English at uni and he says that most of his fellow students cannot take any form of criticism of their work and seem to be unable to offer it either, which really annoys him. He wants to be able to improve but cannot if everyone just says "Oh, that's great!" to everything he and everybody else writes.

It is very hard for me to receive criticism on any level, for I already have so much energy invested in order to "pass". It is one of the thing I continuously work on, to reposed to criticism without reacting.

Yeah.. usually defensive or rationalise.. but moreso factually incorrect stuff winds me right up!!

I can be having a conversation with a friend, and I just can't let these things pass by...

If I DO let it ride, I might still be thinking about THAT comment a few minutes ago and want to correct it..

Everyone loves that ! !

I don't take criticism well, either. I feel like I can't do anything right when someone criticizes me on something I did. It especially bothers me when the music I like gets criticized. If you can't say anything positive about the music I listen to (which is mostly hard rock and heavy metal) then don't say anything at all. I remember one time when a radio station I liked was playing on the radio at where I worked and then all of a sudden, someone changed the station. I literally had a tantrum about it. So no, I can't handle criticism.

Yep. That's me. I have had to train myself to accept that I can be wrong and therefore can be corrected. Unreasonable criticism, however, will have me shutting down and then bearing a long-term grudge.

Thank you everyone for the replies.

One of the things some of you mentioned was the idea of accepting criticism when it can be backed up with evidence and rejecting baseless criticism. It can be difficult to deal with criticism that is based solely on opinion. I have a hard time blocking out a lot of people, even when I know that their criticism is based only on their opinions. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well.

I have a hard time determining what input and criticism I should take on board and what I should ignore. I end up listening to it all and it gets messy in my head

I think 'not handling critiscm' is an instance ofa person telling a story to himself/herself about what the criticism means.

For instance, I might apply for a job, but not get it.

What is the meaning of that?

Does it mean I am worthless? Or does it mean I did not get the job?

The second is true, but the first is an irrational evaluation.

It may be really unpleasant, uncomfortable, or inconvenient to make mistakes, but the experience is not unbearable.

One way to change 'not handling critiscm' is learning to identify non-rational stories a person tells himself.

Here are 10 common non-rational ideas:

1. The idea that you must have love or approval from all the significant people in your life
2. The idea that you absolutely must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving or the idea that you must be competent or talented in some important area.
3. The idea that other people absolutely must not act obnoxiously and unfairly, and that when they do, you should blame and damn them, and see them as bad, wicked, or rotten individuals.
4. The idea that you have to see things as being awful, terrible, and catastrophic when you are seriously frustrated or treated unfairly.
5. The idea that you must be miserable when you have pressures and difficult experiences; and that you have little ability to control, and cannot change, your disturbed feelings.
6. The idea that if something is deemed dangerous or fearsome, you must obsess about it and frantically try to escape from it before it happens.
7. The idea that you can easily avoid facing challenges and responsibilities and still lead a highly fulfilling existence.
8. The idea that your past remains all-important and because something once strongly influenced your life, it has to keep determining your feelings and behavior today.
9. The idea that people and things absolutely must be better than they are and that it is awful and horrible if you cannot change life’s grim facts to suit you.
10. The idea that you can achieve maximum happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively enjoying yourself.

I have terrible self esteem. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror.

I can get very defensive too, and sometimes extremely defensive when it starts affecting the outlook of my actions. I get very defensive towards people who have stronger valued opinions than me that seem completely out of my field. I get frustrated when I can't share an opinion without having the blank look or a change in conversation, or maybe when I accidentally put myself in an embarrassing position during the conversation. What's worse is when someone gets the wrong idea, and that's the worse of all criticism.

As someone who is the annoying critic, if I told you to work in a different way that would benefit my job since I have to handle superior criticism, what would be the best way to help you work differently from what you are already doing?