Can I tell a therapist NOT to tell me certain things

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

MagicMeerkat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,964
Location: Mel's Hole

10 Mar 2017, 11:01 pm

My mom wants me to see a therapist. I'm not against the idea and since I'm an adult now I can leave if they say something that offends me or I don't fell comfortable with them. But I do have some things that greatly upset me if people suggest them...i.e. suggesting I throw in the towel of being a DVM and focus on being a veterinary technician instead. Being an actual DVM (specifically a zoo or exotics vet) is my main special interest/obsession and ever since I first started to realize I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up (around second or third grade), it was quickly shot down by my mother who told me I could never pass the college requirements for math (turns out I have dyscalculia) and that I should focus on being a veterinary technician instead. Yes, she would tell me that as young as third grade. For years she had me convinced I wouldn't be able to, until I saw this show which featured a lady who was rejected four times for vet school but eventually got in (she even said she had a school counselor tell her she "wasn't smart enough to be a vet") but eventually she made it and focused on special needs animals) and then it started dawning on me that the people who were telling me these things had never tried to be vets themselves so they had no right to tell me I couldn't at least try.

Anyhow, can I tell a therapist NOT to suggest I be a veterinary technician instead of an actual DVM? I'm not against explaining it once, but can I tell them NOT to bring it up again? Also can I tell them that if they start making comparisons to me and Temple Grandin, they are fired?


_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.


burnt_orange
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2017
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 286
Location: Ohio USA

11 Mar 2017, 12:10 am

I think you should present these stipulations in a certain way. Tell them you are very sensitive about this certain subject and that it is very upsetting to you to talk about it in a certain way. Be firm and tell them you will not discuss this. Otherwise they might want to explore the topic with you or why your mother says this.



PaulHubert
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 77
Location: Charlotte

11 Mar 2017, 1:30 am

The key is your an adult, your mom doesn't have the final say on what you do for a living and neither does your therapist. Think of them as your employees dropping suggestions into your suggestion box: nobody is ordering you to do anything: take the suggestions as you like and make a decision. It's one thing if your therapist is taking sides with your mom (as opposed to just sharing the same opinion), that would definitely warrant hiring a different therapist...but that might not be the case here. There is some reason this suggestion gets you so worked up and it sounds like your defensive because your being pressured to stop pursuing your dreams. I suggest addressing the issue full on and getting to 'why do you think me pursuing this VET thing is a bad idea'. If your 28 years old and have a liberal arts degree, that would suggest going for a complete veternarian education may not be practical and you will probably just put yourself through debt that you'll pay till your 35 (let alone working throug school). The you could say, I'm willing to take on the debt and the long nights of studying while I'm working, it's that important to me: that's where you make a stand. But at least be willing to argue about this, the title looks like what you're asking for is a 'safe space', which your therapist can respect, but how far is that going to take you if happened to really go down a wrong path and you were too defensive to take anyone's advise?



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

11 Mar 2017, 1:46 am

MagicMeerkat wrote:
My mom wants me to see a therapist. I'm not against the idea and since I'm an adult now I can leave if they say something that offends me or I don't fell comfortable with them. But I do have some things that greatly upset me if people suggest them...i.e. suggesting I throw in the towel of being a DVM and focus on being a veterinary technician instead. Being an actual DVM (specifically a zoo or exotics vet) is my main special interest/obsession and ever since I first started to realize I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up (around second or third grade), it was quickly shot down by my mother who told me I could never pass the college requirements for math (turns out I have dyscalculia) and that I should focus on being a veterinary technician instead. Yes, she would tell me that as young as third grade. For years she had me convinced I wouldn't be able to, until I saw this show which featured a lady who was rejected four times for vet school but eventually got in (she even said she had a school counselor tell her she "wasn't smart enough to be a vet") but eventually she made it and focused on special needs animals) and then it started dawning on me that the people who were telling me these things had never tried to be vets themselves so they had no right to tell me I couldn't at least try.

Anyhow, can I tell a therapist NOT to suggest I be a veterinary technician instead of an actual DVM? I'm not against explaining it once, but can I tell them NOT to bring it up again? Also can I tell them that if they start making comparisons to me and Temple Grandin, they are fired?


Yes, however I don't think it would be necessary unless you were to make it seem to them that your are upset because you want to be a DVM and perceive that the goal is impossible. If you were to say that you would like to work towards becoming a DVM, I don't see why they would try to disuade you from that.

I've never had anyone compare me to Temple Grandin.

Concerning the dyscalculia, I have a form of dyscalculia which causes me to be very slow at mental arithmetic...I understand it and can do it, but very slowly and I often count on my fingers. I only have this problem with arithmetic. I excel at all other fields of math, and my dyscalculia was considered a learning disability, so I was permitted a basic calculator on my exams, and studied a math intensive field. Arithmetic becomes scarce in mathematics the higher up you go. Many of my exams had no numbers and the calculator just sat next to me on the desk the entire time. If the requirements for veterinary medicine is anything like human medicine, then I don't think you need math beyond calculus...maybe even calculus II. It might sound intimidating but you might surprise yourself. You never know how well you will do in a subject unless you actually try it.



MagicMeerkat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,964
Location: Mel's Hole

11 Mar 2017, 12:21 pm

Chronos wrote:

I've never had anyone compare me to Temple Grandin.


I've NEVER had a therapist that didn't compare me to Temple Grandin. Just because we're both women, autistic and work or want to work with animals, that doesn't make us the same person. Temple Grandin is more of an animal "welfare" person and I'm an animal "rights" person. Animal rights means that animals are not ours to use for food, clothing, entertainment, or experimentation. Animal welfare allows these uses as long as “humane” guidelines are followed.


_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.


ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

11 Mar 2017, 12:33 pm

The therapist is probably just thinking from speculative practical standpoint, and so is basing his/her opinion based on the situation you are given. Some therapists are on guard, and that's probably because they deal with many personalities that match a profile that you got to admit thank god he/she is on medication, but anyway, you have to be slow in emotion. That's what I learned from my autism is to be slow in emotional reacting, and thank God I am learning it. Neurotypicals are not like the evil characters from the film "Rosemary's Baby". That's the mistake I used to make in life, I used to think that I was being singled out, and that everyone else was sort of ostracizing me, but in reality they had life in their mind and probably did not want to deal with some big guy ranting and raving.



AJisHere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2015
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,135
Location: Washington state

11 Mar 2017, 5:23 pm

I have told therapists before that I will stop seeing them if they cross certain boundaries. I've known people who've straight-up fired therapists for doing so.


_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.


DancingCorpse
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,532

14 Mar 2017, 2:09 am

I always appreciated the blunt and precise nature of my previous long term therapist, we spent many sessions preparing to move into deeper waters on various topics but I usually initiated the 'linkages' so to speak. She was a firm and challenging guide but compassionate and sharp, brightly alert to my reactions. She always interrogated me as to whether she was being too hard on me or pushing too far, if you tell them you would like it to be at a pace where you can handle it and explore topics with much preparation, they should see the signs that indicate when it is correct to dig deeper. It is important to establish a healthy rapport with the human being before good therapy can run from roots.