Making Apologies

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So, when do you think an apology for behavior that may have been caused by your neurotype is warranted? I went on a few dates earlier this year with a guy that I really liked and I think liked me (at first) but I felt suspicious of him and was rather standoffish. When it was just us things were okay, but around his friends I acted very distant. While I understand I need to take responsibility, I really did not want to cause this guy any harm or be mean. In retrospect I wish I had been self-possessed enough to be calm and generous rather than nervous and self-protective.

Is it worth trying to craft an apology for this person, if I take a long time and make sure that I'm really taking responsibility for what I did? Would it seem to him like I was trying to manipulate him? This is someone I really feel affection for and may have to see in the future, regardless of his opinion of me. I feel genuinely guilty and think that perhaps if he knows I understand I was at fault he might feel less upset (if he is). On the other hand, I would go right ahead and send my apology but I'm worried that I will just seem like I'm trying to 'get back with him' or pressure him into something. (I'm also worried that he may have already coupled up with someone else and I will just seem like a desperate weirdo.)

What do you guys think? Is this something that warrants an apology, if it might potentially help both parties? Is it selfish to still want to do this six months after we first went out? Even if I did apologize and there were no hard feelings, would he think I'm an idiot for still caring?

Thanks for any thoughts you have on this. Also, I don't mean to hog the thread. Please consider sharing personal stories / any related thoughts on making apologies for behavior!!

I wouldn't "apologize," per se.

I would explain myself, though.

And ask him if he wants to "start over" with you.

Thanks for the response, kraftekortie! Could I ask you to elaborate? What should go into 'explaining myself?'

I would say something to the effect that you liked him so much that you didn't want to lose him, and you didn't want to be rejected by him.

That's why you were so defensive with him.

Okay, thanks. I feel very nervous about it... but on the other hand I have been obsessing about this for the past 5 months. XD I guess I'll just have to get it done somehow. Thanks for the advice!

I don't like getting apologies and then having the other person repeat the behavior for which they apologized. So, turning it around, I would prefer to limit my apologies to things I don't intend to repeat.

However, I also dislike using my autism as an excuse for antisocial behavior. I have to find the balance between expressing regret for the effect my autism-related actions or omissions had, while pointing out the nature of my confusion and suggesting ways to avoid the problem in the future, without blaming my mistake on my disability.