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teksla
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09 Sep 2015, 3:54 pm

I have heard it countless times, that "everyone has to walk on eggshells near you" because you are so (insert hurtful word). How do i change myself so people do not have to do this? It makes me sad that people think they have to act differently near me and then verbally accuse me of "deciding to be that way".
Suggestions are appreciated, and also how can i remember to execute the suggestions?
Example: Say things more nicely and remember to do so by putting a reminder on your phone/writing it down etc.


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League_Girl
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09 Sep 2015, 4:12 pm

It's hard to give you advice if we don't know what you are doing to make everyone feel they have to walk on eggshells. Do you get upset too easily? Do you see insults in things people say that are not really there? Do you get upset all of a sudden such as being fine and then the next thing they know you are yelling and screaming at someone? Do you often think people are mean to you when they are not? Do you get offended very easily? My advice would be stop assuming people are being mean to you, stop assuming people are doing insults, stop getting upset so easily and keep it to yourself, etc.

When I feel I have to walk on eggshells, I just avoid that person and don't communicate with them and if I have to, I try and keep it short, only speak when spoken too, do not have any conversations with them. Those type of people are normally unpredictable and seem to get upset out of the blue and they are just wishy washy. So if it was just me and you, I don't think you would be having a problem with me. :wink:


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Jensen
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09 Sep 2015, 4:35 pm

Well, I don´t know HOW you behave. You´re 15 - a difficult age in itself, and that could make you a bit more touchy/irritable and your moods a bit more shifty.
Concrete and literal understanding is normal for aspies and it adds to it.
Sometimes we misinterpret other people, so maybe you could work on it by asking "What do you mean?", when you feel annoyed over a remark. It could be helpful to you.


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teksla
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10 Sep 2015, 2:02 am

Jensen wrote:
Well, I don´t know HOW you behave. You´re 15 - a difficult age in itself, and that could make you a bit more touchy/irritable and your moods a bit more shifty.
Concrete and literal understanding is normal for aspies and it adds to it.
Sometimes we misinterpret other people, so maybe you could work on it by asking "What do you mean?", when you feel annoyed over a remark. It could be helpful to you.

My father told me this. I think it has to do with how I speak to people, I tend to be very precise and quick in how I speak to people.


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Crazyfool
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10 Sep 2015, 2:56 am

I've heard that one before a lot myself, mainly from family members and mainly due to bipolar disorder and the mood swings and agitation associated with it. My family can be reluctant to say things to me because they're afraid I'll overreact or somehow I have a magical skill to take everything everyone says as condescending even though they mean well.

It's kind of difficult to give you advice when I don't know what it is about you that makes people feel that way. Are you moody? For me I put an effort into putting a humor spin on everything that would be socially acceptable, obviously don't make a joke about someone's relative dying or anything, but if you can learn to smile and laugh a lot and convince people that you wont take anything to heart, people tend to loosen up around you, despite being awkward or different.



teksla
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10 Sep 2015, 5:52 am

Crazyfool wrote:
I've heard that one before a lot myself, mainly from family members and mainly due to bipolar disorder and the mood swings and agitation associated with it. My family can be reluctant to say things to me because they're afraid I'll overreact or somehow I have a magical skill to take everything everyone says as condescending even though they mean well.

It's kind of difficult to give you advice when I don't know what it is about you that makes people feel that way. Are you moody? For me I put an effort into putting a humor spin on everything that would be socially acceptable, obviously don't make a joke about someone's relative dying or anything, but if you can learn to smile and laugh a lot and convince people that you wont take anything to heart, people tend to loosen up around you, despite being awkward or different.

I am not moody. If i get mad i get really mad. But it is not often. I think it has to do with how i am usually (unintentionally) self-centered. Sometimes, like with friends i can get mad over "small" things.


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League_Girl
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10 Sep 2015, 9:50 am

teksla wrote:
Jensen wrote:
Well, I don´t know HOW you behave. You´re 15 - a difficult age in itself, and that could make you a bit more touchy/irritable and your moods a bit more shifty.
Concrete and literal understanding is normal for aspies and it adds to it.
Sometimes we misinterpret other people, so maybe you could work on it by asking "What do you mean?", when you feel annoyed over a remark. It could be helpful to you.

My father told me this. I think it has to do with how I speak to people, I tend to be very precise and quick in how I speak to people.


If he is the only one that has said it, I wouldn't worry too much about it. How does he know others have to walk on eggshells? Maybe that is how he feels. If you get that same feedback from another person, then I would worry.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Sep 2015, 9:52 am

Always seek to find the "good" in people, rather than merely the "bad."



Abe1
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10 Sep 2015, 11:18 am

teksla wrote:
I have heard it countless times, that "everyone has to walk on eggshells near you" because you are so (insert hurtful word). How do i change myself so people do not have to do this? It makes me sad that people think they have to act differently near me and then verbally accuse me of "deciding to be that way".
Suggestions are appreciated, and also how can i remember to execute the suggestions?
Example: Say things more nicely and remember to do so by putting a reminder on your phone/writing it down etc.


I know that feeling, only too well and I am much older than you and meant to be more mature. 8O

In one way it is difficult to write this as I don't know you or any the things you do.

However, what I would try to do is to minimise the impact of any outbursts you may have. The eggshell thing is partly because perhaps you are inconsistent and people don't know what they can do and what than cannot do and react differently at different times (I know I do).

So if you are having a bad day, lets your friends know in advance and to give you a bit of space.
If something is annoying/bothering you try an escape strategy and leave the situation rather than "make a scene" and argue with people.

If someone makes you angry, again leave the situation to calm down, rather than react, and if you have meltdowns, having them in private, even if you escape to the loo!! ! is better than in public where it might scare people, or get you into trouble.

Apologies if those suggestions sound simplistic, and I don't know how many of your friends, teachers know about the diagnosis. I would imagine that broadcasting something like this in school is not the best idea!!

Hope this helps, and I could do with following that advice myself!! !



teksla
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10 Sep 2015, 12:02 pm

Abe1 wrote:
teksla wrote:
I have heard it countless times, that "everyone has to walk on eggshells near you" because you are so (insert hurtful word). How do i change myself so people do not have to do this? It makes me sad that people think they have to act differently near me and then verbally accuse me of "deciding to be that way".
Suggestions are appreciated, and also how can i remember to execute the suggestions?
Example: Say things more nicely and remember to do so by putting a reminder on your phone/writing it down etc.


I know that feeling, only too well and I am much older than you and meant to be more mature. 8O

In one way it is difficult to write this as I don't know you or any the things you do.

However, what I would try to do is to minimise the impact of any outbursts you may have. The eggshell thing is partly because perhaps you are inconsistent and people don't know what they can do and what than cannot do and react differently at different times (I know I do).

So if you are having a bad day, lets your friends know in advance and to give you a bit of space.
If something is annoying/bothering you try an escape strategy and leave the situation rather than "make a scene" and argue with people.

If someone makes you angry, again leave the situation to calm down, rather than react, and if you have meltdowns, having them in private, even if you escape to the loo!! ! is better than in public where it might scare people, or get you into trouble.

Apologies if those suggestions sound simplistic, and I don't know how many of your friends, teachers know about the diagnosis. I would imagine that broadcasting something like this in school is not the best idea!!

Hope this helps, and I could do with following that advice myself!! !

Okay. I do not feel like i over-react to things (but if my friends ignore me i have a hard time forgiving them).
I'll try those out, any advice how to remember them?


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Diagnosed with
F84.8 (PDD-NOS) 2014
F33.1 Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent, moderate.


Abe1
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10 Sep 2015, 3:20 pm

teksla wrote:
Abe1 wrote:
teksla wrote:
I have heard it countless times, that "everyone has to walk on eggshells near you" because you are so (insert hurtful word). How do i change myself so people do not have to do this? It makes me sad that people think they have to act differently near me and then verbally accuse me of "deciding to be that way".
Suggestions are appreciated, and also how can i remember to execute the suggestions?
Example: Say things more nicely and remember to do so by putting a reminder on your phone/writing it down etc.


I know that feeling, only too well and I am much older than you and meant to be more mature. 8O

In one way it is difficult to write this as I don't know you or any the things you do.

However, what I would try to do is to minimise the impact of any outbursts you may have. The eggshell thing is partly because perhaps you are inconsistent and people don't know what they can do and what than cannot do and react differently at different times (I know I do).

So if you are having a bad day, lets your friends know in advance and to give you a bit of space.
If something is annoying/bothering you try an escape strategy and leave the situation rather than "make a scene" and argue with people.

If someone makes you angry, again leave the situation to calm down, rather than react, and if you have meltdowns, having them in private, even if you escape to the loo!! ! is better than in public where it might scare people, or get you into trouble.

Apologies if those suggestions sound simplistic, and I don't know how many of your friends, teachers know about the diagnosis. I would imagine that broadcasting something like this in school is not the best idea!!

Hope this helps, and I could do with following that advice myself!! !

Okay. I do not feel like i over-react to things (but if my friends ignore me i have a hard time forgiving them).
I'll try those out, any advice how to remember them?


Apologies if I have described something which you do not have any issues with, it wasn't my intention. :oops:



teksla
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11 Sep 2015, 12:50 am

Abe1 wrote:
teksla wrote:
Abe1 wrote:
teksla wrote:
I have heard it countless times, that "everyone has to walk on eggshells near you" because you are so (insert hurtful word). How do i change myself so people do not have to do this? It makes me sad that people think they have to act differently near me and then verbally accuse me of "deciding to be that way".
Suggestions are appreciated, and also how can i remember to execute the suggestions?
Example: Say things more nicely and remember to do so by putting a reminder on your phone/writing it down etc.


I know that feeling, only too well and I am much older than you and meant to be more mature. 8O

In one way it is difficult to write this as I don't know you or any the things you do.

However, what I would try to do is to minimise the impact of any outbursts you may have. The eggshell thing is partly because perhaps you are inconsistent and people don't know what they can do and what than cannot do and react differently at different times (I know I do).

So if you are having a bad day, lets your friends know in advance and to give you a bit of space.
If something is annoying/bothering you try an escape strategy and leave the situation rather than "make a scene" and argue with people.

If someone makes you angry, again leave the situation to calm down, rather than react, and if you have meltdowns, having them in private, even if you escape to the loo!! ! is better than in public where it might scare people, or get you into trouble.

Apologies if those suggestions sound simplistic, and I don't know how many of your friends, teachers know about the diagnosis. I would imagine that broadcasting something like this in school is not the best idea!!

Hope this helps, and I could do with following that advice myself!! !

Okay. I do not feel like i over-react to things (but if my friends ignore me i have a hard time forgiving them).
I'll try those out, any advice how to remember them?


Apologies if I have described something which you do not have any issues with, it wasn't my intention. :oops:

If I sounded angry it was not my intention, I will try out the things you suggested


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MagicMeerkat
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26 Mar 2017, 1:01 pm

I got this all the time too, they were calling the kettle black because I felt like I was walking on eggshells around THEM.


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burnt_orange
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26 Mar 2017, 3:19 pm

This is so me. Everyone says it, but I can't change it, or like you said, can't remember to fix it long term, or even after 2 days.