NTs: obligations and emotional manipulation

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One of the major things which I struggle are the NTs propensity to do things for you with the intention to create an obligation.

If I do something for someone, I try to do it because it is something I want to do not to expect something in return.

I am dealing with a friend who did something to benefit herself, that also benefited me, and now she is trying to lay obligations on me and emotionally manipulate me.

This what my mother did to me growing up and it made me very aware and very resistant to it.


I feels very manipulative and makes me want to distance myself from the person. If I need something, I ask for it and then let them make the decision if they want to do.

I think the reason many NTs don't like this is because they have to assume responsibility for their actions.

I guess this is why I am not very good at flirting/dating.

I never thought of this before. People actually do this? Might explain some situations I have had. I also expect nothing in return when I help people or do things for people. Isn't that how it is supposed to be? The idea that people actually do things to create obligation seems quite manipulative to me indeed.

I've known pretty manipulative Aspergian/autistic-type people, too.

There's just a segment of the human population who feels manipulating others is the way to go.

I haven't really been around many NDs and I know not all NTs do it or at least do it to the extreme that I am dealing with right now.

I do think this is so common among NTs that they don't even notice it.

I am not good with expectations, I have heard that from more than one girlfriend. I dont do things because they expect it. I have to be asked.

I often find myself in the position where a girlfriend is mad at me because I did not do something, but they never asked me to do it, they just expected me to know and do it. This has always been very frustrating, like getting mad at someone who is colorblind for not being able to bring you a green cup.

I agree. The girl who "expects me to do something" without conveying that "something" can be quite annoying!

I am faceblind, so I miss most of the non-verbal communication that comes from facial expression. I often wonder if that is one of the reasons I struggle so much understanding humans.

It feels like I am colorblind, but to emotion.

I used to be very bad at this, too.

Through hard experience, I've gotten to the point where I'm "not atrocious" at this.

I still make my mistakes.

This is why I don't make friends. I let them come, by choice. And why I don't bother 'maintaining' relationships.

And why I see social life more of a chore or a job than something enjoyable...
Sometimes I could say the same with culture and conformity: it's more of an appropriation and an obligation than something I'm actually part of.



As for NTs themselves, they don't realize it. They thought that they're doing the right thing.
At the same time, it's their human side that dictates it -- the need (social, emotional, sometimes mental). They 'know' one has needs, and so are they have it too. Maybe that's why they assume responsibility. And why some opportunist would take advantage of that need.

And one of the reasons why I hate needs...

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My oldest aunt does this. She will do something nice and then tell you you have to do something in return. I have never known anyone else in my life who does. But she gets upset when you don't do anything in return for her. My aunt does nice things because she wants something in return than because she wants to do it.