Feel a need for constructive criticism

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At the moment in school and elsewhere, I feel I am struggling allot to make friends currently despite being somewhat talkative. I feel the key to helping me here is constructive criticism. I tend to get passionate on certain interests, discuss things, not always I feel interpret cues to end conversations allot etc and if possible I would like to get some advice. Some of you here know me better than others in real life.

I know I don't have all the answers and some of you have had to find them. What was it like?

It would be better if you discussed particular situations.

Don't go into an existing conversation without having something to say about the conversation. Wait until nobody else is speaking. If you have to interrupt for something important, say "Excuse me" or "Pardon me."

Though I don't often use this advice myself , I have learned that asking questions of others draws them into talking with you. Using open-ended questions allows them to grab whatever part of the discussion they choose to discuss.

This 100%. Part of my job is to advise people on how to manage initial entry into employment after long lay-offs due to mental health problems. The sage advice is always to ask about other people and not to be drawn too strongly on your own opinions too soon. People love talking about themselves.

You describe yourself as "talkative" - an interesting term

Best of luck kidder

GT

I don't often talk about myself, sometimes I try to avoid it even. Typically what I do is ask allot of questions and allow myself to get drawn into discussions where I have a heavy interest and it is fairly open, I do this most commonly in history in sociology.

I used to do it allot more especially last year, but have since decided against it, people just want to express themselves and feel knowledgeable and their is no problem with it. Isn't that what we all look for.

Nowadays I typically listen and ask questions about stuff the other person appears to be interested in. But their are many other situations where I feel their is quite a distance and I can't relate to others.

I try to do this, but my success rate isn't up to par. My life is such right now that, if I find someone to talk to, I REALLY talk to them. It doesn't help. So, this topic is a good reason to remember my "tips to self."

Same here to be honest. You have said it well. I find that I do this quite frequently, including here on Wrong Planet I believe.

I would like to find a way out of it though.

I think it's rare for somebody to actively seek out constructive criticism, because it's essentially putting your hard work at the mercy of someone else's scrutiny. It can be difficult for some folk to accept their imperfections - people take it out of context and consider it a personal attack. I've been guilty of that scenario a few times myself, but as with most things I believe the topic is a valuable skill to get familiar with, especially when it's work-related.

Yeah, when I was feeling really low in the past, it was hard to accept it.

I guess since I feel am doing something wrong I desire it a bit more. I feel sometimes it is just the only way to get what you want out of life. For an autistic guy I know in school that certainly is the case, if not for constructive criticism he wouldn't have gone far or made the friends he did.

From my point of view, it can be hard to forgive yourself for being stupid.

Society has a role in this. I wish others didn't condemn ignorance so much but help people grow.

Some people are just not a good fit to talk to each other. They just don't click. Also, if the conversation fails, it might not be your fault but the other person may have difficulties of their own.

I met a dude on the train once and was super interested in what he did(busker) and asked him about how he handles people on the street. He seemed on the ball right up until I had to get off at my station, I stood up and started moving towards the door, provided non-verbal and some verbal cues that I had to go, even through it just kept talking over me. I basially left earshot with this guy talking like nothing was happening and was convinced that he was 100% crazy lol
yeah knowing when to end a conversation, empathy for the other persons subjective experience of your chit chat, is a big one.

In general, I recommend the book, how to win friends and influence people. I think it covers a few of the answers here. You mention that you are passionate about some topics. Maybe the person you are talking to has a particular position on something and you disagree. You can explain to them how right you are and provide logical reasons why they think the way they do, but you are winning the battle and losing the war.

You raise an interesting point above. If left unchecked I can go on a tangent sometimes around close friends, typically not acquaintances.

Arguments are a hard thing because I have to decipher whether the person is genuinely interested in discussing or just trying to express themselves. Often I don't argue as much as I used because I find I don't enjoy it. I often can't discuss things political or historical at their level, I often feel as though I am pelting them with facts, I feel distant from those people afterwards. Sometimes I think it would just be better if tried to listen, ask them a few questions and let others have the satisfaction of being right. Of course that it is not all people but it is a few.

My friend raised an interesting point recently I am often the one that asks questions and don't talk too much myself.

Anyways I think their may be something big I am just not aware of at this point. I continue to struggle to get to know others. I can see that in peoples eyes. They smile awkwardly when I enter a room, some just don't know what to think of me.

You know I think I may have come across one of the reasons. It might just be that I am my own worst enemy.