Does anyone else here have this communication problem?

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KJC
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05 Sep 2009, 12:54 am

I'm not sure if this is an Aspie type of thing or not, but when in a conversation, while I can understand everything verbal and most nonverbal, I often need time to create a more understandable oral response. I easily figure out what I will be trying to get across with the dialogue, but its like when a word is on the tip of your tongue. Its part of why I chose illustration for a my major in college, and am planning to earn a certification in graphic design.



BornToDie
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05 Sep 2009, 1:00 am

yeah, i seldom say what i should or want to say and then go around for a while afterwards thinking about what i should have said rather than what i did say. sometimes it has even been during important work related meetings. i've given up trying to make it work cause it just never happens.



Tahitiii
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05 Sep 2009, 1:04 am

That's pretty much why we do so much better here.
The internet is our natural habitat.
In a new or novel situation, I might know what I think,
but translating it is a whole nother story.



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05 Sep 2009, 1:18 am

Yes that is an AS trait as far as I can tell.

I'm a good writer, but absolutely atrocious at verbal communication.



DarrylZero
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05 Sep 2009, 2:17 am

I definitely have this problem. I mentally rehearse conversations and that has helped, but periodically something will come up and I have to deliberate about my response. What usually ends up happening is the other person will then immediately jump to a conclusion (usually the wrong one), leaving me frustrated about how to respond to that. Example: I was in an English class and we had broken up into small groups. Each person took turns sharing a poem they had written. The teacher asked me what I thought of my groupmate's poem, so I tried to organize my thoughts and give an accurate response. Apparently I took too long because both the student and the teacher accused me of getting ready to hand down some harsh criticism. I think they may have said it jokingly, but I wasn't sure, so I responded by remaining quiet and looking down at my paper on my desk.

I can give presentations if I'm familiar with the information and have some structure to it, but it throws me off if someone asks a question when I wasn't ready for it. Fortunately, when those situations happened, I was able to respond appropriately because of my familiarity with the subject.

However, I much prefer written communication because it allows me to organize my thoughts better.



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05 Sep 2009, 6:48 am

I am the same way. People will comment on my long pauses but I'm just searching for the right way to say something. Sometimes the word you choose is very important. Some words have the same basic meaning but vastly different connotations. For instance it sounds better to describe a client as particular rather than picky.



blastoff
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05 Sep 2009, 8:00 am

Yes, I have this problem. I am basically ok during most one-on-one conversations, but if I'm in a group of three or more, things get complicated. I find that I need time to formulate a coherent response, and generally there simply isn't that much time.

I also have some trouble with the "morning introduction" conversation at work. I've taken to initiating it ("How was your weekend?" or "Good morning!") rather than having to respond to it, because MY response to someone else's initial comment is generally wrong. Someone will say "Good morning!" and I will say "Fine, thanks. How was yours?" Or: They'll say "How was your weekend?" and I'll respond with a very cheery "Good morning!" I think if I took an extra second before blurting my response I wouldn't do this, but I guess I feel some sort of pressure to respond instantly.



sewermouse
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05 Sep 2009, 11:07 am

Yeah, i get this.



Willard
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05 Sep 2009, 11:25 am

Precisely why I always end up the victim of bullying in any disagreement. By the time I'm ready to answer the first ugly remark, the other person is already on to the fifth or sixth one. It feels like being trapped in the corner of the ring and repeatedly bashed in the head, before one can even get one's hands up in defense. :(



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05 Sep 2009, 12:19 pm

Willard wrote:
Precisely why I always end up the victim of bullying in any disagreement. By the time I'm ready to answer the first ugly remark, the other person is already on to the fifth or sixth one. It feels like being trapped in the corner of the ring and repeatedly bashed in the head, before one can even get one's hands up in defense. :(
The boss could control that toxic culture if he wanted to. Many will still do that. Many chose not to. It's easier to fire the victim than to persuade people to be civilized.



duke666
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05 Sep 2009, 12:24 pm

I read that it's just like speaking a foreign language (Attwood, I think), in both the time-lag and the difference in the brain area that's working.

I find that it goes away when the discussion is about my areas of expertise or special interests, which I guess is my 'native language', while human social interaction is a 'second language'.


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1234
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05 Sep 2009, 12:25 pm

I don't always understand people as a lot of the words get blocked out (especially in noisier places or when the conversation is long/abstract) but usually when I try to talk, my words come out really weird. Like my brain decided to chop up the sentences coming out of my mouth and put them in a random order.
Though when I rehearse what I want to say, things'll come out right.

So these days when I have to say something important without having time to rehearse, I'll say something like:
'I'm not sure how to formulate this properly but [insert what I want to say].



Tahitiii
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05 Sep 2009, 12:47 pm

1234 wrote:
So these days when I have to say something important without having time to rehearse, I'll say something like:
'I'm not sure how to formulate this properly but [insert what I want to say].
If you're in a group of people who have good intentions, that always works.
When they've already made up their minds that they're out to get you, nothing works.



1234
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05 Sep 2009, 1:05 pm

True:\
Which is why I mostly use it when talking to professors at uni/people I'll only meet once in my liftime.

I'm guessing my peers/non friends would look at me in a really weird way if I talked to them like that.



mechanicalgirl39
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05 Sep 2009, 1:24 pm

Willard wrote:
Precisely why I always end up the victim of bullying in any disagreement. By the time I'm ready to answer the first ugly remark, the other person is already on to the fifth or sixth one. It feels like being trapped in the corner of the ring and repeatedly bashed in the head, before one can even get one's hands up in defense. :(


Yeah. It takes me a while to structure what I want to say, and often, by the time I've done that, the argument is over and the person is feeling happy because they've vented, while I am seething internally.


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Ruchard
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05 Sep 2009, 4:04 pm

I can't think quickly so my response will be slow half the time and people will think that i am slow or stupid i was bullied at school because of this.