I NEED to vent! GRRRR#%&*

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I have met this guy online. We have been talking for a while now. Told him right away about AS explained things, gave him links to read about it... but ... he constantly seems to insult me!

Today he sends me a picture on MSN while we are talking on Yahoo, because he has MSN and I have both.

I didn't accept the picture file right away because I was also searching for a pic to send him. So he 'nudges' me...

I ask on Yahoo 'what?'
He says: For someone with an IQ of 136 you are pretty slow huh?

I get pissed and ask why did he say that? He tells me 'you are not seriously pissed are you?'
I ask what does my IQ have to do with accepting the picture, maybe I was busy, maybe my computer froze, or whatever...

He tells me to relax and cool down.
I tell him that for someone who claims to be a sensitive person, he seems to be very insensitive with the feelings of others, and then I blocked him before he could count to 3 on both MSN and Yahoo!

But I am still so pissed, I had to come and vent here!! !! !! !! !

Star

Last edited by Star on 19 May 2007, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it was just a bad joke ...

He sounds annoying...

It was not the first time he made such a 'bad' joke...

Star

Yeah, what a dick.

I don't think this guy was meaning to be an a**hole.

I think he just doesn't understand the literal interpretation a person with Asperger's takes.

I think he was being teasing you in a loving way.

I know my 8 year old with Asperger's told me all the kids at school hated him and were bullying him. When I investigated further he told me one kid had called him fat and the others had laughed.

My 8 year old is actually incredibly skinny. He just didn't get the sarcasm.

It can take an NT a long time to adapt to literal language.

So what should I do?

Star

Either tell him that you don't take teasing well, or just keep him blocked.

I think if you still want to keep in contact with him then you should try explaining your AS to him again. And if he still carries on like that then it's more than just a misunderstanding, it's him being a tosser.

You said you have been talking for awhile, and that this isn't the first time he has made a "bad joke".

It could be that he really is a dick, or it could be that's he likes you, but can't find an appropriate way to express that.

I suggest you explain how you feel about the situation. If he continues to act childish, then ignore him.

What to do.

Explain to him again about literal interpretation of language. Maybe give him a few examples (including that of my son).

Do you really like him? Is it worth your energy pursuing this? Only you can decide.

But it would be sad if a potentially great relationship ended over a misunderstanding.

Again, NT's take a long time to adapt if they haven't had experience with Asperger's before.

I have a 3 Aspie members in my household and I still forget about literal language and say stupid things. I spend a lot of time apologising!

I am still pissed even thought I know you are probably right and I didn't get the joke...

Star

my boyfriend does this to me a lot-he gets to talking with his friends and such then comes over and forgets, and talks to me just like he would talk to them, or likes to poke fun that I don't get things, lol. While I might roll my eyes about it right after he says it I have to take some time to think and figure he doesn't mean anything by it (with a little encouragement towards that direction and some apologies from him).

Maybe he is pissed with me now and doesn't want to talk to me any more. That is why I hate trying to make friends it is so much work an so much frustration... but I like this guy so I keep on trying... and then he says another thing that pisses me and I keep on thinking should I go back and try again?

I don't know if it's all because of me or if he just likes to tease me too much and doesn't understand that I can't handle teasing. It confuses me.

Star

Its very hard to communicate with real time text based chatting. I talk to my brother-in-law via IM and often he misunderstands points I'm trying to make. So I recommend you either talk in real time via voice and/or voice and video. Or in e-mail only till you understand each other better.

When you see something he has written that pisses you off maybe spend a few minutes thinking about it. Are you literally interpreting something? Does he mean to be hurtful or is it is lack of understanding about AS?

A lot of NT's conduct friendships and romances with teasing. It's a way of 'being safe' because it can be scary to say 'I really like you'. Hiding behind teasing reduces the risk of rejection.

I'm Australian and the male culture is particularly into putdowns. The more you putdown your male friend, the greater sign of affection it is.

eg 'How are you Tony you big a**hole'
'Great Fred, you ugly old p*ick'.

I am exaggerating a little but that is how a lot of Australian males interact with their friends.