What do you do to compensate for your inability to read cues

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HenryGramer
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03 Apr 2017, 12:29 pm

Everyday I've been going on here trying to figure myself out. Given that I am horrid at picking up social cues and cannot read body language, I've been compensating for this by looking for people that can talk to me and respond to me in full sentences. And for going out on dates with a girl, I would look and see if she is giving me some friendly "touches" (e.g. holding hands, rubbing our shoulders together, etc.).


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antnego
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03 Apr 2017, 1:38 pm

Good sense of humor combined with not taking myself too seriously. I embrace my imperfections.


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FeardyBase
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03 Apr 2017, 1:56 pm

Stay clear of situations where I have to, as far as possible.



crystaltermination
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03 Apr 2017, 2:00 pm

I was thinking about this earlier on today. Created an awkward moment where I got too carried away talking about mould forms to a pathologist guy on my field trip doing his second degree. Embarrassed myself there, but sometimes I'll be simply dying to say something and just can't stop myself. -_- What I will strive to do in the (near) future will be to more carefully assess what really is appropriate for the given situation, a lot harder.


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ASPartOfMe
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04 Apr 2017, 4:46 am

Deal with the consequenses as best as possible. Same way I compensate when others fail to read me.


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auntblabby
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04 Apr 2017, 4:52 am

can't go wrong with being a hermit. :alien: I've only been able to find peace with my own company. call it schizoid or whatever.



goatfish57
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04 Apr 2017, 5:10 am

Uta Frith has written at length about this subject. The term she uses is "mentalizing." Simply put, people develop rules for social/emotional interaction to compensate for an implicit deficit.

You may want to google Uta Frith and mentalizing. I think you are doing very well to recognize your limitations and taking steps to compensate. Some of us just give up, while others muddle through and figure out how to adapt. None of this comes easy and is exhausting, stressful and very rewarding when you succeed.

Good luck


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Gaara
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04 Apr 2017, 6:39 am

Avoid people.



lazyflower
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04 Apr 2017, 7:03 am

Withdraw myself or just smile to seem friendly



EzraS
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04 Apr 2017, 7:35 am

I compensate by being withdrawn, aloof and nonverbal.



burnt_orange
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04 Apr 2017, 7:42 am

There are some tips that I keep in my head. One is to make eye contact. I'm constantly telling myself this during conversations. The other is not to talk too much/ don't say anything weird/ don't play jokes on people. Invariably, after talking with someone a while they will realize I'm weird and usually avoid me afterwards. So now I just try to be as normal as possible. The last thing is to make small talk. People use small talk as a precursor to big talk. People like small talk. It also lets them know that you want to talk, etc. So those are just the things I've learned are important, and the mental notes I've made. It never comes naturally. I'm always just instructing myself to do these things.



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04 Apr 2017, 8:52 am

burnt_orange wrote:
There are some tips that I keep in my head. One is to make eye contact. I'm constantly telling myself this during conversations. The other is not to talk too much/ don't say anything weird/ don't play jokes on people. Invariably, after talking with someone a while they will realize I'm weird and usually avoid me afterwards. So now I just try to be as normal as possible. The last thing is to make small talk. People use small talk as a precursor to big talk. People like small talk. It also lets them know that you want to talk, etc. So those are just the things I've learned are important, and the mental notes I've made. It never comes naturally. I'm always just instructing myself to do these things.


Look near the eyes, like at the nose or mouth. Most people won't notice and it will be a lot less stressful.


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idonthaveanickname
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04 Apr 2017, 2:31 pm

I just try to avoid social situations. Now I try to think before I speak or act. I'm still not clear on social cues, though. Is it similar to nonverbal communication? Am I supposed to tell what other people are trying to tell me without them actually saying anything? Is that what social cues are?



Keigan
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04 Apr 2017, 2:37 pm

Constant observation and monitoring of self and environment.



Claradoon
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04 Apr 2017, 2:43 pm

I stick a permanent smile (closed mouth) on my face, nod slowly as if in agreement/approval, and try for eye contact. It doesn't always work but sometimes it's worth it.



itsme82
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04 Apr 2017, 4:42 pm

idonthaveanickname wrote:
I just try to avoid social situations. Now I try to think before I speak or act. I'm still not clear on social cues, though. Is it similar to nonverbal communication? Am I supposed to tell what other people are trying to tell me without them actually saying anything? Is that what social cues are?


Yes you are supposed to... :/ Yes that's what social cues are. It can be implicit in verbal communication or it can be nonverbal signals. They are just guiding signals for social behaviour.

I don't know why people can't just be direct and say certain things instead of being that implicit in their (verbal) communication...

Well, ok, I get it that part of it is that some people find directness hard to deal with, finding it too aggressive due to whatever sensitivities they may have. And so I suppose such socially expected indirectness is a means to decrease chance of conflict overall which is good for social cooperation.

It's just that I don't work that way, I don't find directness too aggressive, I just find it normal assertive and perfectly fine to deal with without having to create conflict. So it's going to be a bit annoying having to try and adjust to people with this by toning down myself after I recently read up on this topic. Trying to learn though.

Of course, there are other reasons too for being implicit. Such as, some topics are a bit sensitive in the sense that they are not for the public. There is such a thing as a private sphere. (I get this one just fine without needing any explanation.)

And then for the nonverbal aspect, some things are just better expressed nonverbally. Quicker than saying it, and whatnot. Because it's also kind of implicit information in the first place if it's, say, about expressing a mood. At least that's how I see it.