So I saw this girl with scars on her arms...

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So today I was in a fast food place and i saw this girl with lots of scars on her arm which look like from self harm but they might not have been. She seemed to have a lot of confidence about it and seemed approachable. I wanted to go and talk to her but I didn't want to seem like a weirdo by being a stranger going to talk. I don't know why I'm interested by that. I don't want to be strange. Do you think it's okay to talk with her if I see her again?

What are your reasonings for wanting to talk to her?

I'd honestly not suggest it tbh. I have some scars from self harm and I think if a stranger approached me to talk about it I'd be very uncomfortable.

Just to be friendly. I wouldn't be nosey into her life or for any bad reasons.

I suppose it would be ok to go and say hello to her. I'd avoid explaining to her why you feel drawn to her though, unless you manage to initiate a friendship and it comes up at a later date.

I'm not really sure. I have a lot of difficulties making friends so I don't really know how one goes about doing it. Usually I end up with them if I'm in a forced situation (being in a psych hospital) or if I'm introduced to other people's friends.

Consider this: as an individual asks her about the scars, she probably relives the event in her memories and emotions.

My point is that potentially you risk interjecting significant risk into her life to satisfy your curiosity.

I'd be careful about asking a stranger about something like that. There are too many ways it can go badly. Personally I would not know how to respond to such questioning and would likely look for a way to escape. Results can vary however.

i think even if you approach her without explicitly mentioning her scars she will still know that is what prompted you to want to talk to her.

i can't say if that would necessarily be a bad thing.

however, there is only one way to find out. you should think about if the risk of possibly offending her outweighs the reward of possibly making a connection with her.

if you do approach her, and if she reacts negatively, you can always sincerely apologize. i think it's pretty obvious when someone is sincerely sorry vs. "sorry you feel that way", you know?

but it also may not the best idea to take social advice from the socially inept haha
this is a complex situation and i am quite sure i don't understand the subtleties of it.

I'm not trying to say or assume that this girl's scars are NOT from self harm, but . . . .be very careful about what you assume/presume about a stranger. Something that looks like it's gotta be from what you think it is may not be.

I have some nasty scars on my arms from quite literally two frightened cats who (serially) went ape-shit and I had to deal with them. One cat got extremely upset by a move, another cat very similar circumstances and now needs Feliway to keep him calm. Don't underestimate a domestic cat -- they are capable of turning you into something that looks like a swamp alligator got hold of you. Not even lying here.

A few years ago, someone pointed to the baddest scar and asked me point blank "So you self harm?"

I have never self harmed in my life and cannot imagine doing so -- I FAINTED at the sight of my own blood the night my cat ripped me open. I'm one of those people who could never be drawn to that activity. But someone was convinced that's what it was.

So I'm not saying this girl was attacked by a cat like me, lol, but what I'm trying to say is, self harming is not the only way someone might wind up with bad scars. Another case in point: a friend had horrendous scars and it turned out to be a skateboard accident.

Someone also might conceivably have been attacked by a spouse or partner. Like self harming, that's not something they probably want to chat with a stranger about.

Again, I'm not presuming to know what that girl's deal is -- maybe you are completely correct in your guess.

But just saying -- something can look like something and it genuinely is not that thing. I'm mortified about my scars because I know the world today goes straight to "she's a self harmer!" and that's not what happened to my arms. It's become an issue for me, particularly since nobody believes me even when I tell them exactly what happened. It just sounds like a made-up story and this whole thing about not being believed makes me so angry.

Don't open up a can of worms with this girl. Especially if in fact her case is indeed actually self-harming.

I dont know what to tell you.

I know my left arm is scarred from elbow to wrist on the underside of my arm. No one really calls attention to it, even if there are fresh cuts.

I have seen others with scars too, and i get the same feeling, i want to ask them but i never find the right time.

Speaking as someone who has dozens of self-harm scars clearly visible on my arms, I hate when strangers ask about it. I wouldn't recommend asking about it unless she were a close friend.

It's nice to be friendly, but be careful with what you say. I have two scars, but from a fire.

It would be okay to talk to her as long as you don't mention the scars