difficult co-worker - what would you do?

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I'm at my wits end with a co-worker. I'm so stressed I'm considering quitting my job which I can't afford to do. I'm looking for advice - what would you do in my situation?

A little background. I don't know if I'm autistic or not. I have a fair amount of autistic traits. I don't know if the co-worker in question is autistic or not. They appear to have SOME kind of issues but I'm not a doctor and it's none of my business anyway. But I chose this Forum because I suspect neither of us are neurotypical and hoped those of you here might have insight you're willing to offer?

Problem is, co-worker is not doing their job and it's making my job very very difficult.

Where we work is two employees on at a time. We each "cover" a section of the facility and the applicable duties. Most of our duties include dealing with customers.

The co-worker is ignoring customer requests and my requests, telling them or me flat out "NO" to requests, making up stories for not doing their duties, lying to customers and to me about not doing their duties. Then I'm getting angry customers complaining to me about co-worker's behavior.

After 6-8 weeks of this, I spent 3 days stressfully composing a letter to my boss saying I can't work with co-worker anymore and need to change our work shifts or maybe resign. (I'm better with written words. I lock up with face-to-face confrontation.) Day I planned to send letter, co-worker was smiley and interacting with customers some and I purposely avoided requesting things from them (that they're supposed to do but I didn't want to jinx it.) Co-worker has bounced back and forth between tolerable and intolerable over past several months - mostly intolerable.

So now I'm just stressing in general again. I don't know what I should do, what is appropriate. I don't know if the entire situation is just me, or if it's co-worker, or combination of both. I just know that I haven't had this much anxiety in years and I'm not going to be able to handle it much longer. It's affecting me 24/7 at this point, not just when I'm at work - even in my dreams!

Can anyone suggest what THEY might do in my position? I think I'm too submersed in it to think clearly about it anymore and I don't have anyone to talk it over with.

Thanks, Chronos. I've been keeping a log. Trying to work up the courage to approach the boss. Thanks for the objective point-of-view, it's very helpful.

If possible talk to your boss about the situation and your log, do this prior to sending an email.

Keigan,

Would you suggest I review my log with my boss, tell them the issues I have and: 1) ask for what my options are? or 2) present my options as I see them?

Which way to go is more acceptable from a boss's perspective?

Present the facts to your boss, just the facts. If the facts speak for themselves then your boss will know how to respond.

Keigan,

Thanks... wish me luck .

Luck!

Also, not asking for help and not dealing well with authoritative figures are both aspie traits - so good for you for taking the steps to reach into this community for ideas on how to deal with the situation, and for actually approaching your boss rather than trying to deal with the situation on your own.

Good luck! I hope things go well.

Ask your boss what he thinks about your coworkers performance. If he asks you then you have an invitation to explain in detail. If not, you can ask him what your duties are. Then when he explains the duties you can ask what if my coworker refuses to help and I have a customer getting angry, then what should I do? Treat it like you're just curious. Let him help you and prompt him to direct the conversation.

One way to handle this type of situation is to talk to your manager. But, be very careful not to criticize your co-worker. The conversation must be about you. How you are struggling and how you can improve. Your manager would become a means of support and not a source of retribution. No boss wants to get into the middle of a personal conflict. If your co-worker is pissing off the clients, your boss knows about it. Just stick to how you can perform better.

Yes talking to the manager should be the first thing you do. I have 20+ years of working experience and if you confront the employee instead of your manager, he is likely to get defensive. If you confront the manager, then they can deal with it. The script I gave you was so that your manager could do the leading, not you. Managers really appreciate this in my experience. They also appreciate you bringing up employee issues with them so that they can do their jobs. I used to believe like you did and that the manager would be the last person I would speak to, but this is wrong headed thinking. You just need to be very very tactful when speaking to your boss. You should ask him questions and not tell him that you coworker sucks. Let him decide for himself. If he says the coworkers performance is great, then you ask can you help me understand why so that I can work on myself and become more like that person. No matter what the boss says, the boss is right. Understand?

OP you have come across a problem I have encountered many times in my previous employment situations. I think at least 80% of the population are lazy slackers. I am not, and this has led me to conflicts. So I will offer you some advice: DON'T talk to your manager. Getting along with your co-workers is your responsibility. Your manager would label you a troublemaker and mark your cards... managers don't want to deal with this sort of stuff.

Talk to your co-worker. It doesn't have to be confrontational. If his behaviour is erratic, then he is going through some stuff himself. Maybe he says "no" because he can't cope. But this is all speculation. Talk to him. Find out what's going on.

And in the meantime make the best of it. This too shall pass.

I at first thought this post was about me and you were my annoying co worker who would accuse me of not doing my job but then I read you were dealing with customers and we don't deal with customers and you mentioned there are two of you at work and I looked at your profile and your gender and age and realize you're not my annoying co worker who sometimes makes me anxious where I feel like quitting sometimes or asking to switch buildings to get away from him. It would be one small world if you were that annoying co worker I had dealt with. Then I would have had to defend myself explaining my side and saying I do do my job and you just don't like the way I do it so you think I am not doing my job even though I get it done still and you just go around patrolling other co workers doing their jobs like you are the manager and it's not your job to tell them how to do it and the fact you sometimes accuse me of doing things other people do like customers still using the restrooms after I clean them and I flush the toilets after I clean them so there isn't any cleanser.


I would do what you have been doing, try and transfer to another building, tell your boss how you can't do your job properly because of your co worker and she or he makes it very hard to impossible for you. If you can go find another job while working, I would do it. Also tell your boss you are going to start looking for another job if the co worker issue isn't dealt with because this is bad for your mental health and taking a toll on it because of that other co worker not doing their job and it's affecting your work.