Do relationships make Aspies happier?

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Hi, folks!

I just watched this TED Talk:



They basically studied the lives of 724 men for 75 years.

The main lessons were:

1) It's not money, fame or hard work that lead to happiness.

2) What helps make us happy, and keep our brains healthy, are MEANINGFUL relationships with friends and family.

Now, that's all well and good. For NeuroTypicals, it may well be the case.

But what about Aspies?

We seem to freakout with too much social interaction, and we tend to be content by ourselves.

Do you think we should still strive for these kinds of relationships?

Or are we different in this regard?

Thanks!

Certainly an interesting video, but the idea he espouses has been around for centuries. The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus devoted his life to finding out what causes happiness, and he came to nearly the exact same conclusion, that it is not wealth or fame that makes us happier, but instead good friends and relationships.

As for Autistic people like myself, I think the exact same thing applies. It's not strangers and parties that make us happy like for some however, but a mutual understanding with a few close individuals. The big difference is, due to our abundant strangeness and often impaired social skills it can be hard for us to find people like that to share our lives with, and perhaps that is what causes frequent depression among aspies.

I couldn't agree more, unfortunately, it seems like I'm going through something like that right now. I mean, I do have a close group of friends that I've known for years, but it just doesn't feel like any of them really "understand" me if that makes sense. Like, the person I have to be around them I don't feel is the real genuine "me," and if I was absolutely myself when I am around them, I'd probably just drive them away.

precisely, and it's comforting to find someone who is in a similar situation.

I retired and moved to a thinly populated part of the world for family reasons but am very lonely and have great difficulty making friends. (Despite having joined a dance group, a canoe club, a model railway club, a car club and the Womens Institute). About 15 months ago I met and entered an intense relationship with someone who is dyslexic.

She had/has her own problems to deal with and found our relationship too intense so broke it off. After some weeks we re-established contact but she rations her exposure to me (!) to two days a week. We have similar interests and walk in the country most weekends. I find it extremely difficult to be motivated (today is a bad day which is why I am on WP) and seem to be living for our meetings. This is because she accepts me for who I am and I can talk to her without feeling threatened while she tells me straight when I am being obsessive, boring or repetative.

I am now worried that our relationship is becoming abusive i.e. I am facilitating her leisure activities in return for her company. This is exacerbated as I have survived two long term relationships in which I was abused on top of which I know her mother is very manipulative.

I suppose the conclusion is we need the right person but we may never meet that person. I just wish the search could be more fun

My one insight here is this: without people I don't remember a lot of things/places that I experience in life. I have come to believe that shared experiences and talking about them (the gold ol days, etc) with friends and family is how people remember most things. This keeps your brain sharp in the same way that playing suduko might help you with numbers or math. So, I believe I need people.

Relationships are tricky. It has been hard to stay in one. I eventually want to be alone. But....then the alone is terrible, so there I am again. Now I have accepted it. I am too old to go back and forth anymore. I am staying in this relationship til death.

I do prefer to be in a genuine loving relationship than alone. With someone I fully trust, and I mean fully and can tell them anything, I am happy. Even if we are just sitting there, with say me on the computer and my partner watching TV, I like knowing someone is there that genuinely cares for me, and the person I am, flaws and all.

That's all there is in life really, humans are a social species which is why autism can be such a profound disability.

That depends on if the particular aspie wants a relationship. I'd be happier without a relationship. I'd rather have the German helmet than a significant other.

I think the key word here is MEANINGFUL. For us, a meaningful relationship has to include understanding and acceptance of our social difficulties. A little goes a long way when it comes to socializing.

That said, I have to admit that friendships have often introduced me to enjoyable places, activities, etc. that I would never have tried on my own.

Okay, we have the question, "Do relationships make Aspies happier?"
Let's look at a variation on the theme,
Do Aspies make relationships happier?

After a bit of recollection, I suppose I was a bit harsh on my current group of friends that I talked about in my previous posts. They do care about me, and as for not fully understanding exactly who I am, I shouldn't expect them to be able to read my mind or anything.

If I have come to any conclusion through my own thoughts and the other posts made since, it is best described by a quote from the ancient Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius -

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

In short, the search for a perfect friend or partner is somewhat foolhardy. We should accept the people that fate has brought to us, and love them truly.

Depends on the person and the priority. Matters not the neurology, unless you only look at the odds alone.


I had a great friendly relationship with someone online once -- shares some interests, knows I'm autistic, very open, we're hanging with the same group, and respects each other opinions and choices.

She's an ND (I won't specify which ). But she would rather be an NT, and I respect her for that.
She admits that she's a covert pervert and I accept her for that, and respects that I don't appreciate or understand adult jokes.
She's tells me a lot of things about having a lover and getting married, and having children -- and knows that I have no interest with such. But I'd listen to her anyway.
And so on, and so on. We shared a lot. But we've been so busy, we didn't had the time anymore. And I'd still remember her.


I didn't sought someone like her, she just came. And I do admit the relationship does makes me happy.
But that does not mean I sought it. Or truly wanting or craving for it. I never planned or intend to have any friends.

I'm still grateful that it came.
And I'm also still happy without it. More so knowing that she has others out there taking care of her.

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