what exactly makes people think you are weird ?

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Scheimaa
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15 Apr 2017, 1:30 pm

since i started talking to people - i used to be shy - i have been hearing them telling me that i am weird, the way i talk , the way i think, the way i act even the way i walk .. i didn't like it, what is so weird and strange about me ?
and i asked my friend about her opinion and she said that i was strange .. very strange in fact before we became friends .. for example the way i used to not answer when someone greets me and just smile .. or something like that ..
of course that wasn't a satisfying answer , and today a friend who isn't so skilled socially herself said that i am weird :?
i just don't understand what is so strange about me that i need to hear this word so often ? ! when i ask them to say what is weird about me their answers is usually vague ...
i know that a lot of you hear the word weird often .. so do you know what makes people think that you are weird when every person is supposed to be unique ?



ElabR8Aspie
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15 Apr 2017, 2:16 pm

Replace 'weird' with 'different' and accept that you are different.

Take it as a compliment and or water off a ducks back.

*Shrugs/Meh*


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Scheimaa
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15 Apr 2017, 3:15 pm

ElabR8Aspie wrote:
Replace 'weird' with 'different' and accept that you are different.

Take it as a compliment and or water off a ducks back.

*Shrugs/Meh*

well .. usually they don't say it to offend me, it just irritates me because i can't see what is so weird .. so replacing weird with different doesn't really help



ElabR8Aspie
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15 Apr 2017, 3:28 pm

Scheimaa wrote:
ElabR8Aspie wrote:
Replace 'weird' with 'different' and accept that you are different.

Take it as a compliment and or water off a ducks back.

*Shrugs/Meh*

well .. usually they don't say it to offend me, it just irritates me because i can't see what is so weird .. so replacing weird with different doesn't really help


You act,think and behave differently to others,hence your different.

Just accept and embrace and don't over think things.


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Edna3362
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15 Apr 2017, 3:40 pm

They think you are weird because you are different.

Unless they'd take you for a foreigner and dismissed it as that.. :lol:

I might rant about how people thinks what is weird or not. It may cover several topics on how the norm works to give a clear answer why things are weird for them.
Shortest I could come up with is that in their eyes, you stand out of the crowd. Even if each person is unique, those people are following unwritten protocols that you are not aware of and would not stand out.

But nothing is wrong about that. Nothing is wrong with being different. You're not harming anyone out of it.


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lostsaurus
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15 Apr 2017, 3:58 pm

I am very extroverted and empathetic but I fit a ton of the symptoms of high functioning aspergers in women to a high degree. Reading/hearing so many other women talk about badly wanting to belong but feeling like an alien was a frightening but also enlightening moment to me. Other behaviors of mine suddenly made sense too after I started researching-- I was always the kid in class who raised their hand because I knew the answer. Teachers used to say "Who can tell me, besides lostsaurus, (question here)?"... I got so frustrated and just couldn't (and still can't) understand people who knew the answer but didn't offer it, so the teacher stood there while we wasted time. It was so non-sensical and non-logical to me, even though I knew I wouldn't get called on I would still raise my hand. I felt compelled.

I am an intense person is the first thing that makes me "weird". I am also deeply principled, and because of the necessary hypocrisies of living life I struggle an immense amount with the degree of shame I feel for having to violate my principles. Whenever I have opened up about this with other people I'm met with bewilderment typically. I really love absurd humor and laugh at things that aren't necessarily appropriate to laugh at, and then turn around and don't find funny other stuff other people find hilarious (that ventriloquist guy comes to mind, everyone told me how hilarious he is and I don't think I cracked a smile the entire show of his I watched, meanwhile I watch ketchup bot or Dr Steve Brule on youtube and lose it laughing).

Recently the thing that makes me stick out as weird is that I have endless patience for children where it seems lots of adults don't... my son and other toddlers/preschoolers are super curious, get hyper focused on specific things, and love familiarity and routine. I feel so comfortable with it and even their melt downs, but so many of my parenting peers struggle really hard at this stage. Everyone calls it the terrible twos but parenting at this stage feels natural to me-- I understand him and he understands me.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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15 Apr 2017, 5:34 pm

Q: What exactly makes people think you are weird ?
A: Their personal concept of what is weird.


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Ignotum
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15 Apr 2017, 5:45 pm

lostsaurus wrote:

I am an intense person is the first thing that makes me "weird". I am also deeply principled, and because of the necessary hypocrisies of living life I struggle an immense amount with the degree of shame I feel for having to violate my principles.


I could not have stated my own feelings better myself. I try my best to abstain from stereotyping people and placing them in arbitrary categories, as well as hatred of all sorts, as I feel that those two things are the cause for so much suffering in this world, so I try my best to be tolerant and open-minded towards all. Unfortunately, of course, it is almost impossible for me to completely live up to these standards, mostly due to a lack of control over my own emotions and actions. The result is then an intense shame as you describe, followed by me beating myself up over it.



naturalplastic
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15 Apr 2017, 6:57 pm

Scheimaa wrote:
since i started talking to people - i used to be shy - i have been hearing them telling me that i am weird, the way i talk , the way i think, the way i act even the way i walk .. i didn't like it, what is so weird and strange about me ?
and i asked my friend about her opinion and she said that i was strange .. very strange in fact before we became friends .. for example the way i used to not answer when someone greets me and just smile .. or something like that ..
of course that wasn't a satisfying answer , and today a friend who isn't so skilled socially herself said that i am weird :?
i just don't understand what is so strange about me that i need to hear this word so often ? ! when i ask them to say what is weird about me their answers is usually vague ...
i know that a lot of you hear the word weird often .. so do you know what makes people think that you are weird when every person is supposed to be unique ?


Wish we could help. But we arent there to observe you.

Folks have thought I was "weird", and yet Ive known others who struck me as as weird (whom others have agreed were such).Not necessarily disliked them. Often the reasons a group of folks come to agree that someone is weird are very subtle things about the person that are hard to pin down. It can be a lot of subtle things that add up over time.

If you can give specific examples we could give you feedback. Like if folks respond in the moment to a specific thing that you did/said/thought at a particular moment by being weirded out than you could tell us what that thing was. And we could give you feedback about why that thing rubs the majority of folks the wrong way.



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15 Apr 2017, 6:59 pm

I don't know. It seems that no matter what I do, people end up calling me weird and asking "what's wrong with you?".


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lostsaurus
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15 Apr 2017, 7:41 pm

Ignotum wrote:
lostsaurus wrote:

I am an intense person is the first thing that makes me "weird". I am also deeply principled, and because of the necessary hypocrisies of living life I struggle an immense amount with the degree of shame I feel for having to violate my principles.


I could not have stated my own feelings better myself. I try my best to abstain from stereotyping people and placing them in arbitrary categories, as well as hatred of all sorts, as I feel that those two things are the cause for so much suffering in this world, so I try my best to be tolerant and open-minded towards all. Unfortunately, of course, it is almost impossible for me to completely live up to these standards, mostly due to a lack of control over my own emotions and actions. The result is then an intense shame as you describe, followed by me beating myself up over it.


Yes! And when I try to describe this cycle to people when they question why I feel shame or a sense of being a "tainted" person, I get met with questions like "Well why do you have these standards in the first place..." which inevitably upsets me. Like because the world is flawed or hard we should sacrifice belief in principles?

I'm not going to lie, reading your response was such a rush of relief to me that someone else has gone through this. For me this is probably one of my biggest struggles when it comes to just living life. I feel possessed by a need to live by my principles and beyond disappointment, I experience actual despair and despondency when I have to violate them. I deal with shame because I was born in the US, I started feeling it when I was a child and asked why I wasn't born elsewhere and my father essentially explained the lottery of birth.

Logically I know that this is not something I control or should be held accountable for, but emotionally/cognitively it just feels shamefully wrong that I get advantages other people would kill to have or die attempting to get for them or their children.



Ignotum
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15 Apr 2017, 10:48 pm

Yes, and it is likewise comforting to see someone going through the same sort of cycle as me. At first, I thought my austere value system and sense of justice was simply a quirk of mine, but perhaps it is another relatively unknown or little talked about affect of autism on the brain?

I go through almost exactly what you describe as well. Also, I suppose you could say that I constantly have my head "up in the clouds" as well, thinking of things such as the ideal person, the ideal society, the ideal upbringing, etc., which has groomed me to become a very abstract thinker, usually approaching a situation in terms of its philosophical relevance rather than a more practical approach that normal people might take.

I can sympathize with the last part as well, the natural injustice and cruelty of this world is often a topic that leads to sadness and existential crises for me personally. I haven't thought of it until now, but perhaps that is the reason I am so fascinated, not only with theoretical ways to solve the problems of this world, but also with economic systems such as libertarian socialism that apparently promise justice and economic equality for all.

Anyways, I hope these ramblings are of some use to you, and I once again must state how relieving it is to find someone going through similar experiences as I am, so thanks!



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15 Apr 2017, 11:06 pm

Quote:
What Exactly Makes People Think You Are Weird ?


Their jealousy 8)



Priola
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15 Apr 2017, 11:13 pm

That I am lil uptight and also seem disconnected sometimes.

I tend to disconnect when I have to do something I don't like. And socializing for long periods of time is one such thing.



CrowdedSolitude
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16 Apr 2017, 12:19 am

In my opinion, NT's are like robots. They are pre-programmed for everything, so they act and react automatically.

Imagine Becky and Bobby, two NT's having a conversation:

Becky: *See's Bobby -> Run BeginConversation.exe -> "Hey Bobby! How are you?"
Bobby: *Hears greeting -> Run RespondGreeting.exe -> "Oh, hey Becky! I'm great! You?"

Now imagine Becky the NT and Alexander the Aspie:

Becky: *See's Alexander -> Run BeginConversation.exe -> "Hey Alexander! How are you?"
Alex: *Thinks to self: Crud.. okay let's see is she being sarcastic? Does she want something? And what exactly does 'how are you' mean? Does she mean physically? Was the question rhetorical? How should I respond? Hello? No.. that's too stand-offish. What about 'sup'? No.. too lame. Ahhhh so many options, so many outcomes!! ! I wish I was a robot!


Basically, you will be considered weird if you are not a robot like them. If you want to be more like them, learn to do what they do: parrot everything. Practically anything an NT utters they have heard from someone else, even something as simple as a greeting. They do that because it works. If you hear a Becky and a Bobby converse, and see that their conversation was a success, the next time someone greets you like Becky greeted Bobby, just say exactly what Bobby replied with. If it worked for him, it will work for you. I don't know about you, but I get bored as heck with that charade.



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16 Apr 2017, 12:36 am

Fern wrote:
Quote:
What Exactly Makes People Think You Are Weird ?


Their jealousy 8)


I say this half as a joke and half being serious. Since I was a kid I knew what I loved to do, and through sheer persistence I have found a way to make this my life's work. Along the way, I have noticed that my obsessing over my interests scares people a little. More than simply not having the same common interest, a lot of people (NT or otherwise) don't have clear direction in their lives. I think my obsessing over my interests can therefore unintentionally make people feel angry at me, for pointing out something I have but they do not.