A rather strange childhood

Post Reply New Topic

My childhood was a strange one. I didn't even know I was autistic until age 10, the age my psychologist recommended I be informed of my diagnosis. Prior to that, I had these intense and frequent meltdowns and received lots of home-based therapy. I often did not know what caused the meltdowns, which, therefore, made efficiently preventing them close to impossible. I sometimes got violent, but I was far more likely to hurt myself than other people.

It's funny that I can remember specific events in my childhood with great detail. For example, I remember a "childproof" latch being on my bedroom's doorknob to prevent me from wandering when I was about 4 or 5. Either I must have been really smart for my age or the latch wasn't really suitable for childproofing, because I figured out how to open the door. I would use both of my surprisingly strong hands to squeeze the doorknob with latch and turn it repeatedly until the door opened. Eventually, my parents realized that this wasn't working and removed the latch.

Like most autistic children, I underwent ABA therapy. The therapists wanted to extinguish my fear of loud noises by exposing me to them. I was especially afraid of helium tanks and hand dryers. So afraid, in fact, that I would instantly have a meltdown if I ever saw a helium tank. I still perceive the sound of gas leaking from a gas tank to be loud, so this "desensitization" therapy could be considered a failure. Luckily, they've removed the helium tanks from some of the places I eat at.

TL;DR - My childhood was a mess

Yet, through it all, you came out pretty smart

I was afraid of loud noises too and being exposed to them certainly didn't help.
Planes flying overhead at the end of world war II and cars coming down the road.
I hid my face in the corner of the porch when i heard them coming from a distance.
The noise got louder and louder until it filled up my head. That's what was so frightening. It seemed to get inside my head.
Even when I was a teenager if there was a thunder storm my parents would tell me not to be afraid, they wouldn't believe me when i told them i wasn't afraid any more. But i always avoided places like loud concerts.

Apparently, I had "improved" so much from therapy when I was young that my mom wanted to use me as an example of how autistic children can "improve". I think that meant that she wanted to use me as an example of how "effective" ABA therapy is in forcing autistic children to hide behind a mask and be silent, so I wasn't super happy when she told me this.

As I mentioned, I used to be deathly afraid of helium tanks due to the loud hissing noise they make when releasing helium. I remember my family would buy those portable Balloon Time helium tanks, which my therapists used to get rid of my fear of them. I would be sitting with the therapist, who would be sitting next to the helium tank. They would get me to approach it and listen to the sound of helium being released. Any attempts to run away or other "manipulative" behaviors were written down. I remember a specific therapist wanted me to "bond" with a BT helium tank and treat it like a person. We wrapped it with a scarf and named it Sam. We even wrote its name on the side of it. To this day, Sam sits in our backyard collecting dirt. At one of my birthday parties, my aunt was oblivious of my fear of helium tanks, so she started using one in the living room. As soon as I saw it, I melted down and ran all the way to my room.

OMG! that was so cruel.

those people must have been insane. Bonding with a helium tank!! !!

Thanks for sharing these details of your childhood. I agree that many aspects were ridiculous as well as disrespectful. However, most were at least well intended. As you read stories here from other autistics, you will see some truly horrible, abusive experiences.

The helium tank friend was especially funny.

https://tinyurl.com/yaxex8zy
(This is from Tomodachi Life. My Mii is the one in the upper left corner )