You don't have asperger's ha ha

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I went for an auditory integration therapy assesment today AIT. Anyway the woman was extremely surprised I was diagnosed with AS, she thought I was just extremely tense and anxious "keeping it all in and could lose it at any minute". She said I have worked with hundreds of people with AS and autism and you are nothing like that.
Anyway this is based purely on her observation/intuition of me not a detailed psychological assesment so I will try not to fret about it.
The facade I put on must be quite convincing, I will probably have to sleep tomorrow to get over the fatigue from interacting!!

I've been wondering if the best answer you could give to someone saying "you don't seem like you have Asperger's/HFA," is "thank you." Treat it as a compliment, I think you'll get good results.

Did you tell her you are diagnosed?

You could also leap up waving your arms shouting 'Halleluliah, I'm cured'

:run around screaming:

Hi Fresco. I learned the art of simulating normality to such an extent that I could pass as more NT than most NT's. This was as a result of my 'autistic hands' being severed from me as a child as a result of extreme abuse & suffering in a home that was obsessed with 'normality'

This causes me lots of problems when visiting health care professionals when I look so deeply relaxed and give perfect eye contact whilst at the same time in extreme distress.

Looks can be deceptive, and most often are to the untrained unskilled eye. the other day at my 12 step meeting i mentioned I have AS and this woman said to me, "WOW you must be so high functioning I would never have known," I laughed inside and felt exactly the same about her and that who would have known she was a raving sex and love addict.

much peace to you Fresco

What does this mean Criss?, you didnt actually get your hands cut off did you?

I had extreme abuse as a child and was also in a childrens home, am still trying to work out if Iam an aspie or suffered such trama that I ended up with the same syptoms.

Thank you Nambo... I felt foolish for thinking this....I'm glad someone else took it literally.

I always get told something similar. When people find out I have Asperger's, their reaction is usually something along the lines of 'oh wow, I would never have have guessed'. I tend to take this as a compliment as it obviously shows how well I'm coping in general.

Yeah I can pass easily as NT when coping skills are working. It isn't till I actually explain what happens when not in their company. In other words I tell them what they see is a mask and if they saw me when alone, I'm not the same. It's a form of defense, I can't keep it up as long as I used to and it took a horrible toll on me. I think I had a nervous break down a few years ago and the current doc pretty much agrees. I suppose you could call it a melt down too, but it just kept getting worse, didn't seem to have an end to it, till I just stopped going out of the house and recouped.

People can be "trianed" to see , for example, a boot as a sexual object, that they respond to it. It's the same techniche they use to so call, fix homosexuals, I call it brain washing. You called it abuse and you're dead one. I don't hand flap, but I do other things, some I've done for so long I don't even know it isn't "normal", the wife had to help me on the aspie test. And even she hasn't seen me over the long haul, as much as she knows me, even she doesn't. I think you and I were on the subject of the 12 stepper programs before.

Yes the woman was aware I was diagnosed.
I've got pupils like saucers after todays performance, ha ha.
Anyway, Criss please clarify re the hand thing I'm quite concerned, that either a) there was a cheese wire accident or b) you exercises to perform or were chastised for hand flapping sorry that sounded rude, anyway please just explain that one. God I feel so annoyed that you have had to go through all that and deal with AS. How do you find the twelve steps if you mind me asking?

I owe my current official diagnoses to a social worker that I was seeing. She told me that she suspected that I had it, and arranged a testing session with a Psychiatrist who specialized in Autism. Well, I met the Psychiatrist briefly, and then she turned me over to a student. After I sat through over four hours of this crap, she appeared at the end of it, rudely glancing at her watch while telling me that I didn't have AS, and that it was just PTSD. That was when I realized the bullcrap a lot of this so called testing is. She was basing her info on what I had provided, and not on her own observations. She told me I have a high IQ, as if that were supposed to be some kind of consolation prize. Another shrink told me that I couldn't get disability for it, as if that was the only reason I needed the DX. I told him I already had benefits, based on physical issues. Hell, I should get a purple heart for surviving all this time without a DX! I finally got my DX from a resident psychologist who is familiar with AS. What other posters in this thread mentioned is true, about being able to pass for NT so successfully, that they are fooled themselves. That's me.

Yeah, I know just what you are talking about. Every now and then I think "AM I NUTS????"! !! ! I am NOTHING like some of these people(On WP or ASD, etc...). But then I am exactly like others, etc... Still, I wonder.... THEN I get lauded for having a lot of info, stay in my room all weekend on interests, have wierd episodes that sound like when some here describe meltdowns or communication problems, etc.... In one day I can seemingly change from a real confident person that really does seem to know it all, and seems(to some at least) to be somewhat normal, to someone that even has trouble getting a simple idea across and wants to go home and rest. I guess autism isn't such a stretch.

BTW autism is looked at as being a disease that only creates damage. Frankly, I am shocked when I hear the deaf speaking about how they want their culture to REMAIN deaf. or others that say similar things. Still, I can see why some autistics speak that way.

I guess autism is like this type of circuitry that was created about the time I was born. It was used to create VLSI circuits. They cost more, sometimes ran hoter, were sensitive to static electricity, often required other power supplies, etc.... So what happened to them? Well, they took over. Today it is used EVERYWHERE! WHY???? Well, with all the bad, I left out the GOOD! They are smaller and faster, and reliable! ALSO, after all the changes that have since occured, costs dropped a LOT, they run cooler, and the size of each transistor has been reduced dramatically. The wattage is even lower. You would be hard pressed to find any CPUs, memory, etc... that don't use this kind of circuitry.

I like that - being compared to circuitry. That's exactly what makes us different. Being wired differently than the NT's.

I get that a lot too, even though I feel like I definitely have it because of my eccentricities. I was diagnosed as a kid and the psychologist made it very clear that my case is very mild. Maybe that just means mild, but compared to most the people I've met who have AS I seem kind of borderline. But maybe I'm delusional.

Hi Fresco, sorry to alarm you with re my use of words. No my hands were not literally severed, it was just that my autistic ways were condemned as mad and deranged. Subsequently I refined the art of false self to such an extent that I suffered chronic depersonalization and trauma as I developed characters to protect myself from being seen. Just like Donna Williams as told in her biography NOBODY NOWHERE.

You asked about 12 step recovery, well...... Growing up in a very extreme and hostile and alcoholic home i qualified for nemerious fellowships such as 'Adult children of alcoholics' 'AlAnon (for friends and families of Alcoholics) Co-dependence anonymous (for those who are susceptible to forming unhealthy attachments with lovers or friends)

All of these difficulties as well as OCD (and yes there is a 12 step group for this too) I have explored within the context of trauma and PTSD, and rightly so too, my childhood was deeply traumatic, however, my orientation as a man with AS has only recently come to light as a result of terrible depression in the summer in not understanding why I felt extreme distress around playful situations with my 7 year old son. none of my friends in the 12 step world could get this one, nor could I and the cloud of unknowing was soul destroying.

I am now retraining myself to be unashamedly myself.

Much peace to you Fresco and all of you who face the struggle.
cx