Truly and unconditionally

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I just want to be loved.

You are not the only one who feels this way. Keep your sense of optimism strong.

! !

I have lost every bit of optimism I had. I have many single women in my family and it pains me to see that I will end up like them.

Why do you feel that way?

Because even though I tell myself that I am strong enough and that I can handle being alone for the rest of my life... I can't. I feel like an extreme failure because I don't really have anyone - not a boyfriend, not friends and I don't get along with my family. I can see it in the women in my family - they're old and lonely and full of spite and grudge.

You can transcend those other people. You don't have to be full of "spite" and "grudge."

What is it that makes you really smile?

I have lots of love to give away, sending you some via text -->

Don't we all.

I feel this way too. I want to be able to be a USA-to-New Zealand kiwi, go to the Olympics for gymnastics, own my own book store, publish many novels, do figure skating, martial arts, and dance, all by myself, alone. That is the life I want.

I can't do it on my own. My family is there but they won't be in NZ. God gave me a vision of NZ 6 years ago. I'm still not there. I want to go with AT LEAST a travel partner/roommate, though going with a boyfriend is ideal. I mean, my soulmate. What if he is in Heaven and I'll be on earth for centuries before meeting him?

But I refuse to hold grudges or stuff like that. Which I would do if I stayed in America and didn't pursue my dreams. I would be angry. But sometimes I think I can't do it alone. We weren't meant to. We were meant to do this life thing with a partner.

New Zealand is a nice place.

But why do you want to be a Kiwi in particular?

Why not an Aussie? Or a British person?

Unconditionally? Then get a dog.

It would help you so much if you dropped the word 'suicide' from you user name. Do not know how young you are, but if you think good thoughts; they will eventuate. If you think bad thoughts; they will eventuate.

I like making videos. But, again, it's hard to make them on your own. My life is extremely plain and, I too hold grudges against all the people who did and keep doing me wrong. I am not a bad person and I don't deserve to be treated like one.

I've been depressed for 9 years. It's not going away. I've never meant any harm to anyone and all I got was bullying and taking advantage of.

Love is a universal thing. We all need love. Love can turn anyone into a Sweet Pea.