Being judged for meltdowns?

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I don't have meltdowns often and I'm very embarassed by them when they happen and sometimes have done self-injurious behavior during them. They generally happen when my expectations do not match reality and/or a last minute completely unexpected change has occurred.

In my past I have lost a three different friends in situations where meltdowns were involved. These were two different incidents of losing friends, three meltdowns were involved, and all of it was before my diagnosis although all three people were familiar with me and aware that there was a chance I was on the spectrum as well as what that meant. In both cases I was judged and scolded for "throwing tantrums" to manipulate (or embarass) people. That wasn't what had actually happened in any way shape or form, but the three people involved did not listen to or believe my explanations.

This is something that I am still struggling with months and years after the events. I can't think of anything else I could have done. I didn't have enough warning to prevent the meltdowns; I just couldnt adjust fast enough. I hate the fact that my ASD is causing me to lose friends, but at the same time if they wouldn't stand by me through the rough parts do I really want them as friends? Ugh!

Has anyone else had struggles with other people judging you for meltdowns? Issues with people not understanding or blaming you for them? People misreading them as tantrums or attempts at manipulation? How did you deal with it?

Thanks!

I get judged and blamed for my meltdowns all the time. I had a minor one today that was probably due to stress and feeling overwhelmed and it was just me and my mom at home. She began yelling at me and using profanities. She said I was being over-dramatic and that she was sick of it. My meltdowns usually consist of me crying and trying to self-injure too. This time, I was biting at my arms and trying to cut myself with my fingernails. I cried a lot and the only thing that could calm me down was watching my favorite Torchwood episode and cuddling with my stuffed Adipose (from Doctor Who).

I've lost a few friends due to meltdowns in the past. I remember having a bad one at the library with two of my friends and a third friend was going to meet us there. I remember getting really overwhelmed as it was a busy Saturday there and quite loud (even though it was a library). My friends were not being helpful and were being loud and somewhat obnoxious too. It was a hot day, and that sometimes affects things too. I hit overload quickly. Long story short, my friends left me there crying and hitting myself (I called my mom once I calmed down and she came and picked me up) and they have never talked to me again, even though we were friends for a few years before that.

I still have meltdowns, but my friends are all online now, so I don't really have to worry about them seeing my meltdowns. My biggest problem is my mom when it comes to judgement. My therapist has told me many times that she has good intentions, but doesn't completely understand what I am going through.

The stress-management ideas I've picked up on this site have kept me away from having a public meltdown for some time. I imagine that a couple of meltdowns may have gone on my permanent record, so to speak, at jobs. Then again, cooks freak out from time to tome. It's just a thing that happens in kitchens, but would have probably been a bigger issue at a different job.