Actually it's more like a frustration with everything. I've always had alexithymia so I never know what the source of the problem is. I'm sexually, emotionally, logically, and cognitively constipated. I'm just not sure what's really wrong.
But I'm frustrated with the system. I feel like it destroys me. I'm put into this giant mechanized state run organization called mandatory schooling. I'm made to think so many things that I AND others know are wrong. The curriculum is shallow and dull, the teachers are underpaid and forced. It's a nightmare. Every day I wake up and go through the same damn crap over and over again. Few insults and bullying episodes here and there, supplemented with a nice dosage of scolding from that one particularly conservative bat (Not politically, she's VERY left, she's just conservative in mannerism, and therefor thinks everyone else should be as well). Everyone wants me to think something, do something, constantly, FOR THEM. Nothing ever for me.
I could survive on my own. I COULD do it. I have a constant desire to be isolated, like in some sort of apocalyptic desert wasteland. Yea, I know all of the things I'd lose, like WP and video games and books and movies and relaxation, but I don't care at the moment because I'm already having my free will forced out of me by the "system". I don't understand, I'm tired and drained by this and I would just like a fictional reality to be true. I know I won't get that, and that's what bothers me.
I study government. Sometimes it pisses me off how inefficiently this system is run, and how many people are suffering, yet told that they are living the greatest lives ever and there is no alternative.
I've run out of energy to post the rest of my thoughts. I guess I want to hear yours. Criticize away...
22 May 2017, 2:47 am
