Advice please.

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I have had the worst 18 months of my life which has included two near death events. I have been left absolutely shattered. I have no confidence. I have quite severe PTSD and hate leaving the house. I sit at home all day because it's the only place I feel anything like safe. My Husband wants me to go to a psychotherapist. He is local so I could walk rather drive as driving is a big issue for me now. I made an appointment but then I panicked and cancelled it. Now I feel like an idiot. I don't know what to do. I do/don't want to go. I can't decide.

It happens, and the therapist should understand. In fact, if they don't, that is somewhat telling. Cancelling or just not showing is not uncommon.

You are not required to go to therapy alone. If you'd feel more comfortable taking someone with you, do that. If you think you could manage something on the phone, try asking the therapist if you could start that way until you feel that you're able to do it in person. They are there to help you, so they should be amenable to what you feel would best suit you at this time.

Thank-you for your reply. I just tried to re-book an appointment and the email came back with a daemon mail failure notice. I know the address is right as I was replying to one he sent me earlier. It could be a cosmic sign that it really is a bad idea!
As for a phone consult I would unfortunately be an utter disaster at that. When I get super stressed I become non-verbal. It's not that I don't want to talk, I just can't, but I can write which I'm sure seems uber weird to people.
I know I will become super stressed because he will want to talk about about things I will struggle to communicate. After my last near death experience, I spent 17 days in ICU and wasn't meant to survive. When I came out of the coma, I had retrograde amnesia. When the speech pathologist first met me, she asked me my name and my reply was 'that's a good question' because I honestly could not remember it. There are big chunks of memory that have just vanished. I keep coming across things that apparently I used to know but it's all new to me.
I know my Husband is right and that I need help because I have lost just about everything that made my life worthwhile but geez it's hard. I feel safe locked away in my home. I don't want to go out. It's too peopley

If it's ok to ask, what put you in the coma, Bunnyb?

What approach does this therapist wish to use in order to help you? Or i suppose that would be decided at the appointment?

I had a right frontal cortical and sub-cortical stroke and aspirated which meant I had a hypoxic brain injury as well as the damage from the stroke. I personally believe it was related to the head injury I had a few months before but the neurologists are pretty cagey about it all. I know the psychotherapist is a qualified hypnotherapist but I had told him the thought of hypnotherapy scares me and he was OK with that so I guess it will be just talking which I am not good at

Hello, fellow Australian!
I encourage you to see a psychologist/psychiatrist as soon as possible. Failing that, at least get out of the house sometimes (and go for a walk or something?). The longer you stay in your house without leaving, the harder it will be to adjust to being out.

I know it's easier said than done, and it will be hard, but even partial recovery will improve your quality of life. Please have courage, maintain hope, and seek support when you need it. Good luck.

For some good news about your prospects for recovery, read up on "Neuroplasticity." Norman Doidge writes well about it.

Thanks for that. I've done a lot of reading on neuroplasticity ( I have too much time on my hands) and I will look up this Norman Doidge chap. I do believe I have great neuroplasticity. When I was in the coma I had decorticate posturing. I read a Neurology Nurses blog which says

"Decorticate posturing is a bad deal, because it usually means damage to the thalamus (without which you really can't get along), the midbrain, and the cerebral hemispheres, which is where all your thinking, speaking, and remembering goes on. Essentially, you could "recover" from the sorts of injuries that would lead you to show decorticate posturing, but you'd not do much more going forward than stare and twitch."

After reading that I understood why I have been told I'm remarkable even though I don't feel remarkable in the slightest. I personally think missing the neural pruning that NT brains undergo possibly leads to greater neuroplasticity. I have nothing to back that idea up. It's just something I have considered. I do know I have no right to be as functional as I am but then I've never been mainstream

Could not the therapist come to you, if you were to explain (in email may be better if you can't take the phone - I sympathize) that the very reasons you are seeking help impact your ability to leave the house?
I'm sure you won't be the first person they have ever heard of with issues like that, if they are experienced - after all those with extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, dementia, schizophrenia and other issues may all have problems leaving their safe environments, not to mention it is common in people like you with PTSD.

Hello from a fellow brain-damaged Aussie.
Also exceptional and "shouldn't be as functional as I am"
I too attribute this to autism and a different way of processing.

Totally relate to the "things I used to know" part.

With the therapist question - I become non-verbal (and I have dyspraxia) so I wrote what I wanted to say during my visits using an iPad, which we would hand back and forth.
At the end of each session, he would give me questions for the next visit so I would have plenty of time to prepare answers.
Maybe you could use this method.
He understood totally, and after a few visits I could use more speech as I got more comfortable.

Thank-you Raleigh, you have no idea how stupidly excited I am to find someone who really understands. I spent months trying to figure out why I'm functional. I had two theories. The first was having ASD made rewiring easier and the other idea I considered was that I must be a replicant. Knowing my first idea doesn't sound too crazy to someone else who's like me is so nice. I can see a Phd in this for someone. I couldn't find anything on ASD and brain injury recovery.

I really like your idea of using the ipad. I've been told my problem is selective mutism which sounds like I get to select if I talk or not which I certainly don't. I feel it's more like an extreme stutter where I can't even get the first sound out. It's incredibly frustrating and when people don't get it, they get pushy and demanding and that makes it impossible and I can't even tell them to bugger off. If I go with something already written it would hopefully help. Now I just need to remake the appointment and not panic again

I haven't spent too much time wondering why I'm still functional, I'm just extroadinarily grateful that I am.

Bunnyb, perhaps you are right about having greater neuroplasticity.
Actually, I recall an article that mentioned a genetic variant common in autistic that was related to the ability of the brain to rewire and compensate. I've since lost the link...

But there is the idea that autism is commonly caused by injury to the brain, but unlike 'normal people', people who develop autism are able to rewire the brain in a different way.. *shrug*

Anyhow, good luck with your therapy.