What the hell is wrong with "Them"?

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Them being almost every other person I've ever met. I don't understand. I'm so isolated and paranoid every day. Every person I talk to has some sort of insult hidden somewhere. I'm afraid to speak because anything I say can be turned into some sort of "Because you're this...because you're that". I try, I really do, to avoid neurotypical hatred. It just doesn't work. I hate these people and I feel like they're the ones with the disorder and not me sometimes. It's just so hard not to think narcissistically when you're constantly in conflict with everyone. And THEY start the conflicts, because they want power over me and they know it's easy to get from someone who's socially blind. I feel like EVERYONE is a hidden sociopath but me. It's like everyone is so forceful and aggressive and manipulative. EVERYONE wants something from me, and it's always physical. I can't have a conversation because people treat me like s**t.

People talk to me like a really punishable child. They sit there and giggle and smile with all kinds of s**t I can't see hidden in their faces. They plan out the attacks and release them at once. In a normal day I receive so much s**t from people I can write it all down and fill 7 pages. Insult after insult.

And before you say is it because I did something...well no. It's not. I stay silent and don't do anything unless I'm asked by this point, and I always try to do what others want. But something about my aura, something about my "appearance" gravitates people to me to step on me and use me as a punching bag. I don't get it! What the hell do these humans and their society want from me? I don't feel like part of this society. I want to get out, but then I have nowhere left to go because every place in the world is covered in humans and I feel like an alien (Pretty much the name of this website I guess). They're ALL bad. Out of the hundreds of people I've met in the past 10 years, they all turn out to be manipulative as*holes who laugh and ADMIT IT. They ADMIT they're evil bad people, and they don't want to change because it's not in their interests! Even ANIMALS aren't like this! People laugh when I tell them to f**k off, they laugh when I tell them I'm tired or busy or fed up.

I'm so different from everyone else I don't even feel human anymore. I just want to live peacefully and not be bored out of my mind with nothing to do either, but I am constantly alienated and isolated by the extraneous amounts of manipulation and social toying that I have no alternative but to run away from idiots, all the time. I can't fight them, because a single person knows more about me than a hundred me's combined. It's like they can read my mind. The only reason I'm posting this is because it's anonymous. So any help? What the hell do I do?

I have been there too. The aura and so many things you talk about here.

I think of it like this. Everyone else knows a set of rules we do not. They are just born knowing and it's hard for them to grasp what it's like to not understand. I mean how would you explain breathing? You just do it and always have. If break the rules people will think you do it on purpose and this makes them mad. Or maybe they laugh at you because it's comical to them that you would break the rule. They don't know how to interact with us and it's also frustrating for them.

But you have to remember that saying nothing like you mention can also make people angry. It can come across as rude or like you don't think much of them. I had a boss get VERY mad at for not saying good morning to her. Truth is she was a very intense women often yelling and she made me nervous. I thought it was best to not upset her and just do my job. Nope, I seemed rude.

Personally I just try really hard to make eye contact and make small talk. Like oh nice weather today. But I also expect the person to think I am odd so I try to not take that personally. But like I said I too get very sad about it sometimes.

I've seemed to have experienced this same social phenomenon as well. The problem with my friend that I've mentioned in many posts on this forum (way too many posts in fact, which only confirms the obsessive aspect of my Asperger's), is the result of my friend believing that I broke the "rules" on purpose. And as Mr_Miner said, my friend doesn't know how to interact with me and he's frustrated by me and my behavior.

Humans never left the jungle, they brought it with them to society. The ideals society pumps out (you'll be accepted if you cooperate, work hard, and innovate) are manipulatory lies-- never expect a human to follow those. Truth of the matter is cooperation is to build the society, humans don't view society building in any regard, they view it like pigs at a troth: cooperate to fill that troth, but then fight like crazy over who actually gets to eat from it. Humans don't work hard, not any more, it's about doing the least amount possible while still convincing others you're doing a lot. Innovation is scam, for every Thomas Edison that takes all the credit there's a Tesla that did the actual innovation and hard work. Humans only see the world in terms of power, whether consciously or not, and that means the vast majority of your interaction with them will based on that, not the superficial conversation you're having with them.

There is one major plus here though: the world's population is unsustainable, there will be a culling of the herd in the not too distant future (I'm 36, and I personally believe it will happen by the end of my lifetime or shortly thereafter). The individuals that tend to survive those cullings are those that are isolated: when the herd begins eating itself the best place to be is away from the herd. Also, one point of satisfaction you'll receive: the herd ALWAYS culls the powerful in the group, a culling is a sign of instability and stability is the only instinctual reason to follow a leader (i.e. be social).

I've had this before, please, tell me your age as I had this totally when I was in my teens and even before then.
I felt that every time I muster up some courage and some optimism to approach people and be friendly they are just total sociopaths and manipulative as*holes and pricks, I still get it when I get through my "down time" (When I get agoraphobic and scared of people and the world and go in my shell and try to create my "safe space") and I get very anti-trusting with people, I still do. Even my parents
seem like oppressors who feel bad because they have the "different kid" the kid who is not "normal"..."why don't you have a gf?" "Why don't you have any friends?" "Why are you soo shy?" etc; and so forth.
Actually I was diagnosed aspergers at 15-16 when mum wanted to "fix me"...
She has gotten ALOT better though and it has been really tough, especially with incompetent parents who say that they were "never given a book on parenting" which is some aggravating s**t, I mean, being a parent you need to accept responsibility and not just say "woe is me" yadda yadda...my parents are split so that made it even tougher growing up in a broken household, but I've been managing and I feel like I've gotten past alot of the dark and scary times...I still have a bit of dogma with NT's, I still view them as uncaring, highly impulsive creatures of priviledge (you'd think that would make them good people, but alas is not always the case)
I really try to be optimistic, I really try to be confident that I will find the "diamond in the rough"
of friendships, many time I have been in an up then down mood, like I would be up and people would attack
and criticize and put down and bully and torment me leaving me stuck in rumination on how I can better
the situation...some advice I would give is to find your "happy place"...listen to "positive music" music that have lyrics
that won't turn on you or loop in your head when you are down in depression, try meditation (try guided meditation or "beach visualization" meditation) if you get fuzzy or /r/frisson type of vibes that is good!, that means you can control your deviating thoughts, as deviating your thoughts to stuff like, "hey that person over there could be my friend, I better go over and introduce myself, I hope they won't bully me like the last friend" (This talking is done in your head, which is why you might think people can read your thoughts, in a way people are connected in for lack of a better word spiritual way, which is why people have "the same train of thought" thoughts/talk...try to eliminate your negative rumination, see it like a challenge to better yourself, think "you might have said something mean, but I'm not going to let you 'get to me' " keep trying to change your mind and you will eventually change your thought patterns and possibly rewire your brain for either success or at least a positive additude. Good Luck Bud.

If any of you would like to talk, you are more than welcome to PM me.