I Am Bored Out of My Mind

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I've started to talk online with people more often but it is SO boring. I want to go back to my old self, the self who wasn't really interested in people and focused on her hobbies. I was much happier back then. I don't understand how people get anything out of socializing with other people. I thought I wanted intellectual stimulation, but I'm no longer even sure that I'm capable of enjoying that.

I'm assuming it would be worse in person because the one comes across people more randomly; I can't just choose a website about my interests like I can online. Also people do much more boring small talk in person.

I'm going CRAZY. Don't know what to do.

Join an acting group? All the world is a stage.

Well, what's wrong with thinking to yourself "nope, tried that, don't like socializing with people," and just going back to your solitary interests if that's what you prefer?
This made me think of this comedy article ----> http://feveredmutterings.com/awesome-boredom

You might as well go back to your hobbies, and your solitude.

yes, i feel the same way. especially lately. a lot of precious little "people" do not accept, much less respect me. even the ones that have the nerve to tell me "we care about you" or tell me that he/she is my precious lil "friend". (*screech*).

until i do or say the slightest thing that they do not "like". then they have the nerve to tell me that i did something "disrespectful" or "rude". or that they will tell me when i do something they do not like, and they expect me to stop. while i could not perform vice versa.

and then they act like they are morally justified for saying or doing anything around me. including making comments about my body, appearance, gender identity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class.

and then any response other than passive aggressive tolerance, they have the nerve to label as "you got mad". they do not say "annoyed" or "angry".

but they do not tell me they "got mad" @ me. they say i was "disrespectful". in that way, and numerous other ways, those big egoed idiots act like they are morally superior to me.

right now i am 34. my IQ score and metabolism have plummeted so much that i do not particularly see the point in doing anything.

likewise, my actions/statements do not appear to correlate very well, with the response that precious little "people" have the nerve to give me.

for example, in 2006, the Dean of Warren at UC San Diego told me i was the first transsexual in the wrong lockerroom. but i did not get into the news. while nowadays, transsexuals are all the rage. especially the bathroom bugaloo. and i started gender therapy 2004, over 10 years before caitlyn jenner won Woman of the Year for her "courageous and painful" journey from male to female.

and that was just one rejection (the one labelled in the paragraph one before this one). there were numerous forms of social rejection. and failure. grotesque failure. someone had the nerve to physically assault my worthless corpse. but, that is off subject of the post.

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in middle and high school, i took acting classes at school. for 3 years, i worked as a professional actor.

acting lessons might provide an out of the box method of working or playing with autism symptoms.

but acting classes cost $$. just like almost everything else in the world.

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at this point, i am just so afraid of precious lil "people". that i only interact with them. for functional reasons only. and. not only that, but, for the ones that act particularly theatrical, i consider carefully the cost benefit analysis of interacting with them.

over 10 years ago, in San Diego, plenty of precious little "people" that appeared (to me) academically smart, functional, socially adept, vocationally competent, statistically normal and (seemed) nice. later turned out homophobic. seriously. there were so many of them. and they were so homophobic. that it led me to seriously question whether i was wrong or whether they were wrong. they acted so morally innocent.

yeah. and thus, developed, my fear of precious little "people" that look like nice "people". or "good people".

seriously.

so now i avoid someone that looks like "good people" just like i avoid someone that looks like "bad people".

which then means everyone.

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neurotypicals can do or say whatever they want. for autists to respond to neurotypical's actions takes too much energy. at least, for me.

sometimes i would rather just be alone.

and the older i get the more often i wanna be alone.