Visible signs that anything goes wrong

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I would like to learn with your personal experience - about what was the most noticeable sign that there was something "wrong" (let's say: "different") with you.

I began attending school at 6 (my family was so impressed with me that they wanted to enroll me at 5 but I was rejected by school board), and obviously no one could give a name to it but, according to my memories, I always felt excluded and ignored by my colleagues in their subtle attitudes. All my complaints to adults were ignored as childish moaning as if I was only a needy baby asking for a bit of attention.

Physical violence against me was rare, probably because everyone noticed I never gained enough physical strength so I am used to be underestimated and shunned when trying to play collective sports like soccer. Besides, imagine I became a grown man being taught in loud voice on how to play soccer: "pick an opponent and chase him" - that happened to me around 10 years ago. Sounds obvious but I was not doing it, otherwise I wouldn't be advised.

"You are strange", "you are weird", "you are lonely because you want to", "huh? You talk alone in a low but noticeable voice!". Hearing these and similar phrases let me furious in the past; now they still hurt a bit, but soon I shrug it off. But something that still angers me, is to see people shouting, laughing, pointing to me and I have no idea what is going on. It happens sometimes and I cannot do anything about it, just do my best to ignore it. I must confess I feel like punching and kicking the idiot, but I know I cannot. Anyhow I avoid and ignore most of the people I see.

People trying to take advantage of me, my money, my hard work... Being misled is normal and I always get trapped even after trying to be careful. "That woman you just talked to... Only with two condoms, ok?" and I felt shocked because I didn't notice anything wrong.

Not to mention how many times I was dismissed from jobs. Most of the times it happened, reasons for it were vague and cynical. I never forgot two recruiters who treated me so arrogantly with no apparent reason (they told me phrases like "you meet our minimal requirements"). Imagine yourself being dismissed with no explanation after 3 months, 1 month, 3 weeks, 8 days, just before holidays like Christmas. This is a complete lack of respect and consideration but so far I never had an apology from anyone, only laughs and silent disdain.

Obviously these events sent me alarms. I must confess that the lack of clues led me to ignore what could be happening. Whenever I talked with anyone, I usually felt even worse, because "you're too dramatic and exaggerated, your story is too complicated and it cannot be true, you suffer because you do nothing to help yourself". I even talked to a doctor, suspecting an ASD disorder could explain it, but he was rude and stupid and dismissed all my complaints, stating that I was bullied in my childhood so I should simply take a black stripe medicine to feel better - to no avail, because I refused taking it. Some months later, a personal frustration led me to collapse.

I ALMOST WENT CRAZY! No serious explanation, complete lack of clues, people laughing at me with no apparent reason... Personal stress was reaching high levels and I was losing grip on real life, wasting money, spending days locked in a bedroom and refusing to meet people.

It took me a long time to learn about my ASD diagnosis which even nowadays I am still reluctant to accept. I suspected it since at least 2003 but only recently I met a doctor who's experienced with this type of diagnosis. Before that, I will never forget the day I told an aunt that I felt myself "a bit autistic"...

But, sorry about my outflow, enough. I would like to learn more about your personal experience with ASD disorders and which clues you had in your personal lifespan. When did you have your diagnosis. With good advice and attention from good professionals, I am gradually feeling much better, though I know things won't be what I expected - my personal experience was shocking and I still have lots of traumas needing to be addressed.

Please let me learn something with you, have your say but please don't leave me alone at this topic.

I think one of the first and most visible signs that something was wrong was poor motor control. I say this was the most visible sign because it was (and still is, really) something both my parents and teachers commented on the most. I walked and stood in an odd way, often fell, often dropped things, and did many things very slowly.

When I was younger, my parents brought me to my doctor because yelling at me wasn't helping me be more coordinated. But after a minute, my doctor laughed and said I'll grow out of it. I didn't grow out of it, and got yelled at some more to be better coordinated.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if they sought another opinion.


Anyway, glad to hear you are getting answers and gradually feeling better.

I would say I was probably different from the time I was very small, before I began school. However, I was very outgoing and social, so nobody suspected anything. I believe my differences were brought out beginning in kindergarten. I was one of the youngest students in the class and didn't speak English. I was still speaking mostly German at the time. The teacher thought there might be something wrong. I have always felt different ever since, even though I didn't have any academic problems. I did experience some bullying, but most people thought I was nice, if a little too serious and shy. My obsessions with certain topics and with getting good grades in school probably inhibited my social functioning. I deeply regret that now.

I am sorry, but you really do sound like a whiny baby.

Hi, this is a great topic so thanks for posting it. I feel I had a load more unravelling to do than most simply because I was late diagnosed. So I'm writing my memoirs as I've had an unusual life (much of which I attribute to ASC) and I hope to publish snippets here on Wrong Planet. I definitely got lots of early signs and it's an amazing process to go through, remembering them and writing them - helping me, entertaining me and hopefully the same for others when it comes out. Learning to write with the reader in mind is a good stimulating activity.

My mother said I didn't smile when I was a baby.
Loud noise like traffic and airplane noises would get trapped inside my head and frighten me.
I didn't make friends or talk to kids at school. Kids called me outer space.
I got bad grades at school. My parents said I was babyish.
I was withdrawn and flapped my fingers a lot which my mother didn't like.
That's what I know about my early childhood but that was a long time ago in the 1940's and 50's.

It was just taken for granted that I was different from toddlerhood. I was classically, nonverbally autistic until
the age of 5 1/2.