How to help and better support my Aspie boyfriend?

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Hello,

I have been in a relationship with my lovely Aspie boyfriend for 3 years now and I've encountered a major issue where I feel I am running out of ideas on how to best help and support him.

He's been feeling emotionally overwhelmed recently due to his perception of other people and how he communicates with them. He claims people don't react in the same manner towards him each time he sees them (e.g. first they seem friendly, later not as much or they ignore him) ...this causes him a lot of confusion...I am not there when this happens so it's hard for me to assess this. If we are together and I can see how he talks to others, I can't find an issue at all and I always try to encourage him or feed him ideas on what he should expect from people.

This is causing him a great deal of frustration ... he wants to be liked by everyone and make a lot of friends..of course he does have friends but it's not enough I'm guessing.

I am running out of ideas in how to best support him. I keep telling him everything is fine and that people can act differently on separate occasions and it doesn't mean they are rejecting him somehow ... or that they already have a circle of friends and they're not that bothered about adding more people to it... etc

Anyone have any clues? I do try my best to understand and support him but am unsure on what to do next ... this has been without solution for some time now ... and it's getting worse, not better. I am really worried he will fall into
depression

Being depressed is one of the biggest symptoms of being an aspie. Find me an aspie that isn't depressed, you probably wont. However, your boyfriend most likely is feeling alienated by people, which happens with most of us. It's kind of hard to know when you are being to clingy or annoying people. I have had various people block me and I still don't know why. Not much you can do about this situation besides telling him that he doesn't need to have tons of people who like him. Having a few people who you can trust is way better than having a hundred fake friends.
If he really is getting depressed then he should probably get a psychiatrist. The suicide rate for aspies is incredibly high so having a psych is necessary when you are feeling very down.

Hope your boyfriend gets better!

Hi, thank you very much for your reply. I personally have a great opinion of all people on the spectrum I have met so far. I even joined my boyfriend one a meetup for people on the spectrum in London once and it was a great atmosphere, people were very friendly, also my boyfriend is the sweetest and best boyfriend I have ever had, I am truly blessed.

I hope in time people can have a better understanding that it's not always easy for everyone to read social cues, maybe there can be a media campaign for this ..hmmm...
I'm sorry to hear that depression is so common in Aspies, my boyfriend is usually a happy type but I think lately he has been going through a rough patch. I suffer from depression at times so I can empathize, odd that I didn't recognize it in him now that you've mentioned this.
I find it alarming what you have just mentioned regarding the suicide rates! It makes me sad to hear. I will be educating my friends and even future children to be tolerant of everyone and open minded.

Thank you xx

I suffer from depression and you feel has if the clouds are dark and future is not good. I am at my best when I am not stuck in. dwelling on thing. But for some people even been around other people doesn’t help. But he should seek help. I first started with depression when I was 14 and still have it at 32. If that makes sense.

It could be that he is just misreading their expressions and mannerisms. I can get the big obvious expressions, like if someone is smiling or shouting, but I often miss the more subtle cues. If someone is acting in a less animated way, for me it can seem neutral or disinterested. I have recently made a new friend and if it weren't for the fact that she has actually said out loud "I really like you" I would still be wondering if she was interested.

I have always had difficulites knowing whether or not people like me. It could well be that his friends have not changed, but just that he is not picking up on the less obvious signals, and feeling like he is being rejected or ignored when he isn't really. Sometimes it might be that they feel more comfortable around him and so don't feel the need to make as much effort, which he then interprets as a lack of interest.

The first question is, do these people know he's an aspie? If they do, then the simplest way might be the direct approach, asking them straight out for an honest answer. If not, ask him if he might be experiencing the same thing as I have described for myself.