I believe he may be on the spectrum - Help please.

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Hello, A short back story, I started talking to this guy just over a month ago and instantly we clicked, we had the same interested, he was like my dream guy, and I was everything he wanted (or so he says), he started to warn me(?) about how unstable he is, that he's a mess and that I'd regret letting him into my life, and that he understands if I want to stop talking to him because I'd like someone with less mental health issues, but apart from that he was the sweetest, most amazing guy I'd ever met and I didn't want to miss out on a chance to get to know him more so I continued because he seemed to be reallly, really into me.

Now, we aren't talking anymore because things ended badly, mostly on my part because I lashed out at him after getting angry that he was pushing me away and wouldn't tell me why, this is before I saw signs of him being on the spectrum.

I know he has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and has trouble letting people in because everyone has left him due to his mental health before and his last boyfriend left him because he only 'loved him like a friend' (this is what he told me)

To keep it short, I'll list the reasons I believe he's on the spectrum.

Sensory Overload - He gets sensory overload a lot, he told me this but he told me its because of his anxiety (but I heard one time he had a panic attack because there was "so much noise everywhere" and thats when he told me he gets sensory overload a lot, and when he stayed over at mine after our date there was a thunderstorm and it woke him up but he ended up bringing his hands up to his ears and started to heavy breathe, he said it's the lightning that bothers him and not the rumbles, but I did wonder why he covered his ears. And one time when we were out in a busy place he went unresponsive the busier it got, like he wasn't there anymore.

He takes things literally and over-thinks - One time, he made a terrible joke in a chat with my friends and I, and I ended up "lol'ing" at it and then saying something like "I'm so embarrassed that was so bad I can't see you anymore" and he took it literally, ended up messaging me privately asking if we were ok, and made me promise that we were okay, this happened quite a few times. I told him I was cleaning my snapchat friends once and I was like "hmm should I delete" and sent him a screenshot of his and he went blunt and was like "If you wanna lmao." and just instances similar like that where he'd take things I'd say seriously even if it was obvious I was kidding. He told me something that went on years ago, nothing even important, but he made me promise that it didn't change anything, and kept going on and on about promising even when I asked why it would change anything. I did promise and he said promises give him a lot of clarification.

He'd often ask for time alone - quite often when we were talking, he'd leave it on read for a while, and then I'd double text maybe half hour later and he'd reply something like "I just need some time alone, I don't want to talk to anyone because I'm having a bad night" etc. then maybe an hour or two later he'd ask if I could call him so he could fall asleep on the phone, this happened often because he told me it helps him sleep.

After our date and he was at home, he told me he loved seeing me and spending time with me and that he wants to see me again, but he became distant and closed off, I tried to talk to him about us and he'd just ignore it, but then he'd snapchat me worried that we'd lose our streak. Occasionally I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone for good because I was worried that he didn't actually enjoy seeing me, because he went distant, and he'd just say no, that he didn't want me to leave him alone.


He gets irritable really quickly - we had a fight one time because I wouldn't tell him a song I was playing in a video I sent him, it started off as a joke (again) and he said like "i'll come see you again if you tell me the song" and I said that wouldn't work, and then he deleted me off of Snapchat and then we were sending emojis on iMessage which I thought was a joke, but then he ended up telling me I'd been really f*cking him lately and that he wanted time alone, so I told him I'd be done with him because I deserve more than someone who can lash out at me like that over something small (I regretted this instantly but people say things in the heat of the moment) looking back though with his record of taking things I'd say the wrong way, I think he may have taken this as me saying "I don't want to see you again" and upset him why is why he got angry at me, we didn't talk for two days after this. before that we were still talking like nothing was wrong, (he was distant and cold but he'd still say he wanted to come see me and he'd say things we could do the next time he saw me) We started talking again after I told him that I was sorry and if he wanted me to go because he wasn't interested in me I'd understand (it was honestly about 4 paragraphs long about how sorry I was for getting angry and saying I was done with him), but if he was pushing me away because of his mental health that I'd stick around, and after that he started talking to me like nothing had ever happened and that argument didn't happen, but he never told me why he was pulling away.

He ended up getting further and further away from me after that, we'd hardly text and he'd say some hurtful things like he doesn't care that we were drifting, that he hates deep stuff and he gets annoyed whenever I text him asking how his day was and making sure he was doing okay mentally, I know the same week during this he had a meltdown if that matters.


He told me he was doing better one day, but then also said he didn't care that we didn't talk much, so I felt inadequate and my friend convinced me to drop him completely, I lashed out again (I have a habit of this when I'm hurt, sort of to show them I'm not hurt, when it's obvious I am) I called him an assh*le and selfish and ungrateful because he never showed appreciation for how much I was there for him. (staying up all night on the phone making sure he was okay, constantly trying to cheer him up no matter what went on in my life, offering my home to him if he ever needed to get away from his. I was there for him the second he needed someone) but he made me feel like he didn't care about that, like I wasn't good enough so I got mad. I'd tried to tell him this quite a few times, that he made me feel bad, that he upset me when he'd be distant, that I'd be willing to be with him if he wanted and that I really care for him, but he'd never tell me why he was distant, never tell me where I stood or what he wanted and I told him I was close to leaving because I felt so useless, so It isn't like it was out of no where that I got mad.


I messaged him 4 days later, asking if he was doing okay, and he ended up saying that I don't care if he's doing okay which couldn't be further from the truth, he told me he was doing really well and it'll stay that way, even though four days before he had a meltdown and he told me he struggles to even have a good day. Then he proceeded to tell me he got a new boyfriend the day before, (out of no where, the conversation could've been over but he carried it on) so I said I was happy for him. Then he was like "Why are you messaging me? you chose to leave me, you wanted to leave me, I know I told you to but" and that confused me because he never told me to leave him, except when we started talking and he said his mental health is bad and he understands if I wanna go. He then sent me photos of him and his new boyfriend to rub it in my face I guess, and it made me feel sick because I still want him, but I told him they were cute together and he ignored it. That is the last time we've spoken.


I'm thinking that in his head, he took the jokes about me deleting him off Snapchat, and that I wouldn't tell him the song even though he'd come see me again, as me not wanting to see him again, that I was trying to push him away. If he wanted to cut me out of his life would he really be bothered that I "chose" to leave him and wanted to? I'd spoken to him time and time about how he was hurting me by being distant, but it seemed to go over his head and then he gets shocked that I leave?
Also If I spoke to him the way he spoke to me he'd get upset and angry.

I did think he just didn't know how to tell me he didn't want me anymore, but he'd distance himself if I said about just being friends too, but if he didn't want me, why would he try to convince me hes doing well without me and that he's got a new boyfriend and how happy they are and sending me photos. The new relationship doesn't even seem very real to me if I'm honest, I know how he is and I know he's either lying about it, or it's a rebound. I can elaborate more on this if anybody wants to know why.

I didn't think about Autism until after we last spoke, otherwise I wouldn't have said some things I did because of how he might've taken it, I understand I am part to blame for us not speaking anymore and things ending, I am still trying to understand his mind because he refused to let me in emotionally due to his past, depending on what people say I am thinking of writing something long and detailed to him about how he made me feel, and why I didn't want to leave but I thought that's what he wanted etc.

He doesn't struggle to make eye contact and he constantly goes out with friends to busy places, and he doesn't mind being touched or cuddled I don't know if this means anything but I thought I'd include it.


There was a lot more good between us than it sounds, but the downfall happened so quickly that's really all there is to talk about.


Also, during our date he invited me to Pride with him, said he'd see me next week, he kissed me first and gave me his t-shirt, so I thought he was into me, but being distant made me think otherwise.

Sorry that this is long, and confusing. Please give me advice on how to handle this situation, my friend with Autism said she believes he's on the spectrum. It seems like he genuinely believes I didn't care about him, I can see why, but I thought it was obvious that I did despite our arguments.

Thanks.