People who don't read things properly/unwanted advice.

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I'm often finding myself very agitated by people online who don't take the time to read things properly. So many times I might post on a message board asking for advice on something, and many of the responses I'll get will be irrelevant because the people responding didn't properly read my post. These people are overeager to help, but they do not get a pat on the back and a gold star if their response isn't at all helpful because they overlooked a part of my post. All they're doing is wasting both our time. And then I have to wade through all of these to find the few responses from people who actually did bother to read my question properly.

It's gotten to the point where I wonder why I even put myself through this. I keep telling myself that I won't post asking for advice anymore, but I can't stick to that because internet sites are often my only resource for this sort of thing. I used to think that because of the Asperger's I just wasn't being clear enough, but earlier today I complained about this to an NT person and they said that it wasn't just me, that it happens all the time and it's extremely annoying. It was a small comfort to know that it might not have anything to do with my communication skills, but I still think that the level of annoyance I feel over this might be an overreaction. I find myself getting overly annoyed with lots of things and I wish I could just let things go without getting pissed off, but I don't know how.

The most recent examples are from a knitting/crochet forum. One post I was asking for information about a specific set of crochet hooks. Then people proceeded to recommend every brand under the sun to me other than the brand I wanted information on. Then they got annoyed when I kept shooting down all the suggestions because I'd already done research before asking about that specific brand and I was fairly sure I knew what I wanted. Another post was asking where to find a specific type of stitch marker more cheaply than you can get them at the local stores, and everyone just piled on suggesting all the different types of stitch markers they use that are cheaper, which definitely was not answering my question. Then most recently I wanted suggestions about ways to store tapestry needles without having to remove them from the original packaging, and most of the suggestions were for things that definitely wouldn't work with the needles kept in the original packaging. I could try another knitting site, but I've had this problem on various different sites in the past. I've even had people shove their advice down my throat on posts where I specifically said I didn't want advice and explained why I didn't want advice. Sheesh!

On a slightly different note, but related to the advice thing, there have been lots of times where I wasn't asking for advice, I was just wanting to vent about something, but then all the eager to help people would start offering suggestions anyway. Then I often find myself pulled into these conversations where most of the suggestions are things that I've already tried before and haven't worked, or if I haven't tried them yet it's because they wouldn't be doable for whatever reason. Then I get labelled as as being difficult and negative for shooting down all this advice that I never asked for to begin with.

On another website where there were issues with people getting annoyed with one individual that has Asperger's and a chatroom transcript was actually posted. The person with Asperger's was just complaining that they had trouble finding the type of fanart that they liked to see. They never asked for advice, but then someone said they should commission it. They said they couldn't afford to spend money on that sort of thing. Then a very rude reply came that they assumed that most people had jobs(this reply from someone that was herself disabled and not working, and even if someone works it doesn't mean they have money to blow on something like fanart). Then the Aspie girl was saying that they couldn't work because they couldn't drive and stuff about overprotective parents. The conversation continued along the lines of people suggesting for stuff about how to deal with the parent issue and go about getting a licence, and I could just see this poor Aspie girl getting more and more frustrated with all this advice that she never asked for especially because it felt like a lot of the suggestions were things that she just couldn't do in her situation and people were starting to get annoyed that she was shooting everything down. Eventually she snapped at everyone to just leave her alone. It just really struck a cord with me because it seemed so similar to so many conversations I've found myself drawn into when all I wanted to do was vent/complain about something and just ended up much more stressed out as a result.

It seems to be a basic human behaviour pattern. Well-intentioned people so often have a thought process that goes:
1. That person has a problem!
4. I'll offer a solution!
skipping the all-important middle steps of
2. What exactly is their problem?
and
3. Do I know enough to offer a solution?

Which is still better than what /ill/-intentioned people do after "1. That person has a problem", but can be bloody infuriating. Especially when the advice is given with an air of cheerful condescension and includes the phrase "Why don't you just...."

This has happened to me many times too. I especially don't like it when I am talking to someone and they keep on saying "yeah", "your good", and "I understand", but out of the blue when I explain what I said differently they disagree or when I move to the next part of the conversation they are shocked; selective hearing I see.

I don't see what you are upset about.

Sure, it might be waste of time for you to read their answers that are not what you wanted to hear but aren't you also wasting their time by putting out a rant for rant's case and nothing else? Even if you say you don't want advice people still will put some because just like you want to rant they want to put their 3 cents. Everyone gets what they want this way(you: rant, they: answer), wasting the time of the other one.
Conversation is often just a game, the outcome doesn't have to be perfect - the important thing is for everyone to have their fun.

People read topics because they want to answer and they can only answer what they know. It's up to the reader to decide whatever he finds the advice wanted/helpful. People won't know why it's so important for the needle-whatever to be stored in original packaging or why you insist on a specific type of marker-whatever unless you tell them the specific reason and even then they might want to share a way they think is better/more effective solution in their opinion. There is nothing wrong with it. Take it or leave it.

Seriously. Chill out. <- Yeah, I am aware its probably also an unwanted advice for you but I don't care. You started the game. I am just throwing the ball back.

If I could chill out about it then I would, but I even said that I'm aware that my level of annoyance is excessive. I said that I wish I could just let it go and move on, but that I didn't know how. I would think that getting excessively irritated at little things is something that many people on this site could relate to.

Honestly, I don't think people need to know why it's so important to me to use a specific stitch marker or keep the needles in their original packaging. The fact that it's my preference should be enough. I generally assume that people just aren't reading carefully enough if they post suggestions that aren't relevant to what I said I was looking for. You seem to be suggesting that they are purposely ignoring what I said I wanted and just giving suggestions for what they think is better, and if that's what's really going on, then I actually find that to be much worse. In my opinion that would be presumptuous and disrespectful. There's a difference between generally asking what people use for cheap stitch markers and asking where to cheaply find a specific type of stitch marker. My question was the latter and people were treating it like the former. I can't say whether it was intentional or negligent because I don't know what was going on in their heads, but either way it's annoying and frustrating when you get lots of responses but little to none of them are actually answering the question.

As for the rant scenario, I didn't mean that people shouldn't respond at all. Usually the desire with those sorts of posts is for support and knowing that others can relate to what I'm going through. Being bombarded with advice that I didn't ask for is just going to stress me out more than I already was, especially if most/all of it is stuff that's already been tried and failed, and usually this is the case. Because I know how I react to that sort of thing, one time I specifically stated that I didn't want any advice, and multiple people still did it anyway, which I found to be unacceptable.

Also conversation isn't just a game to me, and frankly you're the first person I've ever heard describe it as such. I'm trying to communicate with people which isn't easy for me and takes up a large amount of emotional/mental energy, so maybe that's part of why it's such a big deal when I get a large number of irrelevant responses when seeking help on a particular topic. Just reading all of those responses can be very draining.

People do skim through things a lot online. People are often taking a quick glance at a topic or read a post while doing other things.

That would be fine if the person isn't planning on responding to what they're reading, but if it's something they think they want to respond to, it would be best to go back and read it more carefully. There are certainly times I skim myself, but I do try to make sure I haven't done that with something I'm responding to. That doesn't mean that I never miss things, and I usually admit that I missed it if someone corrects me. If lets say one or two people on a thread misunderstood my post because they didn't read it carefully enough, that would be easy enough to let go. I think it's a real problem when it's happening with the vast majority of responses consisting of several people.

I used to think it was my fault for being too long winded and that my point was getting lost in a sea of text(I'm very naturally verbose and it's a difficult habit to break). I then came to the conclusion that they probably don't need to know the background story for why I want to know what I want to know. Unfortunately trying to be as concise as possible and getting right to the point didn't really seem to help. After talking to others who have experienced the same thing, I no longer blame myself, even if it seems less logical to me that the problem is everyone else and not me. I just really wish that if people didn't have a response that was relevant to what I'm asking that they wouldn't respond at all. Another bad side effect of all of this is that often by the time I finish reading all the responses, I no longer have the energy to do anything about the suggestions that were relevant to me.

If you are putting in too much detail, it's possible people get so lost in the details they miss what the whole post is about. I have found this to be the root of a problem so I try to not say too much in a post and just get to the point.

And no matter how clear you are, someone will still misunderstand it or say something completely different. I have had this problem with all humans, including with those who say they have autism. Another problem is all we have is text so there is no body language so it makes it harder to interpret things online so misunderstandings are more common online with everyone. It's frustrating. And sometimes people do it on purpose because they love drama and want something to be angry about because they have had a bad day at work or something so they find it's better to take it out on a random stranger online than at their husband or their children. I have seen women admit this at Babycenter. And another thing, they also don't care if they don't understand a post or not.

Some places are real bad at this such as Fetlife for example because people don't seem to read things. At Babycenter it was women always taking posts out of context because they always found a question offensive or insulting when in fact it was a curious question. Women there always seem to find something to be offended about I had quit posting there and then going there. It seems to have calmed down now when I last checked the groups out but I still don't have my interest back.

Also I have had a problem where I would make a post and someone would take it personal making it be all about them acting like I had just written about them. That is also frustrating so I figured if they are going to be doing that, they are unsecured about themselves or otherwise they wouldn't be taking my post personal because that is how they feel about themselves. People have their own problems so they are going to have a clouded judgment. Even if they are guilty of that behavior they did I wrote about, they seem to think I was only talking about them as if they think they were the only ones that did it. That is also frustrating so I say to that "You're not the only one whose done it."

I realize this is not what you are looking for but I share your frustration about people not reading things properly.

OP , If I was you I would choose the green one , lock up your bike regularly and only touch your eyebrows on a Wednesday

I don't know about neurotypical peoples, but some autistics won't understand "just needing to vent." I know I don't. If someone presents with a complaint, the only way I can understand this is by offering a solution, or at least a suggestion that might help them overcome their problem. I have no other response. If someone was to prefix their rant by saying "I just need to vent," and then launching into a lengthy complaint, I literally would have no possible way of responding. Sometimes it's not just you, the poster, who has communication difficulties on or offline. It's possible people just cannot respond any other way.

Yep.
Communication is a b***h.

Happened to me recently on a social website I go to.

Gave advice to an OP. But had to give a long backstory to explain my advice. Then two folks jumped on the backstory and began giving opinions about the dumb stuff in the backstory that were beside the point of my long story. Got me pissed off. I almost shot off my mouth and posted "either be rude, or be stupid. If you're gonna be rude and hijack a thread and go into an irrelevant subject at least give opinions that are as stupid as yours". But I bit my tongue, and did NOT post that, nor anything else.

But later in the thread someone (not the OP, but someone) quoted my post, and said that it was a great piece of advice that was helpful to them. So I got vindication in the end because at least someone got what I was saying.

I have this problem too. It is so frustrating that people don't read/listen and take things at face value. I feel like I can never communicate what I really want to communicate.

I've considered that my anger is excessive too, but, on the other hand, it's very discouraging to never have people understand you or respond to you the way you want them to. To me it's a bad omen for my social life; how can I bond with people if they won't even listen?

I've tried making my posts more detailed. I've tried making them short and succinct. Neither works. I've gotten pissed off so many times that I've mostly stopped asking for advice. I've thought about making a bunch of disclaimers about the types of responses I don't want, but I'm sure someone will make a nasty response to that. I've seen it happen to at least one other person.

But I think there's more to it than not reading; people have different ways of communicating. Some people probably think they are being helpful by giving advice about stuff you haven't asked about. I think there's a kind of collective low expectation for other people's intelligence, and people assume that the OP just hasn't thought of the stuff they are suggesting.

Also lots of people bond socially by excessive talking, so I assume they do that online as well. They add stuff that's only tangentially related. That's how people keep conversations going probably.

And some people are probably just a bit self-centered. They don't want to help so much as they want to post whatever the hell they want to post.

It seems there are people who don't take the posts literally and try to sort of respond to the "feel" of the post. The problem is that they don't know the poster (probably especially if it's a neurodivergent person or person with unusual personality), so they most likely can't get an accurate feel for what the poster wants. People try to treat other people based off of their own life experience, but their own life experience is never wide enough to handle everyone.

I find reading difficult sometimes, due to attention problems. So if there's too much unnecessary information crammed into a huge, long paragraph, I tend to skip it until I get to the point.
If I feel I don't understand what a post is about, I don't tend to reply, because I hate giving the wrong advice.

See that would actually be a helpful additive to someone like me. I'd immediately understand what you do and do not want. Is that an autistic thing? Maybe. Maybe others would get annoyed by that?

I apologize that I don't have the energy to reply to everyone else that responded individually, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I do appreciate your responses and have been reading them. Some of you have definitely given me some things to think about, though I'm not sure if it will lessen my annoyance any with these situations in the future.

People don't usually expect you to reply to everyone in a thread.