Esperanza wrote:
jijin wrote:
A short list of my "stims"... (Side note: These all happen and increase in frequency the more sleep I lack.)
- I incessantly bounce my legs, sometimes (when I'm really tired and have less control over it) past the point of limping calf pain.
- I twist my bangs, the back of my head, the hair on my chin, and my sideburns.
- When I am really in a bad situation I will get that horrible lost feeling and will rock.
I also really get into music which may be an unconscious ways of finger tapping (air drums), and rocking (light head-banging). Although that is normal neurotypical behavior.
By "that horrible lost feeling," do you mean the one that sits in the pit of your stomach- or maybe in your esophagus- like utter despair? I've always had difficulty identifying what that one is, exactly. It seems to come on at almost unpredictable times. It's like I'm thinking too much or like I think something horrible is going to happen and I can't stop it. It's not anxiety because it doesn't make me feel actually stressed or apprehensive. It's something different. It's almost hallucinatory. It's disorienting and it makes me want to cry but there are no tears. I remember asking my mother what it was once, when I was very small. She said it was loneliness. That's not it either though, because being with people doesn't make it stop. I don't know what to call it and I've never been able to pin down its cause but it's very intense.
Sorry, I just saw the reply.
I have no idea, but I normally get it when I'm lost. Which is why I equate it to that. I also once had this episode where my younger brother and a friend that was a girl were over at her house and her whole family decided they would go out and use their 4-wheelers. I don't like the noise they (or for that matter loud motorcycles) make and I told them I didn't want to go. They immediately thought I was just being scared. I started stimming and rocking and told them no, that I just didn't want to go. They said it was ok and showed me a way to get to a friend's house and that friend took me home.
I was terrified. I now flat out refuse to do something unless I have some idea what it'll be like. It's good to know other people get it though.
I think it might have to do when you "get off the ball", so to speak. If I get overwhelmed (like longer trips in big box stores) I start acting like and ass and at the time it seems perfectly normal to me to be like that at the time. Take it a little longer, and I am completely exhausted and need to get away from everybody.
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Cause we don?t think before we speak
And we don?t stand up for the weak
And we don?t listen to the freaks
Cause we don?t clean up our own s**t
And when refused we throw a fit
As we scream ?I don-wanna-hear-it?