What should I say?

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Joined: 11 Jun 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 8

12 Jun 2005, 2:25 am

I'm 15 years old, and am on a youth bicycle racing team. Pretty much my only social contact is with the people on my team, and I have never gotten along with them very well... im just a real outsider in that group. My coach who is a teacher mentioned to me that he though I might have something called asperger's syndrome a few weeks ago and I looked it up on the internet and it explained pretty much everything. I have bugged my parents about taking me to a doctor, but they think its a complete waste of time and money and that there's nothing wrong with me.

Anyway, pretty much everyone on my team knows ive got AS and ive been asked what they should do to help me, I have no idea what to say to that though... they're a great bunch of guys (and girls) and although im so different from all of them, they have still been great to me. I'm still hoping that ive got a (somewhat) social future ahead of me, but dont really know where to start, so, what do you guys think I should say to them?

Sophist
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12 Jun 2005, 2:45 am

Humz... Ask them to try to act naturally around you??

Don't know. Tell them you're putting the answers on hold till you think of something.

"When I think of something, I'll let ya know."

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Sean
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12 Jun 2005, 3:35 am

Even if your AS is not a problem now, it could cause trouble in college or the workplace in the future and it would be best to have an explaination that would give you some legal protection if necessary. Try explainig it to your parents that way.

Ghosthunter
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12 Jun 2005, 5:10 am

llvllatt wrote:

Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 1
Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:25 pm
Post subject: What should I say?
-------------------------------------
I'm 15 years old, and am on a youth bicycle
racing team.

I find this to be a better sport than
most I have heard of. Bicycle racing
sound like good excercising. In
San Francisco, we have alot of hills
so people do it without brakes and
I always found that brave and daring.

What was your motivation for this sport?
What are your best things that come to
mind about it?

llvllatt wrote:

Pretty much my only social contact
is with the people on my team, and
I have never gotten along with them
very well...

Hmmmmm?

llvllatt wrote:

im just a real outsider in that group.

What do you do that makes
this happen?

Hmmmm?????

llvllatt wrote:

My coach who is a teacher mentioned
to me that he though I might have something
called asperger's syndrome a few weeks ago
and I looked it up on the internet and it
explained pretty much everything.

I can understand your point of view here.
My employer outed me of my autism
ignorance, and now I am learning to
reconstruct my life from a fresh point of
view. I hope we can help you at WrongPlanet.

Hmmmmmm? What are your feelings about
this outing? What do you think you can do
to make this a smooth transition?

ANNNNNNDDDD! "What is it that you
do that provided clues?????????

llvllatt wrote:

I have bugged my parents about taking me
to a doctor, but they think its a complete
waste of time and money and that there's
nothing wrong with me.

Ignorance is bliss and wise sometimes.
Take it slow, make your emotional
adjustments, then answer internal
and external questions for yourself
BEFORE you get a diagnoses, or MISDIAGNOSES
blindly. Your conscious will be your
guide and how you answer online
questionaires then read from a 3rd party
point of view will provide good insight
into you. Your strenght and awareness
is where you should start, and their
caution and hesitance to get a professional
opinion is sound. Know thyself and all
will fall into place.

llvllatt wrote:

Anyway, pretty much everyone on my team
knows ive got AS and ive been asked what
they should do to help me, I have no idea what
to say to that though... they're a great bunch of
guys (and girls) and although im so different
from all of them, they have still been great to
me. I'm still hoping that ive got a (somewhat)
social future ahead of me, but dont really know
where to start, so, what do you guys think I
should say to them?Back to top

WHAT DO YOU DO THAT GIVE THEM CLUES,
then relearn and get to know your true? self.

Hmmmm?
Ghosthunter

Civet
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12 Jun 2005, 5:54 am

Quote:

but dont really know where to start, so, what do you guys think I should say to them?

Just tell them things that they can do to help you out. First, ask yourself what you want from them. Do you want to be friends? Do you want to spend more time with them? Or do you want them to leave you alone? Second, decide on what you need them to do to make you more comfortable.

I am not diagnosed AS so I never bring it up directly, but I have told my friends who I roomed with this past year that sometimes I really need alone time, and not to be offended if I just go into my room and don't come out for awhile. I've also told them I'm very sensitive to sound, and that sometimes I can't tolerate any noise at all, so they understand if I blow up at them just for talking quietly in the lounge. There are still misunderstandings, but it helps if you keep this sort of communication going, so these people know where you are coming from.

Sanityisoverrated
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12 Jun 2005, 7:09 am

Well it sounds like they are a really supportive group, so I hope it works out well for you.

pizzaboss
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12 Jun 2005, 10:43 am

Tell them how you feel and if you want them to be your friend let them know. I wish you the best.

llvllatt
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12 Jun 2005, 11:00 am

Quote:

I've been riding since I was just a couple years old, always loved every aspect of the sport, one big thing is that if I get pissed off about something, I can just go out and ride as hard as I can to the point where i'm pretty much delerious and it completely relaxes me (go figure...)

Quote:

llvllatt wrote:

Pretty much my only social contact
is with the people on my team, and
I have never gotten along with them
very well...

Hmmmmm?

I go to a public school of about 2-3000 ppl in grades 9-12 but just kinda sit in my own little corner listening to the teacher, but i'm trying to be friends with everyone on my team

Quote:

llvllatt wrote:

im just a real outsider in that group.

What do you do that makes
this happen?

Hmmmm?????

They are constantly joking around with each other and I try to just joke around with them, but I always end up screwing something up, saying something wrong and usually ends up with everyone going silent and me being called a ret*d or a dumbass, then I just go out for a walk by myself and im labelled a freak for that too...
There is one girl that I talk to on msn quite a bit, and were pretty close, but nobody knows how to act around me, so they just end up ignoring me but i'm trying to be friends with them

Quote:

llvllatt wrote:

My coach who is a teacher mentioned
to me that he though I might have something
called asperger's syndrome a few weeks ago
and I looked it up on the internet and it
explained pretty much everything.

I'm glad that my coach mentioned it, it explains a lot of stuff that I didnt understand, basically that there's a reason that I fail miserably at most social contact. I dont really know how I can make a smooth transition...

There were a lot of clues, noises drove me insane, my obsession (light bike parts... I could tell you the weight of almost any component by almost any manufacturer to the gram, characteristics of it, approximate price etc), when people were joking around, I wouldnt get it, i'd take them seriously etc.

Quote:

llvllatt wrote:

WHAT DO YOU DO THAT GIVE THEM CLUES,
then relearn and get to know your true? self.

Hmmmm?
Ghosthunter

Hmmm is right.. i'm just really confused right now and have no idea what to do, I dont even know who my true self is.. at home i've always masked it, pretended everything is okay but then with my team, im trying to fit in, but im so different from all of them it becomes really obvious and I end up acting differently

Thanks for all the input

BeeBee
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12 Jun 2005, 11:36 am

Quote:

It must be a confusing time. It takes a lot of energy to try to be someone you are not. Hopefully, at some point, you will be more confortable being yourself with your bike friends.

As the Mom of a young teen and a preteen, I have some questions. I hope you don't mind. You don't have to answer, of course. This was your first year at the high school? How did it go? The reason I ask is that there are accomindations that can be made to make school less miserable. BUT, and its a big but, your parents would have to agree to them.

I'm glad you are investigating Asperger's and that you found us.

BeeBee

llvllatt
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Joined: 11 Jun 2005
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12 Jun 2005, 12:01 pm

BeeBee wrote:

Quote:

This is my second year of highschool, im in grade 10 right now. For grades K-9, I went to a christian school with about 100 people in my grade and that was horrible, I was picked on quite a bit, then I tried taking school by correspondance in the first semester of grade 10, but I just kinda didnt do any work lol, and now i'm at a public school that i'm liking a lot better, there are about 1000 people in my grade, nobody forces you to socialize, ive got no lunch break so I just show up, sit through my classes, talk with nobody and then leave at the end of the day. It's actually going okay there.. ive got no problems with bullying and i'm quite content with how it is

larsenjw92286
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12 Jun 2005, 2:21 pm

I agree with Sophist as far as your issue is concerned, llvllatt. I think you should tell your bike racing team to be themselves.

Also, I am very sorry to hear that you have such passive parents.

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Ghosthunter
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12 Jun 2005, 9:06 pm

Before I start this thought, I have a
good idea where this direction you
are doing is going. When I was in
high school I would lose my own identity
for others.

"IF THEY CAN'T ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO
YOU ARE, THEN IT IS MOST LIKELY
THEY WILL NOT ACCEPT A ASSIMULATED
YOU". And as a result they go away
and your more confused by the assimulation
and start walking wrong paths and directions.

I have seen this happen to "BE..MY..FRIEND"
PEOPLE. I know this because I was one of
them. I tried assimulating sci-fi attitude
geeks, Role-Playing control-freak geeks,
and others that have given me a lost sense
of identity because you are you, be happy
being you, and if they can't see past this
attitude, JUST BE YOU! They will eventually
pass, so DON'T LOSE YOURSELF AND IDENTITY
IN THESE CRUCIAL 15-20 DEVELOPMENT
YEARS.

The years just go faster. Be yourself and
lose the baggage that holds you back from
being yourself.

Now.......

llvllatt wrote:

Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 3
Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 2:00 am
Post subject: Re: Hmmmmm?
-----------------------------------
Quote:

From G.H
I find this to be a better sport than
most I have heard of. Bicycle racing
sound like good excercising. In
San Francisco, we have alot of hills
so people do it without brakes and
I always found that brave and daring.

What was your motivation for this sport?
What are your best things that come to
mind about it?

From L.V.....
I've been riding since I was just a couple
years old, always loved every aspect of
the sport, one big thing is that if I get pissed
off about something, I can just go out and
ride as hard as I can to the point where
i'm pretty much delerious and it completely
relaxes me (go figure...)

From L.V.....

Pretty much my only social contact
is with the people on my team, and
I have never gotten along with them
very well...

From G.H.....

Hmmmmm?

From L.V.....
I go to a public school of about 2-3000
ppl in grades 9-12 but just kinda sit in
my own little corner listening to the
teacher, but i'm trying to be friends
with everyone on my team.

From L.V....

im just a real outsider in that group.

From G.H....
What do you do that makes
this happen?

Hmmmm?????

From L.V....
They are constantly joking around with
each other and I try to just joke around
with them, but I always end up screwing
something up, saying something wrong
and usually ends up with everyone going
silent and me being called a ret*d or a
dumbass, then I just go out for a walk by
myself and im labelled a freak for that too...
There is one girl that I talk to on msn quite
a bit, and were pretty close, but nobody knows
how to act around me, so they just end up
ignoring me but i'm trying to be friends with
them

From L.V......

My coach who is a teacher mentioned
to me that he though I might have something
called asperger's syndrome a few weeks ago
and I looked it up on the internet and it
explained pretty much everything.

From G.H.....

I can understand your point of view here.
My employer outed me of my autism
ignorance, and now I am learning to
reconstruct my life from a fresh point of
view. I hope we can help you at WrongPlanet.

Hmmmmmm? What are your feelings about
this outing? What do you think you can do
to make this a smooth transition?

ANNNNNNDDDD! "What is it that you
do that provided clues?????????

From L.V......
I'm glad that my coach mentioned it, it
explains a lot of stuff that I didnt understand,
basically that there's a reason that I fail miserably
at most social contact. I dont really know how I
can make a smooth transition...

There were a lot of clues, noises drove me
insane, my obsession (light bike parts... I
could tell you the weight of almost any
component by almost any manufacturer to
the gram, characteristics of it, approximate
price etc), when people were joking around, I
wouldnt get it, i'd take them seriously etc.

From L.V......

Anyway, pretty much everyone on my team
knows ive got AS and ive been asked what
they should do to help me, I have no idea what
to say to that though... they're a great bunch of
guys (and girls) and although im so different
from all of them, they have still been great to
me. I'm still hoping that ive got a (somewhat)
social future ahead of me, but dont really know
where to start, so, what do you guys think I
should say to them?Back to top

From G.H......

WHAT DO YOU DO THAT GIVE THEM CLUES,
then relearn and get to know your true? self.

Hmmmm?
Ghosthunter

From L.V........

Hmmm is right.. i'm just really confused right
now and have no idea what to do, I dont even
know who my true self is.. at home i've always
masked it, pretended everything is okay but then
with my team, im trying to fit in, but im so
different from all of them it becomes really
obvious and I end up acting differently

Thanks for all the input

And thanks for stopping this assimulation.
They will move on with their lives after
high school, and so must you. DO NOT
LOSE YOUR IDENTITY FOR OTHERS, it is
what guides you into adulthood, and besides
friends don't judge, they work together,
Hmmmmmm? Doesn't sound like this bunch.

Good Luck,
Ghosthunter.

and Hmmmm-Ummmm-Hnnnnn?
Young Aspied Jedi-flow with the
aspie force be you, tempt not the
darkside for it is not true to your
path.......Hmmm-Ummm-Hnnnnn?

Yoda-Ghosthunter

llvllatt
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Joined: 11 Jun 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 8

12 Jun 2005, 11:16 pm

Thanks Ghosthunter... just gotta find out who I am now lol

Ghosthunter
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13 Jun 2005, 12:27 am

I hope these developing years
are much more focused. I
can only help with my past
experiences, it is up to you
to follow your heart.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

larsenjw92286
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Location: Seattle, Washington

13 Jun 2005, 7:11 pm

Exactly. So be it if people do not accept the kind of person you claim to be.

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[email protected]

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