Trouble in Public

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I have a compulsion to bounce my right leg up and down while seated. I've done it for as long as I can remember and its never been that big of a deal. The other day I was at a Barnes and Noble, sitting at a table alone drinking coffee and reading a book. There was a lady sitting at the table next to me and out of nowhere she says, "You should probably cut down on your coffee habit."

I'm badly startled. I hate when strangers suddenly speak to me. I have no idea what she's talking about and don't respond for a long moment. "You're leg," she says, pointing down. "All that caffeine can't be good for you if it makes you that jittery." The leg jumping has nothing to do with caffeine or any other stimulant but I'm try my best to be polite and say, "You're probably right." Hoping the conversation is over, I turn back to my book. Several minutes later, the lady clears her throat very loudly and says, "Would you mind stopping that?"

I look down at my still jumping leg. Its not touching any part of her table, I'm always careful about that, so I know I can't be jostling anything on her table. "I'm not trying to be rude but its very distracting," she continues.

"I'm sorry," I say, winding myself up for my usual disclaimer. "I have a neurological disorder that effects the way my brain communicates with my body. I physically can't stop."

"You're sick?" the lady hisses, looking disturbed. She even scoots her chair away, like she could catch it by sitting too close. "You're mentally ill?!"

"No!" I snap. "My brain just works in a different way."

"You're brain damaged?!" she practically shrieks.

People are starting to look over at us and I'm starting to wish that a hole would open up in the floor and swallow me.

"I'm not hurting you so please leave me alone," I mumbled and try to disappear behind the book I'm reading.

"You don't have to be rude about it. I was just being concerned," the lady huffs and storms off.

I'm left red faced and nearly crying while people continue to stare at me. I wish this was the first time something like this had ever happened to me, but its not. When I was a young kid an old lady yelled at me for rocking back and forth while standing in line at a busy grocery store. What is it about people that make them think this kind of behavior is okay? That idiot lady wasn't concerned, she wanted to stick her nose in the middle of my business. I'm not a circus animal or something like that! I'm just a person who works a little differently than others.

I'm sure this happens to other people and I'm just wondering if there's a better way to deal with these situations. I mentioned this to a friend of mine later and she said that I should have just walked away but I was just sitting there minding my own business. I shouldn't have to move just because I'm wired differently. I'd be more understanding if I was doing something that hurt others but I'm just bouncing my leg. This won't be the last time I run into this problem so any advise would be great.

Bein concerned would have been asking if you are alright, and then minding her own business.

She was being nosy and intrusive.

I would have been MUCH less polite than you were.

I get the same thing in my right leg. Not many people comment on it though

I have a very, very hard time telling if people are being rude or not. While words written down seem rude, I might not come to the same conclusion when the same words are said to me. I always just try to be polite as possible because people will usually just leave me alone. Thanks for the comment. Its good to know someone else out there is a leg jumper/

My mom will just reach over and put her hand on my leg.

I get a lot of people that will ask me to stop, though. Like when I'm in class or something. "Do you have to do that???"

She was lying, people get defensive when they're "called out". In this instance, she was butting in and bothering you and you asked her to stop. So, she turned the tables and and called you rude. It's called "beating you to the punch".
Lots of people bounce their legs, tons. It bothers me too, but I keep quiet about it. There is a lot of things that bug me and I keep quiet about it. It's a public place and she has no business insulting you and drawing attention to you like that.

It's a tactic that must work. People will get defensive if they believe you attacked them and then say, "it's a good thing I'm secure". You can bet $$ they're terribly insecure and they're trying to accuse you of attacking them. They want you to apologize and back down. But either way, it will make you look like the perp.

Your best tactic with a nut like that is to chuckle and ignore them.

Toe tapping was something I was considering posting about myself. I wondered if it might not be an AS related phenomenon and I see now it very well may be. On occassion I'll start bouncing a leg when I'm seated. Years ago, back when I was taking an SSRI, it was more frequent and severe. I can remember that once a rhythm was established I didn't even have to think about it for it to continue. And I don't mean just a bouncy bounce. I mean really jackhammering it at a great rate. I thought it was pretty cool at first. Later I became concerned about what else the SSRI would do to me.

there's nothing wrong with tapping your toes to the music in your head: that's just standard procedure.

I don't like the leg jumping either, but just when other people do it, not when I do it myself.

The situation you describe was not pleasant to say the least, but it became so after you brought up "some neurological disorder" as an excuse for your leg jumping. That excuse is probably not going to buy you any credit in a polite social exchange except to demote you to some low status that society sometimes reserves for mentally challenged people. And what if the woman doubted that you had some mental disorder and was being so dramatic in order to shame you for claiming that you did?

Also, I had to notice, on your profile, that you are currently undiagnosed. As a matter of principle, I don't use AS as an excuse when I do something peculiar in a social situation--because I am undiagnosed. Even if I do get a diagnosis, I don't know if I'd use it, when I could just use something else that is not so jaw-dropping (to some NTs)--but that's just me.

its yer body, why would someone get mad at you like that?

Wow thats brutal I'm sorry you had to go through that. I do a leg shaking thing too! I some times don't even notice that I do it As for the way that lady treated you.... She had absolutly no right to treat you like that. and you should not worry about the way you handled it because its HER problem NOT Yours. You know the truth about yourself, so don't even give it a second thought

MAN, the ULTIMATE in irony! She DARED to call YOU brain damaged, and move away? SHE sounds pretty stupid! And you were FAR too nice, so please don't let that idiot get to you.

You SHOULD try to stay away rom giving people too much info.

Steve

Stupidcat, I have had similar experiences with none other then, my fiancée. She thinks it's annoying and most of the time I have no idea it's going on. The same goes with pen clicking, etc.

As far as the embarrassment thing and being near crying, I have that was well. I am introverted by default, and any time I get sudden attention all my faculties break down and nothing I do can get them started again. So it's like my brain defaults to the lowest common denominator it knows and starts crying.

It's nice to know somebody else has the same reactions.

I would honestly be more comfortable having someone demand my wallet at gun point then having a stranger confront me about something like that. I'm not using any hyperbole at all here either.

i jiggle my right leg all the time, at primary school people used to call me wigglebum because i couldnt stop. ive heard that the repeatative movement refferes to stimming, which is something to do with calming brain functions or something, but i dont really know much about it.

i think your responce to the lady was really good, i have no idea what i would have done if i was in that position. i think ill say whay you said the next time someone asks me to stop fidgetting

steff x

That lady is lucky that it wasn't me she said that to. I would probably have been an as*hole about it depending on the mood I was in. For one thing, leg bouncing is a pretty common thing for a lot of people, and it's definately not nearly as annoying as the person at an adjacent table broadcasting on their cell phone, which is perfectly socially acceptable for some reason. Man, I'm getting angry just thinking about it... she's really lucky she didn't pull that s**t on me. I've made a scene over less.

Ignoring is the best
then leaving
and then cleaving
they don't care how you're feeling
until you send them reeling
then you’re the one who’s second best