Dealing with Family

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How do people here deal with their families? I know they can't accept you for who you are & can't understand you. I know I ask before, I think nobody replied.

I need to move away as soon as possible. Living with my family makes me want to commit suicide just so I can escape. I'm alright at the moment, as I have a hope of moving out next year. In the meantime, I think deeply whenever I am upset with their treatment of me. I think until reality seems no longer concrete, and then I realise how little my distress means. This makes it bearable.

it took me a while, my father's passing, a book about my grandfather and a year in japan, but yeah, I finally came to terms with that person being my mother, and certain members of her family. all the super tolerant members on my dad's side live in other states, and Dad and Opa are dead, so really, I am on my own here...

Christ dude... well your not alone, I've been going through suicidal bouts too... so you are not alone. my problem is the same. I need to get out, but finding work is so hard.

I'm worried about finding work too, but I would do nearly anything if it meant I could leave my parents. I would even delay going to university and just work all the time if it is necessary.

Fortunately I don't live near them. My mom says I'm Autistic but then when I complain because a waitress puts her hand right on my back, she tells me there are things you just have to deal with. I know NTs who would be put out by having a waitress put a hand right on them. I think that I'm Autistic to her when it excuses her from having had no time for me as a child (which she always assumed was why I am the way I am) but not when it's an inconvenience or an embarrassment. I think she considers everything I do that she doesn't like to be me indulging an illness. It certainly doesn't feel like acceptance.

So I deal by keeping communication very limited. Probably not the ideal method. I'm just tired of never being good or interesting enough.

It surprised me a bit when I told my mom I found out I have AS and she was like, "no you don't but have fun on your little experiment". It is pretty upsetting at times. I feel like it's a lost part of my identity that I finally found and she totally dismisses it. Who the heck knows why, she doesn't even know why, but she is a little wacky to begin with so I have to come to terms with that too. Also she has a long track record of ignoring/denying problems, and she puts a lot of energy into it. If she feels it is a problem, maybe that is why. That sucks way worse for her than it ever will for me so I try to have compassion, however if I spend a lot of time around her it can drive me to the brink.

I don't feel comfortable saying what a person should do, but personally when I moved away (for work) that made life much easier in regards to family. Finding work was difficult and I appreciate the situation you are in. Also, moving came with its own challenges, but I don't regret it.

My parents don't want an autistic child. They think denying that I could have ASD will make it go away. They have always found it easier to deny that I struggle with social interaction than try to help me. My parents prefer to pretend that I am completely 'normal' and socially capable, and then punish me for acting stupid and being arrogant and selfish when I don't know how to talk to people.

Anyway, perhaps your mother does not want you to have AS and thinks that she can persuade you out of having AS. Or something like that. Don't let her denial deprive you of part of your identity!

When my mum had the diagnostic interview about me over the phone, my psychologist afterward told me my mum said, "Is this all my fault?" My psychologist assured her that it was not but I think my mum still thinks it is as when I bring up autistic behaviours I had as a kid, she closes up and doesn't want to talk about it. And it would help so much if she did!

I would visit my parents a lot more if they lived locally but they moved to the country. I'm pretty thankful for Facebook actually, as that's mainly how I communicate with my family.

I am glad i am living on another continent. Coming from a dysfunctional family where both parties were extremely abusive (both mentally and physically), i knew immediately that i needed to get as far away as humanly possible. It unfortunately took me 18 years until i was brave enough to escape, leaving behind not only my life, my possessions, but also school. School has always been my number 1 priority, so dropping out was truly heartbreaking for me. 13 years later, i had to go through extreme highs and lows with my parents, including my father renouncing me as his kid and shunning me ever since, and my mother manipulating me and basically screwing me over financially and emotionally.

That's sad Fandom. But it's out of your hands. I hope you're dealing with it okay. I think you're right that my mom doesn't want to think it's true. Maybe like renaeden said, she thinks it is her fault and feels bad for my struggles. The reality is of course that that isn't true, and she is adding to her struggles and my own by reacting that way. Maybe I should try to emphasize the good parts of it and hope to show her that I am happy and don't blame her for anything. I am still trying to figure out what the good parts are haha, I can use a reminder I guess XD

I spent most of my life struggling to deal with my family, and also everyone else. Things are much better now that I live alone. I now have health issues that keep me from getting out much, so I don't have to mix much with people anymore. I am also a hermit type person, so I prefer being alone.

I have one relative who knows about & accepts my Aspergers issues. The rest of my immediate family know about it, but don't understand it, and kind of think it's something I could fix if I wanted to. They seem to think I am either milking it, or being hypochondriacal about it. I am in my late 50s, and have always had these problems. I have always been miserable with these problems, so no, I am not milking it, not being hypochondriacal about it, and not making it up.

What's really nutty about their attitude is that as a child I was sent for several years to a school for kids with behavior problems. Back then the docs had not figured out Autism spectrum disorders, so we were usually diagnosed with behavior problems. So here is my Dad, who had to send me to this special school for several years still not grasping that I still have a real condition several decades later. Since there is no cure for Autism spectrum disorders, the special school was obviously unable to cure me, so I have continued to have problems all along my life journey.

I get that my father still wants me to be a normal person, and that being in his 90s, he is not about to change in his attitude at this late date, so I just limit contact with my family to some extent, to limit the amount of stress they cause me.

Do get out and live on your own as soon as you can. I really like living alone. I no longer have people around 24/7 who are constantly stressing me out.

I'm mostly alright. As I mentioned above, I have a rather strange way of coping with being upset about it. Perhaps you could call it a form of meditation. I have done this since I was 9-10.

In addition to denying that I could have ASD, my parents also attempt to change my personality. Since I was very young, they have made their 'love' conditional on me behaving in a confident and outgoing way (I am very shy), and punished me for being shy to try and make me develop a different personality.

For several years I have been considering this very deeply. I have come to the conclusion that one's personality is determined partially by genetics ('nature') and partially by experiences ('nurture'), so it is wrong and damaging to attempt to rewrite a person's personality. To succeed is to teach the person to continually deny and crush their natural personality. My parents partially succeeded. I find myself unable to access my 'real' self in their presence. Thoughts on this?

My parents kept me back in preschool for 'lack of social skills' and 'underdeveloped fine-motor skills', and still deny that I have ever had problems with social interaction. As well as denying the possibility that I could have ASD.

I'm grateful that my family is kind to me, and understands that my mental health issues are not my fault, and I'm not being 'difficult' on purpose. But it saddens me that so many people in this world are cynical about 'fad' diagnoses, and would rather believe that people are just making excuses for bad behavior. That we all just need to take responsibility for ourselves, behave normally, and stop annoying others with our imaginary problems.

I've learned to accept that many people in society feel that way, and I just avoid them as best I can. If I had a family member who held that attitude, I would do everything in my power to get away from them.

My mom accepted me & understand me , she was the only one in the family that understood me. Now that she gone I feel so alone , my dad don't understand, my grandmother don't understand, my sister don't understand, she thinks she knows me, cuz we lived together for 20 years, but I have not live with her for almost 27 years, I'm almost 47 not in my 20s, she is CRAZY!! I have to deal with that woman, cuz she in charge of my trust fund.