Should I be concerned.....

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.... that it's extremely difficult for me to be interested in other people?

After making the realisation that I needed to make some big changes to how I viewed other people, I am now getting out of my comfort zone - my mother's house - for prolonged periods each day. However, I feel almost like I have to perform to battle through social situations. People's faces seem to light up when I invite them to talk about themselves but deep down I truly don't give a s**t. Does this make me a bad person?

Even though I want to make friends, I cannot fathom how others can find each other so interesting. I fear I will never hold down a job for any substantial amount of time because of my social ineptness.

Not everybody is interested in everybody else. You don't have to be interested in every person you see. All you have to do is pretend to be interested.

There will come a time when somebody will be of interest to you--especially a person who shares your interests, and who responds to you positively.

But aren't most human beings perceptive enough to realise that I am merely feigning a fascination in what they are saying? I cannot comprehend how NTs can feel no remorse or shame for leading such disingenuous lives. Even with a more positive mindset, every interaction between myself and another human being feels rather perfunctory.

It's a rather harsh reality if one cannot be an authentic being in this world without being ostracised. It's almost as if the more dishonest you are, the more rewards you will reap from life.

You don't have to "feign fascination." All you have to do is seem like you're listening. If you appear to be overly enthusiastic about a person, say, talking about his ingrown toenail, you would look like a fool.

What does interest you about a person? If a person loves to talk about the sciences, is that person interesting? What would pique YOUR interest?

Truly, I feel that Homo sapiens made up "social rules" so that the species will keep itself afloat. If we always revealed our "true feelings," we would always be at each other's throats.

I would say at least some of the "disingenuity" is a survival mechanism. I don't feel it's usually a sign of true dishonesty.

One cannot survive telling other people they are "boring" all the time. Even if it's true.

Even if people are boring, telling them honestly how you feel about them is not going to improve the relationship between you and them. On the one hand, NTs claim to be wanting honesty in their lives, but, on the other hand, they want to break all ties as soon as you are being honest to them. Absolutely contradictory!

For some reason listening to other people excessively talking about their superficialities is a crucial element of any relationship. It is not necessarily them telling you because you seem to be interested in it, it mostly has to do with them wanting to vent and needing someone who just listens! And it really doesn't matter how stupid and superficial the story itself may seem.

I work in a business with about 250 other people. I could count the number of people who I would consider my true* friends** on the fingers of one hand.

How many do I know anything about (other than what they have told me) - i.e their private lives - none - not a single one. Am I bothered? Not really.




* - those are the people I would trust implicitly with sensitive / personal information.
** - they may of course not consider me a true friend. More than likely in fact.

I have the same issue. When I am dealing with people I don't really know (which is almost everyone on the planet), I don't really care about the details of their personal lives, as it really has nothing to do with me, & I am very uncomfortable in having to try to fake it. I have the same problem, but to a lesser extent when dealing with my relatives. At least with them, I have a common family history, so there are some things we can talk about. On the downside, that usually involves running me down about things I am doing, or about my weight & every molecule I eat, so for me there is no joy in talking to anyone. And then my family wonders why I prefer to be by myself almost all of the time.

.... that it's extremely difficult for me to be interested in other people?

After making the realisation that I needed to make some big changes to how I viewed other people, I am now getting out of my comfort zone - my mother's house - for prolonged periods each day. However, I feel almost like I have to perform to battle through social situations. People's faces seem to light up when I invite them to talk about themselves but deep down I truly don't give a s**t. Does this make me a bad person?

Even though I want to make friends, I cannot fathom how others can find each other so interesting. I fear I will never hold down a job for any substantial amount of time because of my social ineptness.
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jake:

yeah, i wanna make friends too. but, after grammar school, only had a couple precious lil "friends". and they all had the nerve to dump my worthless corpse.

quite frankly. seriously, i do not find anyone that interesting. not even and especially not myself. maybe they find themselves and eachother more interesting than they are.

no it does not make you a bad person. besides, people are complicated. "good" and "bad" are too simplistic. every person does many things. some of the things are good and some of the things are bad. besides, any one particular action could get labelled as "good" or "bad".

yeah i get paranoid too. nobody will ever make the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse ever again.

and yes i am socially inept.

but sometimes i wonder if maybe it's just b/c us autistics are so much different from neurotypicals. that when autistics try to consider an NT's perspective, autistics get it wrong almost all of the time. when NTs try to consider an autistic's perspective NT's get it wrong almost all of the time.

but the world contains only about 1% autistics. thus far. according to some statistics.

so it's just a numbers game.

autistics are in the minority. so it is much easier for NTs to grossly misunderstand autistics.

"you don't care about anyone except yourself!", one precious lil "person" (presumably NT) had the nerve to scream at me. at the top of his lungs. over the phone.

but to NTs, that's what some autistics seem like. some of the time.

but seriously though. precious lil "most people" are not the slightest bit selfless.

it's b/c they only care about things they identify with. and as a cisgender NT, scrawny white man. in homophobic San Diego 2004 (year), there were a lot of precious lil "people" around him. that he identified with. and he did not identify with me. and there were not many people that i could identify with. b/c he was in the majority and i was in the minority.

(rolls eyes)

but whatever.

he did not do anything illegal by telling me off.

besides, what if he were to have done something illegal, then what?

choice (1). take videotape. tattle to 911. get interrogated. cross examined. answer a list of questions. maybe get subpoenaed to court.

choice (2). take videotape. take out a civil lawsuit. some lawyers charge 500 dollars per billable hour. some lawsuits last over 2 years. the defendant could hire a more expensive lawyer. the party with the moral high road does not always win.

and i am 34 years old right now.

quite frankly, the older i get, the more helpless i feel.

like nothing i do will ever be good enough to make a difference in jack.

so why bother wasting energy?

i am nobody. i am not a person. i am nothing. i am nobody. i am nothing. i have no rights. i have no emotions. i am subhuman. anyone can do anything to me and get away with it. nothing i do, say, think, or feel matters.

precious lil "people" have humungous egos.

the older i get the more precious lil "people" i hate.

the older i get the more things i fear. the more intensely i fear them.

I think it's just a symptom of autism - being completely disinterested in things outside our narrow interests. So when people talk about things that aren't my own obscure special interest... Yeah, I'm bored to tears, and can't wait for the conversation to be over.

I don't think it makes you a bad person, just a bad conversationalist. I accept that socializing is not my thing, and I stick to other activities that I find more enjoyable.

I think it's just a symptom of autism - being completely disinterested in things outside our narrow interests. So when people talk about things that aren't my own obscure special interest... Yeah, I'm bored to tears, and can't wait for the conversation to be over.

I don't think it makes you a bad person, just a bad conversationalist. I accept that socializing is not my thing, and I stick to other activities that I find more enjoyable.
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"bad person". the word "bad" is vague. even the dictionary definition is vague.

yeah socializing is not my thing. but sometimes i wanna talk to someone. it's just that precious lil "people" are a bit too judgmental, self-important. and they are not receptive.

yeah i am bored too. flunked out Structural Engineering over 10 years ago. the few precious lil "friends" i had dumped me. the few jobs i had had the nerve to fire my worthless corpse. and i am 34 years old. the older i get the less reason there seems to be to do anything.

cost benefit analysis

but whatever

on the other hand some precious lil "people" can't or won't shut their fat traps.

No need to be concerned. Even if you're truly apathetic about socializing, it does not truly make one a bad person.



The reason why I wanna learn about people isn't about them per se, but the events and happenings that I witness and listen, that just happened that they are a part of.
The bond that happened, if it happened, is just a bonus.

I'm interested at witnessing lives of others, not the people themselves and socializing. There's a difference.
But there's one thing in common about it -- it's about knowing that this person is a part of something, or had done, or had thought, or felt something.
Therefore, as much as I could care less about the person who did or had been there, I wouldn't judge them for it.

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I have a hard time showing interest in others too. It's part of what makes small talk so hard, I think.

Sometimes I think that the end result is what matters more than the method. Like, if you are truly not interested, but you're able to perform as though you are, you may get the same result. People will be happy that you took the time and effort for them.

Of course, sometimes I get caught because I don't listen as close as I could, and I forget something, or ask a question I should know the answer to. People who know me will realize that sometimes I just can't keep up with all of it.